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Are there too many red flags that I am blind to?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 May 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, *rettyprincess2011 writes:

is my husband gay if he watches shamale porn, and yeah i know the question has been asked a biillion times but my case is a little different. first of all i am bi, so i can understand if he was to, but i didnt find out about the porn until a few weeks before wwe got married. and then after doing some research about it, i thought we should try to open up and explore by me using a strap on. in the end he uses it more than "we" use it. and then you look at the porn it self and its not the girly girl shemale, but more of a gay porn with with one guy having tits. is it just me or are there to many red flags that i have been trying to be blind to. is he really gay, not bi.

View related questions: gay porn, porn, shemale

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A female reader, prettyprincess2011 United States +, writes (2 May 2011):

prettyprincess2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

so wanted to thank u guys for the feedback. was really helpful. it made me think it over, hopefully one last time, and i talked to my husband again about it. i explained to him that the whole thing upset me, the porn, the type of shemale porn, and the fact that he was lyiing to me about it all. all the while making him feel even more unconfortable because i wouldnt let him saying anything before i finished. but i see now, because of u guys (and ladies) that even though i am bothered by it, nothing else has changed in our relationship. i still love him and him me. and thats what matters. (i dont know if i will eve get over it, or if it will stop bothering me, but i told him and now i live with it, good bad til death)

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A female reader, lovebird1 Germany +, writes (1 May 2011):

Thanks for making things more clear.

I suggest you should just let him watch his porn, if your relationship is otherwise stable and it's not an addiction or replaces sex with you.

I agree that a marriage should be open and honest, but I also think that still, you both are individuals who've got the right to have some privacy. You don't need to share every thought or fantasy or interest with each other.

He shouldn't cheat on you, and so far he didn't, he seems to love you, he's married to you, he's made a big commitment, so why don't you leave him a little space of his own?

It might not be your idea of an ideal marriage, but people aren't perfect and if he's a good husband then why not let him have this little flaw or secret pleasure? You could prove your generosity and acceptance for his sexuality here, and chances are he'll be very grateful for it.

I guess that if you insist on suppressing this porn thing or bring up the topic too much he'll feel cornered and uncomfortable around you, maybe ashamed as well, and it won't help you both.

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A female reader, prettyprincess2011 United States +, writes (1 May 2011):

prettyprincess2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

to clear a few things up, yes he knows i know. and i told him how i feel about it. but he has tried to hide the fact that he still wtches, and i guess that is what made me upset the most. and yes i confronted him on that. i want an open and honest relationship, i want my marriage for life. he does get upset when i bring it up, the porn that is. the dildo thing is something i still havent said anything about. but other than that we have a solid relationship, with its own ups and sowns besides this.

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A female reader, lovebird1 Germany +, writes (1 May 2011):

Do you feel like he loves you? Does he treat you in a loving way? How is your marriage going? That would be my most important questions. It's hard to tell a sexual orientation just from porn.

He seems to have watched this kind of porn before, but he still decided to marry you. Is there any reason why you doubt his dedication to your marriage other than this?

Maybe he just likes the idea of anal stimulation and also likes to use the dildo, but that doesn't make him gay. A lot of men like anal stimulation.

Does he know you know that he watches shemale porn? Is he making an effort to hide it from you?

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A female reader, redlipzxx United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2011):

I wouldnt say hes gay , maybe bi but just coz he watches this stuff doesnt mean hes bi or gay just what attracts him x REDLIPZ XX

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