A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: We met 14 months ago and we see each other once a week. My gut feeling is that he cares more than he wants to. But how can you tell? Do guys have tell tale signs when they are starting to fall for you? (we are committed to others at this time) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Well, your post changes the situation a bit. You met 14 months ago but you've actually been meeting with each other only during the last three, once a week. You've met like 12 times, I suppose.
I believe he is very much into you but is wondering whether it would work out. Perhaps he wants to take it slowly. What he said about his not being hurt if you live is bull. Sounds like he doesn't want to get hurt again.
There is a slight chance that things won't move beyond that point. To be honest, some times people don't want any more serious relatioships once they have ex's and kids. It could be complicated.
However, if you're interested in this man, too, perhaps a sign of YOUR interest would give him confidence. Be very tactful, because too much of a sign could backfire and make him feel like you're pushing things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Me met 14 months ago. Been seeing each other 3 months-1 time a week or more. We have other obligations- work, kids ex's. Committed to our jobs and families. He says dont talk about the "l" word but that he really really likes me. He is very sweet to me but confuses me. Like "I wonder what it would be like to be with you." If you end it with me, I wont be hurt" Daniel most of the things you said in your second paragraph sound familiar. I am older, he says sexy etc., and I feel like he is really into me though sometimes he says dont take it to another level. I never do. But he dont like to talk about his feelings and he says if he gets some he will turn them off. I just go along. What about his body language?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (2 December 2007):
I think you should follow Sarah M's suggestion. Also, the Anonymous female poster has given you very good clues about when a guy is into you.
The anonymous poster made a mistake about the 14 months. True, nobody needs 14 months to know whether s/he is into someone. But, it might take YOU just that much to figure out that someone LIKES YOU. He might have known the second he saw you (it happens), but you may not take the hint until very, very late. Or never.
Also, we should mention that it could take a hell of a lot of courage to talk about how you feel to a woman if you feel that will spoil the relationship/she will say no, if she's married or engaged or "taken", et cetera. It might also be difficult if you have a lot more money or are better educated or finer than him; in this case, the problem would be something like "How can I even suppose she will look at me?". I think every man has been in a situation where he is just crazy about a woman but won't tell, because the circumstances don't lend themselves to saying it.
Check whether this is the matter.
Sorry, Richard; this time your advice is no good. Do you know whether the male in question is married? Would you really suggest the poster to call the wife and say she's having an affair with him, that being a lie?
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 How can you tell your married lover has fallen for you?
I suppose you could call his wife and ask her if sex and affection has noticeably reduced in the last 14 months.
If she says "No" then he's having a blast and he hasn't fallen for you.
If she says Yes then ask her how old the kids are.
If the lowest age she gives is over 16 then he hasn't fallen for you.
If the lowest age she gives is under 16 then he could have fallen for you.
If she now asks why are you calling, tell her you are having an affair with her husband.
If she says "Not another one" then he hasn't fallen for you.
If she starts crying then he might have fallen for you. Best to hang up.
If he suddenly phones you soon afterwards saying you are the only one, he loves you so much, how much savings have you got, lets run away tonight - then yes, I suppose he might have fallen for you.
Good luck
Richard
Oh - and if he doesn't phone back at all - then take it that he hasn't fallen for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): For me, in my experience, a guy likes you when he always wants to be with you. He can't get enough of you. He'll call you in the middle of the day to say he thinks of you. He admires you. He listens to every word you say. He is always there for you. He sees you in his future (that's a BIG clue). I don't really believe there is such a thing as a guy "falling" for you. In my experience either it is or it isn't. Either he has definitely fallen for you or he hasn't. I don't believe in this middle ground of "oh he's almost there." And it DOES NOT take a guy 14 months to realise how he feels. Only a couple weeks at most.Truth is nothing in life happens in some slow evolving process. Events occur in sudden spurts. (Ask any biologist or physicist).So if after 14 months, you are still not sure if he is crazy about you, no offense, but he may never be.
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A
female
reader, Sarah M +, writes (2 December 2007):
I suggest that you see each other more than once a week, and you may get better answers to see if he is falling for you.Hope this helps,Sarah
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