A
male
age
41-50,
*azz
writes:Dear Cupid.I am a 27 male who has never had any sexual relationships or girlfriends, probably due to a medical problem called hypogonadism. I am not getting any younger, and I am very depressed due to my situation.I am an undergraduate mature student studying chemistry at a UK university surrounded by students of mostly the 18-22 age group. I personally do not see anything wrong with finding a girlfriend at my university who is about 20 or 22 years of age. After, all she would be well within the UK legal age of consent (over 16), despite the 5 or 7 year age difference. I do'nt even look my age and can easily pass-off as 22.In fact, a 17 year old girl at my part-time weekend job pestered one of my workmates to get my mobile number for her, but I refused to go on a date with her because she is barely over the UK legal age. It would be most perverted and pedophilic for a 27 year old man to hve a sexual relationship witha 17 year old; the youngest girl I would date is 20. But, even if I had a girlfriend of 20 or 22 years from my Uni., there are some jealous people who would call me a pervert or pedophile- even though 20 years is well within the UK legal age of consent. How should I tackle these people? I would feel sick to be called a pervert- something I certainly am not! I do not see anything wrong with having a relationship with a 20 or 22 year old girl- I would treat her right, unlike some men out there! At 27 years, i am still a virgin , which is quite distressing. Are there any younger girls in the UK of the age of 20-22 who would have a relationship with an old man of 27? From my experience, only Easern European women like older men, mainly because of their maturity.
View related questions:
depressed, jealous, my ex, older men, still a virgin, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cherri sparkle +, writes (26 February 2007):
hey as i replied in my response previously im 21 and my partner is 28 that is no issue whatsoevr the rigt person is just thst regardless of the age difference!! i think ur stressin about this too much just see what happens it really will open your eyes be cool and remember women can smell desperation and its not attractive
A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (25 February 2007):
 You have a lot of people here telling you that your age is not really a problem, but if you're going to be worry about your age all the time, you are going to make it a problem.
A lot of girls go out with older guys, you have NOTHING to worry about when it comes to age. Besides, at the age of 20 some guys are still rather immature and then it's nicer for a girl to get a guy who is a bit older.
Imagining myself in your shoes, I can understand if pursuing a first relationship may seem a bit scary, especially if you would think along the lines of "everybody have more experience than I have". And then there's the fear of rejection. Maybe you've already made up your mind that nobody will want to be with you because of your age, just so you won't have to take the chances required in asking a girl out and risk getting your heart broken along the way.
I think that if you feel like you have to go out with a woman your age, you could give internet dating a shot. Even if you don't find love that way, at least you can get some practice in conversing with women.
...............................
A
male
reader, gazz +, writes (25 February 2007):
gazz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again,No, it is not true that I want a girlfriend solely for sexual reasons; nevertheless, sex in a relationship is important. People disagree with me on this are just deceiving themselves. Sex in a relationship is totally natural and there is nothing wrong enjoying it. I am not just looking for sex from a girlfriend- I want affection, companionship, intimacy and whatever else come as part of the relationship package. These emotions/feelings are totally alien to me, because I have never had a relationship/girlfriend before. Many men my age are married. The point I am making is that at the age of 27, I have never had any sexual experience or relationships.So, I do not know what is like to be in a relationship. I am not getting any younger and I need to do something about my problem before I get old.I find it difficult meeting women and initiating conversations with them. The girls at my university are not of my age group- they are from 18 to 22 years old, so I am not sure whether it is appropriate to find a girlfriend of say, 20-22, from my Uni. How many women of 20-22 date an older man of 27 (nearing his thirties!).They'd probably say "he's too old for me", etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, mum2be +, writes (23 February 2007):
It sounds to me, since you keep on talking about the age of conscent, that you want a relationship purely for sexual reasons. If this is the case, you can see a prostitute. It may a little more expensive, but will save you being called a pervert. i am 15 and going out with a 19 year old, which is a 4 year difference (Even though i will be 16 in 8 weeks) and some people think this is wrong. You need to work out why you want a gf, and work form there.
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, cherri sparkle +, writes (23 February 2007):
your right to feel uncomfortable lying about your age a girl should like who you really are and lies at the beginning are not a good start to any relationship, just be yourself thats all you need. there will be some who turn their nose up but they wont be mature enough for you to deal with anyway.just try if you're open and honest you will be surprised
...............................
A
female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (20 February 2007):
 Hi there,I don't see what all the fuss is about personally - you're worrying about something that hasn't happened, and people will call you a paedophile for going out with 18 year old. When I was 19 I was living with guy who was 32, a 5 year age gap is nothing! Don't lie about your age, and enjoy life!Nutty xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, cherri sparkle +, writes (20 February 2007):
hey dont worry about age seriously i am 21 and my partner is 28 we met when i was 17 and he 24 beleive me there is nothing perverse about dating a younger woman at all in fact i have friends in exectly the same senario as me as a general rule women are naturally more mentally mature than men so a younger woman is not such a bad thing on the other hand a woman likes the life experiance of an older man you talk about things and can express your emotion alot more than most of the young guys out theredont worry about rushing into something just because time is ticking though i think you should spend some time looking into what qualites you like about yourself as it seems you have low self esteem at the moment for someone to love you you need to love yourself as it will only cause insecurites in the relationshipim sure that u will find someone who sees the inner you as that will be the person to show you exactly what you are worthbut give yourself a break right now and enjoy life for what it is and the pleasures will come when u least expect it
...............................
A
female
reader, xSpacexDementiax +, writes (19 February 2007):
 You really need to stop worrying. Nobody really cares about age differences, particularly when they're only like... 5 years.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): I don't see why you would need to lie about your age in the first place. Whether you're dating someone 5 or 7 years younger, that's not a big age gap at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 Whoa, man....
You don't need to be LYING about your age. There's no need to LIE. If you want to start a relationship based on a big, fat lie, your girlfriend will be much more upset than if you tell her the truth. Tons of girls like dating older men. I know I do. Doesn't matter your age, if you find someone special they'll like you for YOU.
No lying about your age!
xxIndia
...............................
A
female
reader, dragonette +, writes (19 February 2007):
A general rule is never to lie. It has a tendency to break the trust you build up in a relationship. Be honest about your age.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 February 2007):
 You really worry me about this age thing. What's the deal?
...............................
A
male
reader, gazz +, writes (19 February 2007):
gazz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. If a younger girl of 20 or 22 at my Uni. shows interest in me, should I lie about my age (pretend that I am 22, after all, I do not look as old as 27)?Personally, I would feel uncomfortable and guilty lying about my age, and eventually the girl is bound to find out about my real age.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 February 2007):
Wowie, slow down and relax GAZZ. You are worked up over something that hasn't even HAPPENED yet! If you get busy meeting new people at your university, I'm sure you'll find someone who'll want to have a relationship with you, but what's this age thing? What if you meet "Ms. Right" and she turns out to be 27? Would that be such a bad thing?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): Age does not matter when it comes to a relationship, if it did then i would not be here today. My mother married my dad who is 14 years older than her. Now when i was 16 years old i met my now boyfriend who was 29 then, we have been in a relationship for 3 years and nobody has said anyhting, they respect us for over coming the age concern everybody seems to have and for opening up and beign strong together. You should just get out there and meet a nice girl who will treat you right, feelings are what matter not age!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): To be frank, I think you are overly worrying about the age difference. When I was living in halls at university I was 2 years younger than you but I too was living with girls ages 18 - 22. We were all however at the same stage in our lives, the age was completely irrelevant.
If you really do know people who would call you a pervert or a pedophile for dating someone in their 20's then you need to avoid them and get them out of your life! I can only imagine a very small minority of people would even think this, are you sure you are not just being paranoid?
I think someone in their 20's you can date anyone else in their 20's.
Stop worrying over this and get out there and meet girls, judge them on your compatibility not on what others may think of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, dragonette +, writes (19 February 2007):
Well, I can tell you that my best friend, who is swedish, started off a relationship with a guy 8 years her senior, and she was only 19 at the time. I never thought of him as perverted for that.
...............................
A
female
reader, luvme247 +, writes (19 February 2007):
 I think that you shouldn't worry about age as much as you are. If you just be yourself & someone who happens to be younger seems interested in you & you are interested in her then you shouldn't worry about what other people think. Just make sure that you don't ever lie about your age. Hopefully you are getting the hypogonadism treated & getting the testosterone shots you need. Talk to your doctor about your depression because that is one of the symptoms of having hypogonadism. Good Luck to you & hang in there. You'll find the right one.
...............................
|
