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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Are there any men here who don't use pornography in a relationship? I would absolutely love knowing they weren't looking at anyone else. I don't even know why they still do it and thinks it's normal to still look when they are getting sex. Men want variety - stay single then.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): He stopped the day after the ultimatum but tried to get his own way,i dont like the idea he even needed it. Him trying get his own way would suggest he was trying to look at other women, something i hate knowing.
A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 nope not at all. It was that or either leave as i may have felt that he'd rather that then me, or control him by forbidding him to look at anything ever. He told me many times he would stop if i told him to but He would also find it controlling. We also compromised on other things that annoyed him or me that were minor (in the grand scheme of things) Thats what relationships are about. You cant have your way all the time. For what its worth, we're in our 4th yr together. This was a minor issue in our first yr. It was sorted out at that time and we went on to get married and have a baby together. I was never as angry or upset as you sound about porn. Perhaps this isn't the right relationship for you? I feel that if it was you would both be willing to consider the other persons point of view and respond accordingly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Doesn't the fact you had to reach a compromise annoy the hell out of you? Compromise to let them look at other people's t*ts it's crazy.
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A
female
reader, smiliek +, writes (13 April 2012):
my hubby doesnt. He used to. It bothered me a bit. Rather then break up, or one of us control the other, we reached a compromise.
He'd only look at stuff if i wasn't at Home, and we'd do stuff that night even if he'd done stuff himself.
That way i never felt like it was a replacement of me and i never missed out. As it was he'd only look once a wk or fortnight or less anyway. Yes he was honest about it.
Now, we have a baby. He hasn't looked at all since bub was born. Yes i know for fact. I'm home whenever he is and frankly hubby is more interested in our family.
Either reach a compromise with your partner as control isn't fair, or find someone with the same views as you
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 "Plenty of women don't like it, but plenty of women are OK with it. Plenty of men watch it, but plenty of men don't."
60% of women don't want it in their relationship, 25-30% of men don't watch. That's a pretty big disparity there, so clearly just finding someone who doesn't watch isn't an actual solution.
"A lot of people do a lot of things that are bad for them and have negative impacts on their relationships."
Yes lots of people break up and divorce and have otherwise bad relationships. Why are you presenting this as a positive point? Is this supposed to be in support of your argument?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): I find porn completely unneccessary when I am in a loving relationship with a partner. but I use soft porn as a stimulant to masturbate when I don't have a partner.as simple as that
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Yes, there are men who don't check porn when they are with their women.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): If you don't like men who watch porn, you have two choices. Limit yourself to men who don't, or get into relationships with men who do and be unhappy.The men who watch porn also have two choices. Go out with a woman who doesn't like them the way they are, or get into relationships with women who are OK with it.Plenty of women don't like it, but plenty of women are OK with it. Plenty of men watch it, but plenty of men don't.89.3% of action movies have violence against men. One in three adults in the US is obese. Experts have shown that being overweight has a negative impact on one's sex drive. 43.2% of adults drink soda or other sugery drink every day. 21% smoke. 71.8% don't exercise regularly. 17% of adults binge drink at least once a month. Every expert who has studied the issue has concluded that being dead lowers one's sex drive and it also has a negative impact on one's relationships. 19.1% of adults listen to The Village People regularly, and experts agree that Village People music is addictive, and it has a negative effect on relationships (OK, I made that one up) A lot of people do a lot of things that are bad for them and have negative impacts on their relationships.
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A
female
reader, Alex242  +, writes (13 April 2012):
I agree 100% with Person12345. Nowt harmless about porn; it is dehumanising, and desensitises people to violence. I also agree it is harmful to body image. I'm tired of people putting down those who wish not to be around porn.
Porn was a major contributing factor in my divorce. One just never knows when her husband's 'harmless' watching of porn will turn into an addiction. Porn also encourages cheating.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 April 2012):
"it is harmless"
According to whom? Not according to every psychology conference on it, not according the vast majority of studies, not even according to porn producers (who relish the fact that it is addictive).
Given that 88.6% of porn contains violence against women, is a major contributing factor in over half of divorces, and has been shown over, and over, and over again with no contradictory evidence, to decrease a person's satisfaction with their relationship and their partner, I refuse to be with a man who uses porn and it's not because I'm insecure, it's because like most experts on the subject I believe it is detrimental to a relationship.
What gives you the right to call women who dislike porn insecure, controlling, and nags? You have no idea what you're talking about.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Women who don't want their man watching porn are extremely insecure with themselves. Unless the man has an addiction to porn, it is harmless, and is almost "natural" for a man. And warning- unless a man is a complete pushover, telling him or begging him to stop watching porn will do nothing except expose your insecurities and make him think you are a controlling nag. My suggestion is to just get used to it. It's a part of life, like it or not.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 April 2012):
 I am a woman who does not mind porn. I know men that do not look at porn but most do.
I know one man who prefers written word as porn (fanzines come to mind) to pictures but it's still porn right??
My last partner used porn
my current partner uses porn (and occasionally we watch together)
my first and second husband's did not use porn.
I guess I'll vote for 50% based on my personal experience.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): I did find porn on my husband's computer once, and felt ill. I personally severely dislike porn, as it promotes unrealistic body standards for both women and men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): I think you don't like yourself and your issue with porn is mis-directed. Learn to love yourself and forget about porn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): My husband absolutely hates porn and few times I asked him if we can watch together and he refused so I’m not watching myself and not asking him anymore, because he believes that pornography dehumanizes women into becoming sexual objects. He is sexually very active and loves to watch my body. He has never gone to strip clubs or watched porn even when he was single.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 The age old question...
I don't use porn in a relationship. I've found it to be detrimental to my and her enjoyment of sex, as well as a hindrance to forming deep connections with women. Most women are very weary of men using porn and hesitate to give their all if they think their S.O. is getting his jollies elsewhere. I found the results remarkable in terms of what I got out of real women sexually once I had stopped using porn. I haven't watched porn for about 5 years now and haven't missed it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): My bf doesn't watch porn, actually hates it. And this annoys me, as I love watching and would love to watch it with him.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 I know a whole lot of men who don't actually. But those who do have their own agenda in trying to prove that all men do...which is certainly not true.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): Interesting question!
I don't like to use porn in a relationship. Normally, I may use it initially because I am uncomfortable thinking about my mate untill I've brought up if they are comfortable with it.
When I am in a relationship, all that I think about sexually is my mate. There is nothing that gets me going quite like being around her, her body, her smell, the way she cares for me.
Even when I did look at porn, I normally wasen't as much thinking about the woman in the porn, but just using it as sort of stimulation in general to 'think' about sex.
I know every guy is likely different though.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 April 2012):
The number is around 25-30% do not according to most reputable polls and studies on this. The men who say all men do it are just trying to normalize their own behavior and remove personal responsibility. Because if ALL other men do it, they are personally helpless to resist and you are asking them to go against "nature." It's a weak excuse at best since 1/4-1/3 of men don't use porn (though 98-99% have seen it at some point).
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A
female
reader, jinxx +, writes (12 April 2012):
 For the most part, people watch porn to get off. No more, no less. It says nothing about their relationship, their feelings towards their partner, or their enjoyment of the sex they have with said partner.
I watch porn, relatively regularly, and I still adore my boyfriend, and enjoy our relationship and the sex we have immensely.
Sometimes you just need that boost your imagination isn't giving you, you know?
That being said, I'm sure there are men who don't watch porn while they're in a relationship, or when they're single. Every person is different. I'd argue that it is still normal to look at porn while engaged in a sexual relationship (hell, some people watch porn together!).
If it's something you're uncomfortable with, fair enough, just make sure you're honest about it with the men you date.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 I quit porn for my relationship. I found it was messing with our sex life: and my head. It took a while to join the dots and realize this however. On the plus side, once i stopped the benefits were easy to see, which reduces the temptation to 'relapse'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): I believe there are a lot more men out there NOT looking at porn then it seems. There are many men who have well balanced lives...work, spouse, raising children, friends, outside activities/interests, responsibilities, etc. that fill their days and evenings...there is no need or interest to be engaging and jerking off in front of a computer.
The men who are regularly engaging in watching porn have way too much time on their hands and probably don't have a very fufilling sex life with a real person for whatever reason, are already in too deep and can't stop, are young and curious (or old and lonely), full of empty pathetic excuses and denial as to why they are watching and how women should embrace and accept it, probably weren't raised to respect women and appreciate the importance of treating real women with the dignity they deserve.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): I dont think there is any. I personally have over 3Gig of porn in my lap top and my GF doesnt complain at all. I really wonder why some women complain, its not as if we are cheating.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (12 April 2012):
If I'm in a relationship and getting regular sex, which means basically daily since I have a high sex drive, then I do not look at porn. I'd much prefer to enjoy intimacy with my partner over masturbation. The exceptions would be if my mate is gone for a while (for work or whatever), or on her period and not feeling up to any kind of play time.
I'm sure I am in the minority, though. Most guys look at porn, whether they're in a relationship or not. I think a good amount of women look at porn, too, to be fair.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (12 April 2012):
 As soon as laptops were invented, men had a new habit.
Interesting question. I think probably no man with a laptop doesn not indulge in porn. I am sure they all do. ONE HUNDRED PER CENT.
It's not their fault, the little lambs, is it? They are just like that.
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