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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone.I am having a hard time with a situation I am in.I have nobody to turn to so I am hoping I can get some good advice here.My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. He and I were together a couple of days ago and I noticed what looked like scratches on his chest. This upset me greatly for obvious reasons.The scratches were not big. They were small and not deep or red or bloody. I don't think they were fresh. But it was just one single line appearing on both sides of his chest if you are facing him. So, one line just to the outside of his right underarm and one line just to the outside of his left underarm. I found it odd that there were two of them on opposite sides.He had been out of town last week on a business trip. So, of course I worry he was up to no good after seeing the scratches.You will ask me if I trust him and the answer is NO. I don't. I have tried and tried again but it's been difficult because throughout the course of our relationship these mysterious scratches have appeared on several occasions. He swears up and down he is and has been faithful to me. He said he has no idea how the scratches got there. He totally downplayed it. As he downplayed all the other scratches in the past.I am not sure what to do at this point.I want to know if they could be scratches due to cheating. And my guess would be they'd be caused by a woman being on top.Should I leave him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 July 2016):
 Should you leave him? Yes you should, you don't trust him, this is not a healthy relationship at all. You are miserable because you think he is always cheating, you don't trust him, so what kind of future do you have? You need to end things, and work on yourself. Work on your trust issues and gain more confidence, is he cheating? I don't know, but if my man came in with scratches on him, I wouldn't even have to think about it, because it would never cross my mind that he would cheat. You need trust, without it you will be miserable and lonely.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (18 July 2016):
I had scratches on my back from a suitcase strap. My gf accused me of infidelity because of them.
She stopped being my gf immediately ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2016): Hi, it's the OP.Thank you for your answers.Janniepeg, the scratches were not that low and no, they were not near his ribs. They were higher up at shoulder level. Chigirl, no there were not three. I am inclined to see your line of reasoning. Just one line on each side. No even sure you could call them scratches. The line was not deep or red or fresh. It seems the consensus is it is not conclusive evidence.So, maybe I just need to keep my eyes open. But I have had them open for a long time and I have not found anything to indicate cheating. And he did have explanations for the others in terms of it being a skin condition and he was scratching himself. Just that when you don't trust someone, you never believe their explanations. And constantly try to dig deeper so you are always reading into everything in an attempt to uncover wrong doing.It's a difficult position because I do not want to leave him without direct proof but my enjoyment/happiness is being removed from this relationship by excessive worrying. It is indeed painful to live this way, Chigirl. You are absolutely correct. And sometimes the only relief, the only way to get peace of mind, is to rid yourself of the source of the worry. But again, I don't want to do that because I do not know if I am the one with the problem. He says I read into everything and make things into something they are not. So?.............. how to proceed?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): Well look at it this way.
If you are on trial, you could never be convicted for scratches alone.
It is not enough evidence. And you can refute it. There are many other ways you can get scratches on your body. None involve cheating.
So, it is up to you if you believe him or not. And if you can trust him or not. You surely cannot continue this relationship always questioning him. It will drive you to insanity. And you will have no choice but to leave him because worry and anxiety take a high toll on us.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (17 July 2016):
 Yes well my ex swore black and blue he was faith full to me too. turns out the only thing he was full of was 'shit'. But my proof ended up being hard proof. Unfortunately scratches is just suspicion, warranted,yes but not enough alone I don't think. Just be alert to things, not ott, just aware of things that make you go hmmmm. Or you could stop fucking about and tell him that you are having a hard time believing, once again, that these scratches are without 'explanation'. As in 'your on notice fella'
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 July 2016):
 If they were scratches from sex, I would think there would be at least three scratches on each side. Also, the direction of the scratches would be telling. From the sound of it, his scratches would more likely be caused by him scratching himself when he's had an itch. Or maybe there's a particular t-shirt/work-out shirt he uses that has a seam that scratches him without him noticing. I've had those. They cause a straight line on each side of your body, and you don't notice it while jogging/working out because you're so focused on the workout session.
But if you don't trust him, and you worry about him cheating... Isn't it a sign that you shouldn't be with him? I mean, it can't possibly make you happy, it must be devastating, and who wants to be in a relationship where you are left with doubt and distrust? Wouldn't it be better to just break-up then, no matter of he was cheating or not, because just having to walk around and wonder and not know is painful too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): scabies leaves unsightly scratch marks and itch when warm.People can scratch themselves in their sleep, after a shower etc. I have woken up with deep marks om my back when sleeping alone and had very little explanation for it and i mean like deep whelps that eventually disappear.
A scratch does not always mean sex but as it is fun speculating on which position he was in when he got them i think he was reaching for his plastic card to pay the bill when a herd of rhino stampeeded past and with a dexterity known only to superhumans he dodged the lot emerging with only two scratches under each arm!
It sounds like a very lucky escape for your man!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): if his hobby is not wrestling then yes he is cheating.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (17 July 2016):
We can't possibly know whether he has been cheating or not - we can't see the scratches.
Since he has almost identical marks on either side of his torso. I'm more inclined to guess that's it's some mild irritation caused by seams on a shirt or vest or perhaps from carrying a backpack (you say he's been travelling)
But I do think you should leave him because you don't trust him. And trust is vital to a relationship. Why do you have such difficulty trusting him? Are there other issues (aside from the occasional scratch) that make you believe he's being unfaithful? Is he married?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): Im a mental health nurse with two girls and a lovely hubby and son . Anyways I have had scratches that I don't know where I got them from probably myself and my nails aren't long .. I had a nasty bruise on my chest near my breast and was teased it was a hiccky. That my husband had bite me .. Indeed he had not . But I had no explanation of where the bruise came from ..
I would say you need more proof to say he's cheating .. what else other than this makes you suspicious ?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 July 2016):
 More like he was on top of her. Woman on top means it's too long for her hands to reach there and to get support. Missionary makes the most sense. I can't picture any other position that caused the scratches. There's no way he doesn't know how the scratches got there. It's not something you can attribute to other things because your chest is something that few people or objects can get access to. If it's from itch, it would fade quickly like one night after a shower. You are talking about the area close to the ribs. That's not an area heavy with sebaceous glands, not an area that you scratch on a regular basis, or have done it unconsciously during sleep.
I am not the suspicious type. Rarely had to deal with the issue of cheating. Don't like jumping into conclusions without proof but I still think this points to him cheating, unless you believe in the paranormal and demonic attacks too.
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