New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login239614 questions, 1059332 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Are relationships with strippers doomed to fail?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 June 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, *umtryoluk writes:

Why don't relationships with strippers work? Are they doomed to fail?

The females that are caught in the stripper life are caught in the life. A life style of low self esteem and constant admiration. A life style of free drugs and alcohol. A life style of fast money and friends. A life style that will drive a good man away.

My girlfriend is a stripper, I had to deal with many roadblocks. Past experiences with men, and former baby's father. All the people that treat them less than dirt in the club. It's a constant thing. Never seeming to let things go, the blame is always someone else's, or trying to diminish the blame from others and say they are not ashamed.

You can not parade your naked body around and have all of your dignity. You can argue that point for a million years and it will still be true. No real self respecting person would. When we are young, and told to be ashamed of the naked body, is that right? Maybe not, but that's what happens.

I'm going to put it in three points of view. The boyfriend, the stripper, and society.

Now the boyfriend has to deal with her making more money than him. Which is a big damper on pride. He has to deal with prying eyes...(more so than usual with just having any girlfriend) He has to deal with constant phone calls at all hours of the day and night(Probably the worst thing of all). Constant get togethers, parties, and trips that seem pointless to you. Drugs and alcohol can not be avoided. Lack of sex. Constant mention of how they can not do something else.

All of these and more contribute to a man acting so coldly towards a stripper girlfriend. These girls feel no remorse in excepting extravigant gifts, and getting everything for free. It's just a job right? No, it's a lifestyle. Just think, if a stripper could diminish some of these, most people would not look so down on strippers.

The life of a stripper is very fast paced. They get degraded every single day they go to work. And the hurt stays with them. One comment from a customer can make or break their night. Then they want to come home and tell the one who cares about them about their day. Because that's what people do when they get off work, tell their other how their day went right? It's different with sexual industries though. You find it pointless to talk to your man about how this random guy treated you. Either he doesn't care, or he cares too much. He'll say things such as, who cares what he said. Or why don't you just stop stripping then, if you get treated like shit, why? I believe it is because they crave that constant admiration at all costs. But you give them the look like, why does it always have to come to that? Think about it from the mans point of view. No other job requires that you emit your current relationship in order to excel. Or downsize it, and tell everyone about it. They know it happens. But i guess it has to be done right. Because many of you have baggage that isn't your own fault.

But the big thing is that, using that as an excuse or a reason to defile yourself is never good. It is almost the only profession in which relationships are doomed if both parties aren't persistant, patient, and understanding.

Society looks at strippers as if they are criminals. And 9 times out of 10, they are. The reason behind this is because there is always a way out. But the money, fun, alcohol, drugs, admiration, and lust keeps them there. Not one person needs $1000+ every week to survive comfortably. Taking the easy road. Easy street but the sun never shines. Always seems to be clouds in the sky. Drama, jail, drug problems, sex problems, alcohol problems, but most of all social problems. People look at you differently. With a look of disgust. It's true. First impression is everything right. Well it seems they are only good when most of their clothes are off and a horny man with lots of money is in front of them.

I am not the average male. I am not the alpha male, nor am I submissive in any way. I just observe. I understand why it hurts all three parties the way it does, and a empathize with all. But I hold no pity for the strippers who don't see how they are damaging males. No pity for those who won't let the past go, and not make moves to better their own life. It's like the same old story. You want to believe their might be something there.

No pity for the men who don't understand the lifestyle. No pity for the men who can't tell a good girl from a bad one.

Everyone always knows. It's like an alarm that goes off when meeting someone. Making that choice wether to figure out if true or not is on you.

I do not degrade strippers in general, but currently I have little to no respect for them. 6 months ago, I had never even been to a strip club, just for that reason. And I do mean it as an offense to any stripper. You have no respect from many of your customers though you may think. Sure they idolize you, but they don't care for you. Or maybe, you don't care for them. You all take advantage of people, not seeing how your selfish actions affect others around you.

But there is a sliver of hope. Some are not like this, just most. None have dignity though. Sorry.

But the only real way a relationship with a stripper will work is if she is not a stripper. A mans ego and pride is stronger than love... or is it?

View related questions: drugs, horny, money, self esteem, stripper

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, gamerecognizer United States +, writes (31 December 2009):

you are asking why strippers strip. being sexually abused has nothing to do with it. you'd be hard pressed not to find someone who has been abused some sort of way. don't blame women who do what they have to do to make it. blame the men who create this need. if they don't go to clubs and buy pussy, guess what. strippers and prostitutes would disappear. my girl is a dancer and she got kicked out of her house by her mom because she wanted to date a black guy. she doesn't drink and she doesn't hang out with people in the environment. what u do for a living is just that, a living. you are responsible for your social life. and if you worry about what people think of you then you have some esteem problems

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Itiswutitiz United States +, writes (22 October 2009):

First of all!! Let me tell you something! I am a dancer and all that you said is not true! I am in a long term relationship and a mother and from experiance guys like you are upset the went to a strip club and spent all there money on a danceer thinking you was going to go home with her and couldn't because she was going home to her man to joke about how this fool gave me $1000 and he couldn't take me home! I am a dancer and I never used drugs, I am the most faithfulist girlfriend, a really good mother, don't drink alcohol, good people are everywhere, what you describe you can find that in girls who never steped into a stripclub or in a man probably like yourself!!! ;) so before you speak look in the mirror! There's good and bad everywhere! If you went home broke alone from a stripclub! She did something right! Oh and by the way the addicts are the customers there the ones who keep coming back!

<-- Rate this answer


A male reader, cumtryoluk United States +, writes (26 June 2009):

cumtryoluk is verified as being by the original poster of the question

there are plenty of universal truths for human beings. We only refuse to acknowledge them. too much pride to say... "No... that's not me, I don't do that!"

Sorry to bust your bubble, but we as humans are very predictable. We are in this world to protect our own. Now whatever that maybe to you. Maybe you felt so strongly because you have experience, maybe not. But just to argue with no real insight is not admirable nor is suggested.

You can't answer questions by only arguing the bad points. I wrote 3 different points of views for that reason alone. I do know first hand, speaking from my own experiences. Don't we all.

The question posted was not intended to spike anger, but awareness.

Many people that have been bullied, or singled out for some reason or another sometimes still attain some dignity after being humiliated. But constant insults, and "the life" will send ones mind into a whirlwind.

Why am I dating a stripper? I know her, and I know tons of her friends. She operates differently, but the same. I only want to figure out why money is more important than dignity in this day and age.

I almost had to sacrifice mine by being a bathroom valet in a strip club. You lose your own self respect slowly but surely in places such as these.

Doing the jobs that has to be done, and the jobs that they won't do.

I made great money doing it, but i felt myself slowly losing my own self respect. Had to get out of that life quickly so that I could rebuild what had been shattered.

Once you have gone so far into it, is there no turning back? The money is too good? Greed overpowering Pride. Or maybe it's not as cut and dry, black and white as I have so wrote it.

Fill me in please.

<-- Rate this answer


A male reader, cumtryoluk United States +, writes (26 June 2009):

cumtryoluk is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm only taking the things that she has told me. I don't think I'm better than anyone. I just don't believe they have dignity the way a person who has worked in college to get. I have known lots of strippers in a short time, and it seems to be the same old rap. I don't mean to be discriminative or pompous,it's only things I've heard from their own mouths.

I claim they have no dignity because if you sit back and watch the relationship of a stripper unfold, it usually worsens and worsens. But if both parties are kindred spirits than it's o.k.

But when you here things that people have done to your other that makes them feel lower than low every night, it's hard to be an advocate.

Many will be upset with the truths told here. I only warn the prospective female who can't see why their man has problems with you stripping.

And why women have problems with self respect.

No one forced them to submit dignity for money. They subsequently made that choice of their own accord. Whether they feel it is their last resort.

I am only here to tell all strippers out their to understand both sides of the story. Not all men are assholes, and not all strippers are whores. But tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are...right?

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009):

Are you dating a stripper? Why? If you think so negatively of them? What is your point with all of this?

<-- Rate this answer


Add your answer to the question "Are relationships with strippers doomed to fail?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft