A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend that is in his midfifties and we knew each other for awhile as friends(almost a year). We were both attracted to each other from the beginning but both of us are very reserved and got to know one another slowly. In the 2 months we began dating and going to dinner and movies, drinks and so on. We get along very well and just in the last month it has become physical and it's really intense. I feel that he is very attracted to me and can't keep his hands off me but the thing is, we haven't had sex. both of us have talked about it a lot in the last month and got tested and decided not to use a condom for our first time which is in a couple of days(I will be going to his house). Last week, after we had gone out, I tried to go down on him after some intense making out and he let me but only for a minute because he didn't want to cum. I'm very nervous about this whole thing because what if that means he has a problem maintaining an erection or some problem like that? How do I handle it if that happens at his house? He gets hard when we mess around but I've been doing some reading on this, and alot of guys this age have erectile dysfunction or problems? We had discussed everything about sex, what we like and we love each other so I can't believe he wouldn't mention it if he had a problem. Are older guys just less eager or am i overreacting?Maybe he spent so much time on developing the relationship so I would fall in love and then be stuck with some bad sex. SIGH
View related questions:
condom, erection Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, troubledtoomuch + ♥, writes (8 March 2008):
 I’m not going to repeat what others have said, as I agree with all of it. However, I have some things to add.
Yes, Viagra and the other ED meds will allow most men to have and maintain an erection, but only if the desire is there. There is both desire and physical ability to have an erection. The desire is made possible by emotional feelings and testosterone level. The ability can be inhibited by many things – testosterone level, medications, blood vessel condition and others. The blood vessels to the penis must be in good condition for an erection to take place. If this is the problem then the ED drugs will help. I am 62 now and have just started to investigate them, as I sometimes have a bit of a problem. Some men can experience problems in their 20s, while others don’t need any help in their 70s or even 80s. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and some medications are what are mostly responsible for erection problems.
There are also herbal supplements. Some are reported to work and some do nothing. Some work to increase desire and others work much as the ED drugs. Mandy has given you one suggestion that works well for her bf. There are others that people report working and I am in the process of trying 3 of these as soon as they arrive.
Testosterone is what drives desire. Low testosterone can be treated by prescription testosterone creams, patches or shots. My desire is still good, but less than when I was in my 30s and 40s. I have been using DHEA for about a month and experimenting with the dose. DHEA is a precursor to estrogen and testosterone and is produced naturally in the body. However, the amount produced declines slowly after the age of 40. DHEA normally comes in 25mg pills and I have read some good reports of using DHEA. It is low cost and can be found in health food stores. I like the Natrol brand. I had read that 25mg is too much, so I started with 6mg (1/4 pill). It helped some, so after 2 weeks, I tried 12mg and it really helped with desire. I had to be careful when out, as things could get embarrassing. I know that it was raising my T level, because I got a few zits. Luckily, they were located where only my wife would see them. :) I cut back to 6mg, but it was not nearly as much fun, so I started 12mg again yesterday. You have to cycle these, as the body will stop making DHEA if it gets all it needs from supplementation. Five days a week and then 2 weeks off every 2 months is what is most recommended.
It is also best to talk to a doctor to see if there is some medical reason for any problems. I discussed it with my doc when in for my 6 month check and I will discuss it during my annual physical in a couple of months. He told me that he would write me a script for any of the ED drugs that I would want to try if I wanted them. I have high blood pressure that is under control with meds for years. I take ACEIs, as they are one of the meds that do not cause ED symptoms.
I got divorced in my 30s and hadn’t had sex for about 6 months when I started dating again. We sent to bed on our 2nd date. I had no trouble getting and keeping an erection, but I never got an orgasm. It was probably a combination of both the condom and nervousness, as she was only my 2nd partner ever. My new gf was very nice and said nothing and was very supportive on our next date. We didn’t use a condom and I have never had a problem until a few months ago. Probably not smart to not use a condom, as she had just broken up with her last bf the day after our first date. Yeah, she liked me a lot. :) Fortunately, no STIs.
I hope this helps a bit. If he has some trouble the first time, just be nice to him. He will probably be nervous. That is natural for most guys. Maybe not the players, but for the nice and somewhat shy guys. Good luck.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (8 March 2008):
 You worry too much. You will find out for yourself whether it is bad or not.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Hi Hunny
He is very much into you sweetheart, And have you talked about the last time you both had a sexual encounter as if he hasnt had one for awhile then that could very well be it..My fella is young and he hadnt been with a girl for 6 months before we got together and he will kill me if he sees this but he is asleep so there...And he was the same very into me and well I though this is great, It didnt take him long the first time but by the fifth time we had it down to a tee...I think hunny its excitment and any man would be the same if they had not touched a female for awhile, and if he has been talking openly with you then he is looking forward to it as much as you, I dont think if he had a problem to big that he would be talking like he has been he would be more holding back.. If you are really worried and you find he does have a problem there is a herbal pill you can get of the net and it works cause we tested it cause we are mad!!!!Ill send you a link hunhttp://www.vigrxplus.com/?a=07734&t=VIGRX&c=0
Its safe no side affects and it really works hunny im not joking we could have sex 6 times and the poor sod would still be walking around with three legs BLESS! Just a thought viagra has so many different side affects this is just herbal but belive me Im living proof sweetheart!!!!!!!!!!
So have a great time hunny and enjoy yourself WITH TONS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. John + ♥, writes (8 March 2008):
 The two most important things you both can do is this;
keep open communications between the both of you,
and take things as they come. Don't try to hurry things and it should happen naturally.
There is often what is called anticipitory anxeity which may tend to slow things down a bit.
He may also be dealing with things in his own mind that he is not even aware of whether it be anticipation or even things that may have happened to him some time before he met you.
Just give it some time and I am sure things will be fine. Doc
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (8 March 2008):
 You are welcome darlin'. Again, it is amazing and just gives a man the chance to rise very well when the occasion presents itself. Often, the problem passes naturally in time, but use this as needed. You will be pleased, as will your man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help DoubleM, Entirely Unique & Sweet-Thing!
I know what to expect now and feel so much less anxious about this. You don't know how freaked out I was! Thank you and you guys are great!
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (8 March 2008):
Yes, a man who has taken Viagra (sildenafil citrate) absolutely feels everything wonderful about sexual contact and activities, and my experience has included full satisfaction. In my opinion, it is much more than just gaining an erection, which is not automatic without a reason. Funny thing is, without stimulation sexually, nothing much happens. It seems rather harmless to me, but very beneficial when things heat up, if you know what I mean.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow does viagra change the experience, I mean, do you still feel anything on it or is it just something to stay hard?
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (8 March 2008):
Give the guy an chance, or four or five. Yes, it can be a little more difficult for older men to reach erection or keep it. Some occasional oral stimulation often keeps things interesting, then you can go back to intercourse. It has nothing to do with not "wanting" that maybe a third of men over about 50 have some difficulty at one time or another. Some erectile dysfunction problems are possibly more consistent, but some are just a phase.
Didn't hit me until about 60 but thank goodness for Viagra and Cialis. Expensive, but worth it.
In many cases, it is but a temporary thing cause by medications that regulate blood pressure (notably beta blockers) or other meds. Some cases may be more natural, but I'm told that the erection pills work very well in most all cases.
If your man will perform oral stimulation for you, be pleased and thankful. He takes the pill, and usually within a half-hour or a bit more, he can rise to the occasion.
...............................
A
female
reader, Entirely Unique  +, writes (8 March 2008):
 Or maybe he wants to wait til your first time together at his house when you actually take this relationship further before he ejaculates with you.
There could be a problem but as you said you've talked about everything so I can't see why he wouldn't discuss this with you, some men do find these problems embarrassing but there is help out there for him and things you can do to help him if there is a problem.
I would wait til the night at his house, thats when you will know whether there is a problem or just him wanting to wait, as you said you've talked of using no condoms maybe he does just want that moment to be really special and complete and to him waiting to ejaculate til that night is part of that.
If he does have problems just remember it's embarrassing for him so reassurance and affection will go well to ease his mind and make him feel at ease with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing + ♥, writes (8 March 2008):
 I can somewhat relate to what you're going through, being involved myself, with a guy who is 12 yrs.older than me who just hit his big 50. I had been attracted to him for many years (we were casual friends, both involved with other people) so we didn't get together until about 3 years ago. Needless to say, it was intense, but the first time we actually had sex, he had difficulty maintaining an erection, which shocked me because I knew he hadn't been with anyone in 2 years and I suppose I had the old notion from my youth about guys and their "equipment". Our first time was.....not so special but I was not willing to throw in the towel. And I'm glad I didn't, because it got better each time and I learned thatd some men actually get nervous when they are with a woman they are attracted to, so things don't always work that well. I also have learned that alot of men in this age bracket have certain challenges so we girls can't hold them up to the standards we are familiar with when dealing with guys who are in their 20's and 30's. My b/f still has occasional problems maintaining his erections from time to time, but it's usually related to a night of partying, or not enough foreplay. (I am usually ready way before he is)...but I would say 95% of the time, he is great and he totally satsifies my every need! Just be patient. I doubt your guy will have any serious problem, but sometimes he may have some difficulties when you're raring to go. It sounds like you both have deep enough feelings for each other to get past the trivial, and occasional blip. I wish you the best.
...............................
|
