A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I'm a seventeen (Virgin) year old boy.I do want a girlfriend but I'm worried that my standards are too high. I don't believe in ANY sexual contact whatsoever, I wouldn't date a female if she had voluntarily given her virginity away or if she'd ever "made out" with anyone before. I wouldn't either date a female if she had ever smoked once.Are my standards too high?
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female
reader, Rose22  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 i would say yes.but i also say good luck and i hope you find what you are looking for.
i cant really say much else as it has all been said.
redrose
xxx
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Personally, I don't think you're gonna find someone who hasn't at least kissed someone else. That, I think, is being a little unrealistic. The other two - no sex, and no smoking can be/is fairly common... up to a certain age.
Google: teen sex statistics - and you'll find how likely you are to find another 'virgin', especially as you all (as an age group) get older.
You MIGHT to a little better, statistically/pool wise, if you attend/date girls who are active in church... but even that isn't a guarantee.
So... you might want to reconsider that 'no kissing' part.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Its great that you know what you want and have good standards.
However, just because someone has had sex or 'made out' with someone else doesn't mean they will be anything less then a great girlfriend. Just because you have sex it doesn't make you 'dirty' or less of a women. People think that once your virginity is lost a women becomes 'used' or 'less worthy'. If you think about it physically it just doesn't make sense.
Sex or sexual acts are a way of expressing feeling and love for others, an act that is completely natural and human. An act that everybody does. I originally wanted to save myself for marriage, but i lost my virginity to my bf who i've been dating for 3 years. I don't regret it, because its love that brings you together not marriage.
I think when you grow up more and more, sex becomes less of an issue and less of a drama! Its just a natural way for humans to interact.
The only rule I have now is that I will always know and love the people I sleep with, and I will never do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable.
Its good to be picky and have 'a type' as long as you means are justified. My opinion is that just wanting a girl who is 'untouched' isn't a good enough reason to turn away the majority of women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Good luck. You're going to need it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 There's a reason why you still dont have a girlfriend. Now you know what it is. The other aunts have said it.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 February 2011):
 It's a numbers game... the average age to lose your virginity is 17 in the UK. That means some have sex younger and some have sex older. It's also probable that the majority of young girls have had some type of sexual experience, whether they consented or they were abused.Your looking for a very, very, small amount of "pure" women.Then you add non-smoking. Now you might find a virgin, but she's made out, been sexually abused by an adult, or she smokes. The amount of women you can choose to date gets smaller every time.We also have to calculate the amount of virgins who have never smoked and never done anything sexual, but want a virgin as a boyfriend.Smaller still..And even if we meet this very rare woman, will she like you, will she fancy you, what if she doesn't like the way you look or the way you act.You better start dating soon, like maybe this week, every second you wait, your perfect woman decides to do the things you hate, and the available women to date gets less and less until so few exist, you'll need a detective to find them.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 February 2011):
 If we were living in Victorian times you'd have a better shot at finding your idealistic female, but judging by the ages of some of our posters, you are SOL.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): hii...well...my answer is a mixture of yes and no. i applaud you on the fact that you are still a virgin and want to date a girl who is also a virgin. i myself intend to save myself for marriage, and i would absolutely love to find a guy who had the same intentions. however, i have seen firsthand how hard it is to find significant others who are still virgins.as for everything else...i hate to say it, but i do kind of think you need to lower your standards just a little bit. i mean, if you want to wait around for a girl who has never kissed/made out with anyone...you'll probably be waiting around for a while. as for the smoking thing...why would it matter if they've only done it, like, once or twice??? all you should really care about is that they don't currently do it.there's nothing wrong with having high standards. and someday, you might meet someone who actually DOES live up to all of them. buuut i do encourage you to maybe be a little more accepting and open-minded in the future. and who knows??? you might be surprised at all of the options that that gives you. ")good luck, and God bless,~sarsar~
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Have fun walking the lonely road of disappointment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): You are young and it is easy to want high ideals. But as you go forward you realise life just isn't like that. Things happen that sometimes we regret and we learn from them. Unless you meet the ideal girl first time out and settle with her (you'd be very lucky if that were to happen) you will find that everyone is out there living their lives the best way they can. But sometimes perfection alludes us. I would just bare that in mind.
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 There's certainly nothing wrong with delaying sex until you're in a long-term, monogamous relationship, and holding out for a girl who shares the same values. And avoiding girls who make out with guys on a routine basis or who are smokers is understandable.
But rejecting anyone who's ever done those things even once is different. Everyone make mistakes. Just because someone smoked one cigarette once and decided it was a bad idea doesn't make them a terrible person. It doesn't ruin them for life. Even God seems more forgiving than you. So yes, your standards are too high if you are expecting perfection. Everyone does dumb things sometimes but that's how they learn. In fact, dating someone who smoked once and totally regretted it would be preferable to someone who never smoked at all but is thinking of starting.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Yes, they are not only high, they are also unrealistic. People are not produced in a factory and can be bought in the store for a fixed price. People are individuals, they will have history, personal ideas about what is right or wrong, experiences, thoughts etc. Finding someone who meets your standard might still be possible at 17, although this is the age where all experiment. Every week your pool of "pure" women shrink. And by the age of 20 there will be hardly any left. Not to mention whomever is left might not at all be someone you are compatible with or will be happy with. And then even if you meet a girl like this, who's ot say she doesn't want to try smoking once in her life after you and her have gotten together?
Instead of limiting your love and putting restraints on yourself and a future partner you would benefit from widening your horizon and learning to get to know a person for who they truly are, and not base your impression of a person on ideals. There's too much love out there to have it being classified as "unworthy" so simply. You wont be happy until you allow yourself to love imperfection. Because that is just what humans are: imperfect. And that is what life is: unexpected and full of surprises. If you fixate yourself up to something static like an undying ideal, you will only hurt yourself, end up alone, and be sad about life which will never turn out the way you plan.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Those are noble desires, but not terribly realistic unless you find a girl who's never dated anyone before you. You're still young enough that you might be some girl's first boyfriend, but as you age it will become pretty rare. When you find someone you really love, though, those rules tend to disappear. I wanted to give my virginity to a virgin, but I discovered that when I loved someone, I just didn't care about her past, I just loved her present self.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): No, but as you get older you will realize that what seem like moral 'standards' to you as a young teenager are actually irrelevant or even downright unhelpful as tools for coping with the wider challenges of adult life and choosing a life partner.
Just because someone has smoked or has had sex does not make them a bad person. It's far more important to be with someone who has a kind, warm, loving, generous, loyal, and brave personality than someone who has never had sex but is completely arrogant and self-obsessed. (Girls can be completely chaste yet utterly evil in their conduct to everyone around them).
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A
female
reader, justjess +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Would you then expect said girl to give up her virginity to you? Or to kiss you?Although I'll agree with you on the smoking, vile disgusting habit that it is.Personally, I've never kissed anyone let alone had sex, but at our age (I'm 16) that appears to be more an exception than the norm. Have you ever kissed anyone? I can understand that perhaps you want to experience all these things with each other for the first time, but are these going to be your standards every time you look for a new girlfriend? If so it's going to get even harder as you get older to find someone to fit those standards.And what do you mean you dont believe in any sexual contact? Do you mean ever or just before marriage? Remember... times have changed now, society's values and norms are different than they used to be. I personally feel that your standards, while not too high (if that's what you want then that's what you want), may be hard to find.
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