A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 16 yr old daughter told us she wants a sex-change.She said it's the solution to all her problems - she wants to work in the motor industry or the logistics industry, and said both those industries aren't really accepting of women working for them, whether on the shop floor or in management.She explained there's none of this "I've always wanted to be a boy" etc. - she'd got an email which was from a surgery in Thailand and it promised sex-changes cheaply, a 5-night stay in on-site hotel and more.We were then shocked by what she'd told us next... if she changed careers [i.e. not automobile industry/logistics] she'd go back to Thailand and REVERSE the sex-change!I'm worried about her mental health. I know for a fact she's never shown any interest in sex-changes or male things before [other than her intended careers] so I can't understand this, and my husband is distraught - he said he'd rather she had her body pierced than go through with this.Has she got mental problems, and if so, how should we handle this situation sensitively?I feel concerned for her, this behaviour seems so odd and out-of-character for her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): I don't think your daughter really wants or needs a sex change. But it sounds like she's a girl who understands the misogyny around her, and is in desperate need of strong female role models to help her understand that she can be successful and female.
Instead of freaking out about the sex change (teenagers can be so provocative sometimes!), sit her down and talk with her - seriously - about feminism. Maybe start the conversation with a gift, like a book about famous women in science and engineering (there are LOTS!). I also recommend a book for teenagers about feminism, introducing ideas of equality and sexism, because it sounds like she's struggling to articulate her outrage with the treatment she's noticed that women get in the world, and these could really help!
Tell her that you're proud of her ambition and her drive to succeed in an unconventional area. Tell her that you know it will be tough, but that you believe in her talent and her ambition. Tell her that you will support her whatever she chooses. Hopefully she'll open up and you'll be able to have a heart-to-heart about the need for women to be educated, have the vote, and succeed in careers! Good luck.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 First two things. Unfortunately she is right about having a lot of trouble making it to the top as a woman. I had someone tell me to my face in a computer sciences course that he would not take computer advice from me because he wanted to do well and I am a woman. Computer sciences and the automotive industry are notorious for their ill treatment of women.
Now the good news, if she that determined and hard working that she is willing to risk her life to try to make it, she will do well. The best way to overcome sexism in the workplace is not through a sex change, not through lawsuits, not through anything like that. It is through hard work, determination, and just showing everyone you kick butt in your field. Back to that computer sciences course, turns out I had a knack for that particular type of programming and got the second highest grade in the class. The guy was mortified/humiliated and was like a dog with his tail between his legs.
You need to have her talk to some strong women in the workplace who can explain to her that it IS possible to have a great career as a woman. Sexism sucks, but sex changes won't fix that. Getting a sex change will make her more likely to experience discrimination, not less (as people are very hateful towards trans people).
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Yeah I'd be concerned too. A sex change operation female to male is very difficult and not something taken lightly.
Personally I think she needs some personal one on one counseling and you are wise to be concerned.
What I would do as a snarky mom is call her bluff if she was my kid.
I would tell her that Thailand is NOT an acceptable venue for this and we will get it covered under insurance since it's a viable option if she really believes herself to be transgendered. BUT she must do it the proper way and that means that she has to go to therapy and work through her issues and she then has to do all her therapy assignments (she will be made to live as a male for at least two years) and she will need to have hormone treatments etc.
And the surgery will be years down the road.
So give her 100% support but ON YOUR TERMS and she has to go to therapy and be above board about it with you....
to be honest I would need to know what she says to this in order to know if it works.
for my kid it would have worked...
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 I find it hard to believe that in these times it is that hard for a woman to succeed in business and/or engineering. I have taught a few women who were in the Electronics design area and they all did well, often being a showpiece for their company to indicate how non-sexist and inclusive they were.At 16, she cannot know her own mind well enough even to think about such a procedure, and if she thinks she could easily reverse things should she change her mind - well, I bet that ain't true!You can forbid this for at least 2 years, as she is still legally a minor (true in Canada?), but I earnestly advise counselling as soon as possible, as this is a crazy idea.
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A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Is she serious with this or is she perhaps joking around as a way to get under your skin?If she is serious, then this is extremely inpractical. Women can still get jobs in those industries and she should at least try before considering something extreme like a sex change. On top of this, she is only 16. Teenagers change their minds and have new crazy ideas everyday.This may be what she wants right now, and I'm generally the type of person who believes that a parent should let their children do whatever they feel like (as long as it isn't illegal or anything). However, in this case I would say that you and your husband should put your foot down and lay down the law. Simply tell her no.Maybe she will be mad for a while, but as I said, teenagers change their minds all the time, she'll get over this and forget about it in due time.
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