A
female
age
41-50,
meadowsweet
writes:I,ve been flirting with a friend of mine for months and yesterday we finally had sex. Today I feel that i really could be in love with him, but i have this feelin that now hes finally got his shag i'll hardly see him - and before u say it the sex was GOOD.Are men programmed to lose interest soon as they've shagged a girl and are girls programmed to fall in love with any man as soon as theyve enjoyed the closeness of sex?
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male
reader, Mark25  + ♥, writes (26 July 2008):
 No, they're not. I'm really annoyed about being tarred with the same brush. Believe it or not but most men want a loving relationship. Whether you get used for sex or not depends on where you met them or how quickly you slept with them. I won't lie to you, there are men out there who are only after getting their leg over. Unfortunately, it's these men that get more media coverage in newspapers and on television and on sites such as this. If you met this man in a bar than the chance of him wanting a shag is raised. The truth is most men go to bars pick up women for a quick shag. If you offer sex to men on a plate some will take it. If you make friends with someone first. Over a few months you'll get to know what he's like and it gives him the chance to fall in love with you. By all means flirt with someone but I get the impression that you didn't date him. Try courting first. You'll soon fish out the bad ones. If they genuinely love and respect you, you'll know.
A
male
reader, cupidguy  +, writes (25 July 2008):
Not all men are created equal. Some will resume as if nothing happened; others will be embarrassed or "camera shy" (what do we do now?); and still others will have made there quota and move on. The latter is the ones you want to avoid, and if not, in a few weeks have yourself checked for STD's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Essentially, yes, men are programmed to lose interest in a flower they've already plucked. It's called the Coolidge Effect. You can do some research on it, but here's one link to get you started - I have to warn you, it's pretty depressing for those of us who would seek monogamy from a man: http://www.reuniting.info/science/coolidge_effect
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): lazy guy is there anyway to beat the programe then/ anyway we can stop areselfs being used so we are not just one night stands?
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A
female
reader, Kinky Boots +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Its early days yets so dont jump to conclusions. I have been in the same boat as you, but the bloke did just want a shag. I just thought, so what, that is another notch on my bed post, if blokes can do it, we can. If it doesnt work out the way you want it, then turn it around and put it down to experience, dont get too serious on hung up. I have fallen head long in love with blokes i have slept with and never seen then again, buggar off i say, and get a life. You are a free person, be free and love yourself.
*******
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A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo + ♥, writes (25 July 2008):
 You used the word "programmed" which is interesting. I presume by this you mean it is subconsious and there is nothing that you can really do about it, and not the cliche that "all men are after is sex".
The answer to your first question is no, and to your second, yes. Whilst having sex you will no doubt develop a closer long-term bond with your partner due to horomes which are released during sex, in particulat oxytocin. Basically, BOTH parties will develop a closer bond, not the female stronger and a male weaker.
I hope that is what you kind of meant. If not, LazyGuy seems to have it covered. :)
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (25 July 2008):
 give him some time to think!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (25 July 2008):
 Shouldn't you give him a bit of time to show what his intentions are? You seem to be condemning him when the bed is still warm.
I wouldn't say men loose interest, rather, they satisfied their interest. The intrest being to screw pretty much every fairly attractive woman out there. Once that has been done, the interest is gone, but it never was an interest in that specific woman, just a generic hornyness targetted at all women.
As for women, yes, it is called Oxytocin and is released during excitement/orgasm and is the bonding hormone. It helps mothers bond with their babies and is a reason women are less capable of keep sex clean and pure and got to sully it with romance and love.
Not sure however wether you would call this bonding love. Human beings are after all more then just receptors for hormones. I like to think that love is more then just a rush of hormones at the right time.
If he was intrested in you, the person, then he will be in contact. If he just wanted your body, it depends on the quality of the sex. If he just wanted you as just another woman, well congrats, you had a one-night-stand.
Sorry, can't resist.
Silly, we are programmed to loose interest BEFORE sex but raised to be polite so we fuck you to stop you feeling bad.
No, we ain't programmed to loose interest, it our free will!
It is a bug, the 'seduce woman' function ain't properly recursive.
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