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Are men programmed to lose interest in a woman after they've had sex?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 July 2008) 9 Answers - (Newest, 30 September 2010)
A female Ireland age 51-59, *eadowsweet writes:

I,ve been flirting with a friend of mine for months and yesterday we finally had sex. Today I feel that i really could be in love with him, but i have this feelin that now hes finally got his shag i'll hardly see him - and before u say it the sex was GOOD.

Are men programmed to lose interest soon as they've shagged a girl and are girls programmed to fall in love with any man as soon as theyve enjoyed the closeness of sex?

View related questions: flirt

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A female reader, BeloSohno Canada +, writes (30 September 2010):

I don't believe so...I think it works both ways. I've been with men, that I've been friends with for quite some time and then had sex...but it has not made me feel closer to them anymore than before and sometimes it makes it worse.

I've also had a one night stand that turned into a great relationship afterwards.

I think men and women are both capable of losing interest but not because of sex...maybe, because it just doesn't feel right on some level. Overall, if you are both interested enough in each other it won't matter so much about the sex...it will be more about the person.

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A male reader, Vladimirzarkoff Russian Federation +, writes (28 August 2010):

Answer from an anonomous female reader:

"Essentially, yes, men are programmed to lose interest in a flower they've already plucked. It's called the Coolidge Effect. You can do some research on it, but here's one link to get you started - I have to warn you, it's pretty depressing for those of us who would seek monogamy from a man"

Being a man I feel extremely offended by this bit. I have experienced sex firsthand and am glad to say it made me closer to my partrner. You obiously seem to have somthing against men seeing as though you are trying to use false information to lie to an innocent and verry good question. "Love is hardwired into every human being's verry existance as a practicail way to ensure in the short term, the survival of a couple's offspring and in the long term, the survival of the verry species. And if you're going to argue that more and more people are getting devorced now of days that is because of kids running off and getting married quickly and not thinking of the future. So think about you're answers before degrading half the population next time. And if you haven't figured it out the answer to you're question is no.

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A male reader, JoJoman Canada +, writes (6 September 2008):

I think it's all a matter of degree. Some men enjoy an intimate relationship that can last from weeks to months to years. But some men can only be sexually aroused by newness and variety and find having sex with the same person over and over again to be boring, even stressful, so much so that some can't even function sexually after a few encounters. They are completely unaroused. Life is sad and difficult for these men because they have difficulties forming any kind of bond with a woman.

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A male reader, Mark25 United Kingdom +, writes (26 July 2008):

Mark25 agony auntNo, they're not. I'm really annoyed about being tarred with the same brush. Believe it or not but most men want a loving relationship. Whether you get used for sex or not depends on where you met them or how quickly you slept with them. I won't lie to you, there are men out there who are only after getting their leg over. Unfortunately, it's these men that get more media coverage in newspapers and on television and on sites such as this. If you met this man in a bar than the chance of him wanting a shag is raised. The truth is most men go to bars pick up women for a quick shag. If you offer sex to men on a plate some will take it. If you make friends with someone first. Over a few months you'll get to know what he's like and it gives him the chance to fall in love with you. By all means flirt with someone but I get the impression that you didn't date him. Try courting first. You'll soon fish out the bad ones. If they genuinely love and respect you, you'll know.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008):

Essentially, yes, men are programmed to lose interest in a flower they've already plucked. It's called the Coolidge Effect. You can do some research on it, but here's one link to get you started - I have to warn you, it's pretty depressing for those of us who would seek monogamy from a man: http://www.reuniting.info/science/coolidge_effect

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008):

lazy guy is there anyway to beat the programe then/ anyway we can stop areselfs being used so we are not just one night stands?

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A male reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo United Kingdom +, writes (25 July 2008):

OhLawdWhat DoIDo agony auntYou used the word "programmed" which is interesting. I presume by this you mean it is subconsious and there is nothing that you can really do about it, and not the cliche that "all men are after is sex".

The answer to your first question is no, and to your second, yes. Whilst having sex you will no doubt develop a closer long-term bond with your partner due to horomes which are released during sex, in particulat oxytocin. Basically, BOTH parties will develop a closer bond, not the female stronger and a male weaker.

I hope that is what you kind of meant. If not, LazyGuy seems to have it covered. :)

Best of luck.

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A female reader, LIERIN United States +, writes (25 July 2008):

LIERIN agony auntgive him some time to think!

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (25 July 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntShouldn't you give him a bit of time to show what his intentions are? You seem to be condemning him when the bed is still warm.

I wouldn't say men loose interest, rather, they satisfied their interest. The intrest being to screw pretty much every fairly attractive woman out there. Once that has been done, the interest is gone, but it never was an interest in that specific woman, just a generic hornyness targetted at all women.

As for women, yes, it is called Oxytocin and is released during excitement/orgasm and is the bonding hormone. It helps mothers bond with their babies and is a reason women are less capable of keep sex clean and pure and got to sully it with romance and love.

Not sure however wether you would call this bonding love. Human beings are after all more then just receptors for hormones. I like to think that love is more then just a rush of hormones at the right time.

If he was intrested in you, the person, then he will be in contact. If he just wanted your body, it depends on the quality of the sex. If he just wanted you as just another woman, well congrats, you had a one-night-stand.

Sorry, can't resist.

Silly, we are programmed to loose interest BEFORE sex but raised to be polite so we fuck you to stop you feeling bad.

No, we ain't programmed to loose interest, it our free will!

It is a bug, the 'seduce woman' function ain't properly recursive.

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