A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am struggling to meet a guy I fancy and would want for a future and who is an average/good lover. The good guys who are trustworthy, kind, warm and solid seem to lack that intense fizz and passion. I am no spring chicken and far from perfect and am by no means meaning this in a negative way but more from general curiosity.I love great sex and it is important to me.Those who are fit, hot, great fun and amazing in bed seem to be the alpha types who never settle. Is this why bad boys are so exciting for us girls? I am just wondering if this is true for other women. I realise it's a sweeping statement but so many of my friends agree. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2015): I've dated some 'bad boys' who were crap in bed, equally people I thought might not be so great turned out to suprise me. The stereotype or initial impression would give me no clue as to what they are like in bed. Only one way to find out!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2015): Maybe you are trying guys that are TOO nice in a reflex action away from jerks. Try to find some middle ground.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 August 2015):
 I'm a "good guy".... AND... I'm fantastic in bed. What's your question?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2015): My husband is a 'good guy' kind, sweet, caring.
But he is wild in bed. By far the kindest, gentlest, most loving man I've ever known and by far the dirtiest ;-) I'm a happy woman.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (27 August 2015):
NO...Bad boys SEEM to be fun simply because they don't care. You spend more time trying to please them and keep them, but it's all based on lust.
Good guys can be the same as the bad boys, but they care more about not hurting you physically or emotionally...that is why they are more gentle.
However, open that door for him and show him you have no worries about a wild time in bed, and you will get exactly what you are look for. Good guys simply have more control of themselves, and only let it out if they know it's safe to do so.
I am an Alfa good guy...You have no idea the things I suppress and control in order to maintain that image.
As the saying goes..."Don't take my kindness for weakness"
We know how to bad in a good way :))))
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (27 August 2015):
 Hi,well i am glad to say that you're wrong, so too, your friends!Whilst some good guys may be not so good in bed, there must be wild guys who aren't so good in bed either.Actually, i've met a few myself.In life, there are pros and cons to just about every facet.What you and your friends, with all due respect are doing, is pretty much labelling the good guys vs the bad guys, when you get the good and the bad in everything on planet earth.My husband, along with many men i have known and from having spoken to many of my close gfs, are all great lovers, but obviously i speak primarily from my own personal experience and my husband is definitely no bad boy.He is very well educated, well mannered, well dressed, quiet, i tease him sometimes and tell him that he could well be a 'computer nerd', but of course i'm just teasing him. He's actually a more than sensational lover and i regard him as being super sexy.Many quiet men and women are actually tigers in the bedroom. In fact, most people are. I would advise you to just go with the flow and judge a new prospective partner, by the type of initial chemistry that you feel for him and so long as you get that vibe from him too, then there is some serious potential for something more to grow.Btw, as you'd surely be aware, sex within a relationship is important, if that is what is important to the two involved, but it's certainly not everything and even great sex, will not keep two people together for the long term, because it takes a lot more to make a relationship work for the long term.Great communication and trust are equally important, if not more, because without these two elements, there is no future for the relationship.Good or great sex is just a real bonus and unfortunately we cannot foresee the future of our sex life with anybody we've met for the first time, but as i mentioned before, that all important initial chemistry and those pheromones we emit, are most important before anything can progress anyway.Try not to listen to what others say, use your own mature logic and make your own judgements.Also, do remember that what is most important, is meeting a guy that you truly connect with on a deep level and if it's meant to lead to great intimacy, it will.If your current expectations are set too high, even before you've met anybody, you may never find that special soemone, because every man you meet, may not seem like sexually wild material and because you've already made pre-assumptions, about what he may or may not be like in the bedroom.I have never met any man, based upon my own pre-conception, of what the sex will be like, what it may or may not be like.You simply go with the flow of things. You don't just hop straight into bed with a new man, unless you're into one night stands, so you take your time and assess the entire connection that you and he have, not just base everything around exprectations of great sex or super great sex.Who knows, you may just meet 'the one'. Hang in there, be patient and remember to set your bar a bit lower.I would advise you strongly to get to know the guy properly first and if the sex is to be, it will be.If things don't progress as you'd have liked, you can always end it.What you and your friends are doing is pretty shallow.You are judging and labelling 'good' men, without truly getting to know them as individuals.There are literally millions of good guys out there, who are surely great and sexy lovers, just as sure, there are millions of bad boys, who are great lovers too.I would prefer the good guy over the bad boy anytime, as the long term outcome and future with the bad boy, may not be so palitable. There's an obvious reason that he's labelled a bad boy!Remember, you can't have your cake and eat it too!All the best!
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