A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my boyfriend for just over three years and we've always had a great sex life but I'm starting to worry about things.At the start of the relationship our foreplay involved the both of us doing things to each other. I really don't mind giving oral sex, I used to quite like doing it, I don't know if that makes me odd! he also really likes going down on me, which is great.As time has gone on it seems to be that he does everything to me and doesn't care if I don't do anything to him. Within the last year any time we have sex he always goes down on me for ages and I don't do anything to him. I've started to feel really lazy, like I should be doing things for him too.I tried to give him a blow job last night and he just didn't get aroused at all. I've been told by other people I've been with in the past that I'm good at it and I've never had this problem with anybody. I then tried giving him a hand job and that didn't work either. I didn't say anything to him because I don't want him to feel bad or turn it in to an issue because things like that can worry men I suppose. But he then had to do things to me to be able to get aroused.I know I should feel lucky that I have a partner who really likes satisfying me but I like doing that too. Are blow jobs a bit overrated? I've never been with anybody who doesn't like them or isn't interested in being touched. When we started seeing each other he would come if I gave him a blow job so I don't get why he doesn't like them any more.Do people go through stages of what they like in bed? If he doesn't like me doing it any more is there anything I can do in bed that men like rather than oral sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2015): Thanks for the responses :) That's a good idea doing it to wake him up, I'll give that a go. I'm kind of relieved that you say that you go through stages, I suppose sex shouldn't always just be the same for ever and I think I like different things now than I used to.I thought about the fact that I may be doing it wrong where you say about teeth rubbing against it, I try and make sure I don't do that, maybe I've got used to him doing things that I don't do it as well as I used to. Other guys I've been with have said I'm great at it but then again they always wanted me to do it so I had lots of practice getting it right.Didn't even think about the fact that some men think it's a bit degrading or think the woman doesn't actually want to have that in their mouths.Anyway I decided to go down that road of asking him what he likes me doing to turn him on or get him going and he said he just really enjoys turning me on. I have really sensitive breasts where as his exes weren't bothered by him touching them or kissing them plus I can orgasm quite quickly when he goes down on me, he said he's never been able to make a woman orgasm as much as me so that's all he wants to do these days.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): As a man in your age group (33), I can tell you that I myself have gone through ups and downs with blowjobs. Some years, they really "do it" for me and I want them more than anything else we could do in the bedroom. But I have gone through long phases where blowjobs have done nothing for me and I have preferred to focus on pleasuring my partner through foreplay.
It's normal. A man's foreplay needs and wants can fluctuate widely over time.
If you really want to give him one and pleasure him with It, you can always wake him up in the morning by doing it. That's guaranteed to arouse him, in my opinion.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (8 December 2015):
You are smart not to show you displeasure with him not responding to blow-jobs and hand-jobs. That could cause him to loose confidence in his sexual abilities and worsen the situation. Try to open up communication with him but make sure it has a positive spin ("Let's ____ tonight!" rather than "You don't seem to like BJ's anymore?")As for one man's perspective on this: I've never been a big BJ fan as I always seem to put myself in the place of my partner...do I want that stuff in my mouth? No, its worse than the stuff that comes out of your nose...there's a million little buggers swimming around in it. OK, maybe not that bad, but it is hard for me to imagine a woman wanting that stuff in her mouth although I know a lot do. Also, I see it as a bit degrading to the woman. So I'm not a fan. But a lot of guys want BJ's. Maybe I should be the one writing DQ in search of advice. It sounds like he gets aroused, you are having vaginal sex and he is having orgasms that way. Correct??? If so, he may be starting to become a bit bored with sex as it has become the same old routine time after time. Could this be? Perhaps consider changing your routine and spicing things up. Also, some women unintentionally rub the guy's penis against their teeth when giving a BJ...not gnawing on the thing but make it uncomfortable nonetheless. That can be a turn-off.I've offered you the tastes and opinions of one just one male as there is pathetically little credible research on these things.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (8 December 2015):
The question isn’t about whether blow jobs are overrated or not. They are to some people, not to others. Everyone is an individual when it comes to sex, what turns them on and what does not. I don’t think you have to make it an issue to try and talk to him about this. Give him plenty of reassurance. Tell him, firstly, that you love how much he does to satisfy you and you’re glad that he seems to enjoy it too. Rather than ask him outright, tell him that you’ve been wondering what he really likes you to do and explain that you want to put as much effort in to satisfying him too. Ask him to tell you what really gets him going and what he likes. I’m not sure exactly why he’s lost some of his interest in blow jobs. Perhaps as your sex life developed, he simply came to realise that he enjoys going down on you and giving you pleasure more. But one thing I’ve learned after a long time on this site is that we can generalise about what men and women like and don’t, and some-one will quickly present us with an exception. That’s why, for me, the best advice I can give is how the partner can best get the information from the other about what they want without causing offense or making it an issue. Yes, there are plenty of positions and techniques to experiment with, but make sure you’re on the same page first.
I wish you all the very best.
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