A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 this year; I'm fat but not disgustingly obese, don't have a pretty face and very self-conscious deep down. The thing is, I'm very confident and most people look at me as the hyper and bubbly one who brightens up everyone's day but inside, I feel like crap because I'm not attractive, I don't feel good about my body and face either. Sometimes, I feel so upset with myself when I see other people having a partner to hang out and do things with. I've never had a boyfriend my entire life though I do know that there's about 2 or 3 guys who had a crush on me before. 1 of them still do. But I have no interest in them AT ALL. I seem to only attract weird and scary people :( I've seen (no offence) less attractive girls with boyfriends but here I am, a boyfriend-less loser waiting for someone to get me. Am I ever going to get or attract a decent guy with my physical appearance? Sometimes, I do feel like guys who are not superficial seem to be extinct. Almost all the guys I know only look for girls who are pretty and thin. I feel so hurt and angry when I look at myself in the mirror, wishing I looked better.Tell me, are there actually guys out there who wouldn't mind curvy and not-so-attractive girls?! :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): if you think being fat is stopping guys liking you then you could be right because one of the most attractive things in a person is health, so why not try eating better, see if you feel different, if you get any compliments etc
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): We're there. Just hard to find.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 At 17 you are still very young. You are NOT a loser because you haven't had a boyfriend at 17.
I'm not sure that it is fair to dismiss boys as superficial because they tend to prefer slimmer more attractive girls. There is a lot of social and peer group pressure on the higher ranking males in a given group to seek out the most attractive females. Physical attraction is ONE important component of the overall package that they are looking for. You might fairly say that a boy is shallow if physical beauty is the ONLY characteristic that they are looking for in a mate. There isn't a single linear spectrum which runs from curvy, interesting, intelligent girls at one end to slim, beautiful, stupid and uninteresting girls at the other. There are beautiful girls who are fascinating and wonderful people and there are curvy girls who are also stupid and boring.
The media constantly bombards us with images of high status men with slim attractive women. By pairing with a less physically attractive girl a boy fears that he is sending out a signal that he is of lower status himself. That is one dynamic at play. There are some heroic exceptions to this, one that comes to mind is the successful British comic Lenny Henry who was paired with the enormous Dawn French.
A second dynamic has to do with excess weight more than looks. Very few people would choose to be overweight. Therefore excess weight appears as an outward manifestation of a lack of self control and self discipline which is a not so attractive characteristic. I know this about myself, I'm 280lbs and I'd consider my ideal weight to be 220lbs. I know what is required to get to 220 but I don't do it because I lack the self discipline. If I had the self discipline required to lose the weight and keep it off then I would likely also be a more effective businessman, wealthier and a more attractive mate.
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A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 If you are looking for a guy that isn't superficial, you need to stop being superficial.. You are attracting guys, but then you go label them as "weird and scary." Perhaps you need to lower you expectations in what you think is a "decent" guy and maybe you will find someone decent. Girls are not going to find a Brad Pitt to date just as guys are not going to find an Angelina Jolie to date.
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A
male
reader, seneca  +, writes (27 June 2010):
Believe it or not, most serious, decent guys look way beyond what sort of body a girl has and are genuinely interested in what sort of person she is.
Draw your own conclusion. Only you can do something about it.
At the same time, applying the self-discipline needed to get down to a normal size might help develop the personalty and self-esteem that attracts men.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (27 June 2010):
 The trick is to make the best of what you have and be confident. As the saying goes "If you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you?"
I agree with Sincerely Yours, you can't complain about not having a boyfriend or guys not liking you if you've had guys that liked you in the past. You may not have liked them, but still, at least you've had someone interested in you.
I'm sure you'll find someone that is right for you soon enough. Just don't go looking for it, love will usually find you when you least expect it ;)
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (27 June 2010):
 You sound a little superficial, my dear. You've had guys have crushes on you, so how can you call them superficial?
The thing is, if you really are as unattractive as you say, then they guys you've attracted anyway, are decent. Only the MOST decent guys, are intersted in girls for their personality, and not for their looks.
Have you thought about it that way?
THey might be weird or scary or whatever you said, but truth is, they're just not what you had in mind. You can't complain about guys not liking ugly girls, or about never having a boyfriend, when you've passed up three or four opportunities.
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A
female
reader, Wise Woman of the Forest +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Aha, you sound like myself. Not all guys are superficial. You must exude confidence and always be yourself. Get oiut into the world, do something you love and if you're really unhappy with your shape, perhaps join the gym: this is can also be a great way of meeting people and gaining a larger social circle. Instead of focusing on the features you don't like, focus on the ones you do. Not all men are superficial and you'll find one who's right for you. As for attracting weird people, just DON'T lead them on, though I find that they can be a great way of building confidence. However, some of these males may have a great personality, perhaps befriend them- you may find that you like them. (:
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