A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Can a guy just be friends with a girl or is it always invariably going to end up with the guy thinking of a girl as a possible sexual partner? I am an open girl, I like to tease, to wrestle, to have fun and play around, I even like affection if its clean but it just seems to be that things always turn strange with my guy friends after a while. I get along better with guys but is it really impossible to just keep something fun and innocent? Why do things turn toward being sexual? I don't even know if I have had a male friend who hasn't started having romantic or just sexual feelings about me in time. Anyone managed to have a successful nonsexual guy/girl friendship (where someone doesn't have to be gay)? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the feedback. Usually it happens that it goes the route of them asking me out or saying they love me, Generally people don't see me as sex no relationship girl b/c I am not that way at all. By teasing I meant sarcastic joking just encase that was unclear. I've been friends with guys who loved me for awhile but it always gets too hard for them after a bit.
A
male
reader, damluvaam + ♥, writes (21 June 2009):
 I've had many "girl"friends who I havent had the slightest sexual attraction to. Not because they weren't attractive, by any means, but that just wasn't part of our relationship for whatever reason and I just didnt see them that way nor did they see me in that light either. I dont know why or how that happens, but I can tell you I have female friends who will always just be great friends.
So, yes, somehow it is very possible.
Denny
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): It's possible. I've managed it with one girl long term.
It helps if you (both) are reasonably honest with each other about the attraction. Don't constantly focus on it all the time but there is no point totally pretending it doesn't exist either. Just handle it correctly and keep limits.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Speaking from a guy's point of view, I have a girl whom I am best friends with. And many girls are my friends. I may have sexual tendencies towards them but I don't cross the line nor do they let me cross that line. A big part of it is being mature and open.
But I think the problem for you is the mixed signals. There are only a few guys who can stay friend despite the flirting etc. Teasing and flirting and those things will cause most guys to get the wrong idea. If you want a good guy friend it may be better to express yourself with words and thoughts than actions.
If all this fails then maybe just get a gay guy @_@
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A
female
reader, ilovecookies  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 Ive been friends with a guy for 11 years now and nothing has ever happened between us.
Yeah i wrestle and flirt too, but we both know it means nothing, just very harmless fun.
I think its possible...of course I cant promise that he's never pitured me naked or wondered how it would be if we dated or had sex, but we love each other too much in a brotherly and sisterly way for us to ever act upon any silly little thoughts!
We are happy like this so why ruin it?
But still, be careful in case you dont have such a strong secure friendship...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Sure! I've mostly had guy friends my whole life because all my girlfriends have tended to talk behind well... everyone's back. I found that guys never did.
95% of them were male, and I never did anything with any of them if i wasn't in a relationship with them. And i was only in a relationship with one of them before we broke up and I met who is now my husband.
They had their "hoes" and I was just their friend. They knew I wasn't going to do anything with any of them, so they just called me up for a good time. A good, clean time. And when I met the right guy, they were all happy for me. Some of them had crushes on me, and i'm sure some of them would've slept with me if I asked them to, but I had a strong, clear line drawn and the ones who respected me, didn't cross it. The ones who did cross it, were not the ones i remained friends with. I want friends who respect me.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (20 June 2009):
 One of my very best friends is a guy (not gay) and it stays platonic. I think if you are attractive, there will always be the tendancy for them to think of you in that way(usually just sexually)at times but overall, if you don't blur boundaries and keep it platonic, then there's no reason you can't successfully stay friends. But no, we don't flirt or wrestle or anything like that! If you are doing that kind of stuff, yeah, things will get strange- things will get sexual but I'd be careful not to confuse that with "romantic" unless they start asking you out on dates and telling you they love you. Sometimes this will happen and they usually can't handle being "just" your friend when they fall in love with you.
If you truly want a guy as just a friend and you don't want any kind of FWB situation, it's a good idea not to send mix messages by teasing, flirting, and getting too physical. That's leading them on sexually.
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A
female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 yep ive managed this, i have a guy friend ive had for four years now, it has never got sexual. its never needed to
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A
female
reader, missymalone +, writes (20 June 2009):
 ype course it can ive got 5 friends of mine who are lads and they're some of the best friends ive got ive been friends with them since year 7 and we nether fancied each other and all are straight
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (20 June 2009):
 It can be done! You just have to focus on the signals you are giving out. By wrestling and teasing you sound as if you are flirting and leading guys on! X
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