A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for 18months on an ad hoc basis and to be honest, when we see each other its always for kinky sex. I've tried dating other guys but they just don't compare to him and always keep being drawn back to him.Now I'm not naive to think that he wants anything more than casual sex and I've tried being honest and upfront about wanting a real relationship but the conversation never seems to lead anywhere. Any tips on either taking this "relationship" further or even better, any tips on staying anyway from this guy! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 February 2007):
 Hi, I'm wondering how you have communicated that you want a relationship with him instead of being just an occasional lover. You stated that you TRIED to be upfront and honest - but it has been my experience that you have to be BLUNT and DIRECT. If he still insists on avoiding the question, he is only interested in sex. Perhaps entice him with an offer to go out for a period of time, say 5 or 10 outings that don't enclude sex, and tell him that you'll consider having sex again after a that period. If he is not willing to entertain the idea, you should probably stop entertaining him. Men really do want what they can't have, wait at least 2 months before you sleep with someone. That way, you are already in a relationship before you are together, and you don't run the risk of being just a booty call. Best of luck, if it doesn't work out, then someone better is in your future.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (25 February 2007):
 Honestly you sound confused. You say you want to take the relationship further but think the best advice we could give you is how to stay away from him. This is a totally natural way to feel in this situation but makes it a little difficult from our point of view as agony aunts and uncles.
Take some time away from this guy to think. Tell him you're out of town or something. If you decide you want to pursue the relationship then ask him straight out. Tell him you want to be more than sex buddies and how does he feel? If you use questions he can't say yes or no to then you'll have a much better chance of success in this situation.
If you decide you want the chance to have a proper relationship with someone else resolve to stay away from him for a while. If he does not want a proper relationship with you he is obviously not as perfect as you have perceived him. It's common among some girls to rather be with anyone than be alone but the sensible girls hold out for a great guy and that's what you should do. Trust me, you can find someone who measures up, you just need to decide if you want to or not.
CD
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