A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just met a guy who's friends with a friend of mine and we ended up having sex on Friday. I really like him sexually and the feeling is obviously mutual. We've seen each other every night except tonight and it is agreed we like each other as friends and neither want a relationship. I've never had friends with benefits before audits really turns me on. The only thing is he sleeps over and the sex and everything else seems romantic yet around other people we don't act like a couple. Any tips for friends with benefits have you had one?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): CiindyCares explained it perfectly, i couldn't do better. My only tip for FB wold be to NOT DO IT. While this situation is perfect for most young guys, for MOST young girls it is not. Though the new generation is trying to convince themselves that sex is equal for both it still is not the same and never will be. Women have a tendency to get attached and what you describe is great sex and touchy feelings and cuddling, and then he acts like he is a stranger to you. I don't now how you can calmly go on for a long time like this. " we both not ready for relationship". You wild be ready for relationship if u found a man for you. If this particular guy said: I want you to be my girfriend, wild yu say no? Usually we girls don't have sex with someone who we don't consider boyfriend material. For us it needs to be a whole package, even for sex. Unless its a one night stand. I remember I was dating someone who after a month showed himself to be dumb, inconsiderate and jerk all together. The sex was amazing but I ended it because I couldn't stand his personal qualities.A guy in my place would just continue if he could get sex out of it, going for just FWB easily only hoping that it will last giving him access to a free of obligations sexual pleasure at 3 am. My tip is not to do it at all also because of a safety reasons. My girfriend had FWB for 5 years, and atone point they stopped using condoms. He assured her that he uses condoms with everyone else, but her. At one point she contracted STD from him, and she only was lucky not get something like HIV. My point is that for women it doesn't work on a long term, for men it does. Anyway, this whole thing with FWB was made up by men to avoid paying sex workers. If you want to be in this position as a free prostitute sure, keep on doing it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 March 2015):
 Cindy is right... why is it bothering you.
FWB means you are NOT a couple. YOU are friends. YOU happen to have sex together and enjoy it...
what is it you think it should be?
FWB is not a couple. It's not a "we are in a relationship but it's casual"
FWB is we are friends... who when the mood strikes us have sex. NO commitments. NO romance no ownership.. and no accounting to each other if dating others (but being honest about it and being safe if you are FWB with more than one person is crucial)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): Well, you are not a couple so how could you act as one. You maybe a couple in bed but you are so because of a common purpose which is to have sex. After sex is done, any purpose for you to be a couple is zero, nonexistent. The "romantic" side in FWB exists only for that short period of time while you have sex and it does not extend afterwards because that is the nature of such relationship. In fact, after sex, technically, you two are nothing and are free to pursue any other relationships. So if you want your "romance" to extend through the day then exit out of FWB and get a guy that will offer that to you. The current one is with you strictly for sex and has absolutely no interest in you whatsoever about anything except orgasm, mostly his.
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A
male
reader, Lightspeed Lemon  +, writes (11 March 2015):
 Common wisdom on this topic is that this type of arrangement won't last for long. One or both partners will inevitably develop romantic feelings and a desire for true relationship, which really is as it should be. Sex wasn't meant to be completely divorced from emotions and intimacy, and if a person succeeds in doing so long-term, that doesn't bode well for either their future relationships or spiritual health.You're clearly enjoying things as they are now. Just don't expect it to go on for long. Sooner or later you will have to see this guy out with another girl and, as much as you try to keep your feelings out of it, they will surface and your FWB arrangement will disintegrate. OR you and he could develop mutual feelings and decide to take this to a relationship level - which also spells the end for FWB.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 March 2015):
 " ... The sex and everything else seems romanric yet around other people we don't act like a couple ".
And, is this by any chance a problem for you ? Does it make you uncomfortable / disappointed his not acting coupleish in public ?...
I mean, it would make sense, wouldn't it. You are NOT a couple, so he does not act particularly attentive or boyfriendish. You are just two people who find each other sexually attractive, and get together for sexual release. Sex does not have to exclude tenderness, and, thanks God, it does not, there are plenty of guys who have a
" mellow ",intimate sexual style. With lots of physical contact, caresses,etc.
The main tip is: know yourself,know what you want and know what you can or cannot handle.
If you mean seriously that you JUST want a distraction and an exciting sexual experience, go ahead .
Remember, this will include not being jealous or possessive, because it's far from guaranteed that you'll stay his ONLY FWB ( btw ! always use protection !!!) , you may have to share his attentions any time. And , it will include not getting sad, mad or clingy when, once the novelty wears off, he will stop sleeping over every night and will see you more occasionally.
If you, on the other hand, get into this with the latent hope / wish that it may turn into something else,.... that you'll rope him in....that, the more he sees you and knows you, the more he 'll get attached- nip everything in the bud, because 98% of odds say you are in for a rude awakening.
I am not saying it can't EVER happen, - it just happens very seldom statistically. That's because the deck was rigged at the start , in a sense. A guy who has chosen you for sex partner , no matter how romantic the encounters are, but refuses to aknowledge your partnership in public ( well, actually he made clear he does not want a partnership with you ) has already found you inadequate as a gf at some level ,and firmly filed you as non-Gf material.
If honestly for you it's just the same, you would not dream of dating him even if you could, and all you want is the casual, occasional pleasure ( and companionship too, you are not animals ) he can give you at random times , then proceed.
But if there's a chance that you catch feelings ....if deep down what you want is a bf... if you are a person who gets attached easily... then don't even begin, it's going to be a bumpy, very umcomfortable ride...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): Yea, stop it. Don't ever get involved in anything of the sort. You are already feeling more than you should. If you were not, you would not be writing here.Please do not see this man as a friends with benefits. You will get hurt and it will be very soon. He doesn't act like he is with you when you are around other people and that seems to bother you, even if just a little. He views you as easy and a good time girl, only. You will be left feeling used, dirty, and shameful. Get out now, and don't make the same mistake twice. Tell him, "the friends with benefits situation is not for me. i thought it would be okay but i realize i am not that type of person. i like monogamy. But I sure hope we can still be friends." That may save you a shred of dignity in his eyes. Being blunt because I have a friend that has been in your shoes and she is still hurting from it. And it is her own fault.
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