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Any advice please I’m pregnant and I feel like he doesn’t care

Tagged as: Cheating, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 August 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend stemmed to be happy that I was pregnant until I pushed him away and deleted my Facebook and Instagram for a break. He hurt me I had enough I deleted social media so he doesn’t know how I am since we are long distance. He literally knew he messed up he cheated and I found out for I left him and am keeping my distance he won’t even admit what he did he just knows he got caught. He doesn’t apologize or own up to anything I told him to keep his distance and that I wasn’t going to look past it this time he hasn’t reached out I feel like he use to care he use to see how I was and now what do I have to just be strong and accept it? If he wanted to know how I’m doing and baby updates he’d talk to me? But he’s stubborn and I don’t deserve this right? Am I ready to be a single parent? How does he go from wanting a family and future with me to acting shady and knowing he messed up and being distant. I know I need to stop but it hurts. How does he just overlook that I’m pregnant my first pregnancy and just ignoring me well I haven’t reached out either because after what he did I shouldn’t run to him with open arms. He got me pregnant so i would move to his city, but I never did because I was scared that he’d hurt me and it would be tough without my family. Now I’m pregnant and alone. And this baby wasn’t planned but it definitely wasn’t avoided. That was my mistake for trusting he’d be man enough to want everything with me I see how wrong I am now. Please give me advice and opinions

View related questions: a break, facebook, long distance

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2018):

" I told him to keep his distance and that I wasn’t going to look past it this time he hasn’t reached out I feel like he use to care he use to see how I was and now what do I have to just be strong and accept it? "

I don't understand why you feel the need to be strong and accept that he's doing exactly as you requested.

"If he wanted to know how I’m doing and baby updates he’d talk to me?"

If you wanted him to know how you're doing and baby updates you'd talk to him?"

"But he’s stubborn and I don’t deserve this right?"

You're stubborn and you DO deserve this. YOU are the one who blocked HIM and told him to keep his distance.

"How does he go from wanting a family and future with me to acting shady and knowing he messed up and being distant."

He told you what you wanted to hear so you'd keep putting out for him, but now that you're pregnant you're an inconvenience and you've given him the perfect reason to keep his distance.

"Am I ready to be a single parent?"

No. You're not ready to be any kind of parent. If you were then your first priority would what's best for your child.

"How does he just overlook that I’m pregnant my first pregnancy and just ignoring me"

Very easily, especially considering you've given him the perfect reason to do so.

Sperm donor may be a loser, but in his defense he can't read your mind. You're not the first chick to think that if you tell a guy to get lost then he'll come crawling back begging for another chance, which in any event is what you told him you wouldn't do before you blocked and deleted him.

You've already gotten yourself into this mess, you need to grow up very fast and make better decisions for your child instead of whining about your love life like a schoolgirl.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 August 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHe cheated on you and he won't admit to it or take responsibility. If he loved you he would be fighting to win you back and try and regain your trust. This shows how little he thinks of you. He looks at you as weak and you need to try and be strong and stay away from him. He is the sort of person that will blame you for everything and never apologize, do you really want a future with someone who is going to treat you in that way? I know I would'nt! I think you need to be strong for yourself. It is clear he doesn't care, if he did he would not have hurt you like this! No you don't deserve this, he sounds abusive and wants you to keep running to him, he will continue to treat you bad and make it out to be your fault. Stubborn or not he should apologize and be begging you for forgiveness, but he isn't even talking to you! I cannot tell you if you are ready to be a single parent or not, but it is sad that a baby is getting brought in to this! You both should have been more careful when having sex to prevent this from happening, it is clear you where both not ready for this, and he wanted to control you by getting you pregnant. Did you not think about this before you where both careless? The only advice I can give to you now is to not contact him again, seek legal advice for child maintenance and I hope you have a family that can support you.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (15 August 2018):

Fatherly Advice agony auntThis may seem harsh but I'm not talking down to you, I'm just trying to help you understand why he is doing what he is doing.

This guy is a cheater, he has been keeping up a long distance relationship with you and having some action on the side at home. This is a good indicator of his poor character. You can't expect a person of poor character to take the high road.

Now he has been caught cheating and shut down. This is not the first time this has happened to him. Usually when he gets caught, the player will just move on to the next target. This time there is a pregnancy and it really isn't as real to him as it is to you.

He is just following his typical low life pattern and moving on. When you file on him for child support, he will likely fight it and lose. Don't give up or be emotional about it. It is simply a financial obligation that he won't escape. It will be harder because he is in a different state, but this is not that unusual.

Anyway you think he should care more about you and the baby, but the truth is that he is now showing his true color. He never cared that much, and the baby is not changing that.

Two bits of advice for you:

When someone shows you who they really are believe it.

When you push someone away, and they go away, they are respecting your decision. And by extension respecting you.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (15 August 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI think you have every right not to date him again, but you need to stop playing games and communicate properly because you are about to be a parent. There is no time for you to be selfish and immature, you both need to step up to the mark and talk about what you’re really going to do, without getting back into a relationship with each other. Start setting up what you need for your baby as a single parent and get things in order for financial support and visitation for him. Whilst long distance with someone you should never have got pregnant or risked it, but you are where you are and you need to start acting like an adult. Time to get support from your family and local services now.

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