A
female
age
51-59,
*awnathome
writes:Hey all. Have written before but just a quick update, in October when my husband was home for his days off I discovered an email from his lover who he had been with for about a month when he was working away from home. He did go back to her for maybe a week but knew it was not right and came back home in early November. She is hundreds of miles away however that didn't stop them from having some phone conversations and some exchanged emails. The last conversation I know of was on Dec 30th and he wrote her a goodbye email finally on Jan 1. I don't think there has been anymore contact and hopeful there has not but of course now I sit in doubt and am stressed about it happening again. He is here with me and says he loves me and is committed to me and wants to make our marriage work so basically, I won, but for some reason I still seem to be sitting in depression. After discovering this affair thru the other woman I also found out about 2 before her and thru my own snooping found a porn site that he had a page on looking for women which he says he never did meet. So basically all of these bombshells dropped on me within a course of 2 months. I know I should focus on that he finally wrote her a goodbye email and comes home to me every night and tells me he loves me every day but I seem to be dwelling on everything that has happened. I want so badly to let everything go! Just to concentrate on "us" now and try to be the wife I should've been for him. Thru everything I have not asked him to move out and except for a couple nights we have slept in the same room even. Do you think I am holding on to anger and possible resentment because I feel he hasn't been punished or something? I am so lost and so worn out emotionally and physically (still not eating much). I am tired of crying and feeling sad. I guess though I just keep expecting her to write to me or text me with something from him, you know like "look he still can't give me up and here is proof"! How long before I know that it is really truly over?? Any feedback would be great. I feel as time passes I am getting worse and not better and I don't understand it because he is here with me and here with his kids. Why am I unable to focus on that?? I don't want this anger to take over me.
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