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Am I wrong to have asked for the expensive ring back?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 July 2007) 24 Answers - (Newest, 4 August 2007)
A male United States age 30-35, *esoreal writes:

I just bought a $3K ring for my girlfriend and then she announces she is moving out after 10 months. I asked for the ring back and that offended her? Am I wrong to have asked?

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A female reader, meandmy2 United States +, writes (4 August 2007):

meandmy2 agony auntIMHO, she should want to give the ring back. If all that it symbolized is gone, then it is now just a trinket. After my 12 year marriage fell apart, and we had just walked out of court room free of each other, we took the same elevator down. I took the rings off and handed them to my ex. He told me to keep them because he really meant what they symbolized when he gave them, but I explained that keeping them would just be a painful reminder that they didn't still symbolize the promises we had made-him by giving, me by accepting. Legally, you have no recourse, unless there were some other form of a legal contract; such as a prenuptual agreement. Then you could ask for the return of the ring-as it was given in consideration of a binding contract-or you could ask for damages equivalent to the value of the ring.

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (4 August 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntI don't think you were wrong to ask no. That is a lot of money to have spent on someone in 10 months. Then we do learn from our mistakes. The fact she kept it is a slap in the face for you but there isn't much you can do as you gave it to her as a gift.

Take heed of what's happened and try and mve on and learn from the experience.

xxxxxxxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007):

She's allowed to. Let it go. It's a part of giving a ring and asking for marriage. There is no conditions set on it. You leave the decision up to her.

Play it smart next time.

Take care.

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A male reader, mesoreal United States +, writes (3 August 2007):

mesoreal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

mesoreal agony auntShe kept it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007):

You have the right to ask for it back if she is bailing on the relationship. An engagement ring is not a normal gift. It is given because a verbal commitment is given to spend your life together. It represents what you both have committed to loving each other and only each other. If she wants to go another direction, the ring should go back to you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007):

I dated, and have lived, with my boyfriend for 3 years before he proposed. We had only been engaged for about 2 and a half months before we called it off. This happened just 3 days ago, actually. It was a mutual decision. We have just grown apart and a marriage wouldn't work. We both still love each other. Having said that, I still have my engagement ring. If he asks for it back, I will give it to him. But if he doesn't ask, then I see no reason why I should offer it back. I love my ring and what it stands for. Why should I give it back to him just so he can pawn it off and some other lady get to wear the ring I love so much? This has nothing to do with the monetary value. It was given to me in love and I accepted it in love. I would like to get to keep it.

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A male reader, danielcool88 Singapore +, writes (14 July 2007):

you should never ask back things that you gave someone..

why you gave the ring to her in the first place ??

for love or you wanna tell people how rich you are ??

if you gave it for love, you wouldt have ask it back.. if you are showing people how rich you are.. i think you are a fool...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007):

Ok, right, it would be the wisest to return to the him, but it also would be the nicest if it was she who took the initiative. I see it that way. If the woman understands what she needs to do, she's to appreciate. If she doesn't, she can have a minus. And the past is past "da lo que tengas y no te arrepientas" So this is the risk of expensive engagements gifts......

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007):

Of course she should give it back. Imagine her with her friends showing off a $3K ring and laughing at you. Not nice, not nice.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007):

Under common law, the person who breaks an engagement is not entitled to keep an engagement ring. Precedents go back to King Edward III. If you broke the engagement, she would entitled to keep the ring.

She is a whore, but in this case she is not entitled to a $3000 payment for her services. Take her to small claims court, and if you can prove she broke the engagement you will be awarded the ring. No woman is worth $3000. Sell the ring and buy a big screen TV.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (14 July 2007):

eddie agony auntBirthday gifts are for ??. Christmas gifts are for ?? edding gifts are for?? And engagement gifts are for ?? HMMM??

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007):

I agree that it would be best that the ring returned to the man, but I don't agree with him asking so or insisting upon it, it should come from the woman or not come at all. SHE should be allowed to have the initiative. Unless maybe it has symbolical meanings and pertains to the history of the family and is expected to remain so. It's as if you want to cut away from her the memories, what's given is well given, will you also revoke the love you gave? No. + It seems you may be interested in preserving her friendship since you're worried if she'd feel insulted and you never know how there's a "pretext" to return to an old love - but it lowers the chances to do so breaking up on non-cordial terms, so it depends on how you ask back too. Just my opinion. Criticise me, but I like the attitude "you can have the past in objects, I'll have my past in ideas," because of the lack of regrets and light-heart it inspires. Maybe I'm wrong. I for one wouldn't demand things back, so long as it's not even important pieces of property in which you invested together...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007):

Forget about the ring and the woman. You gave it to her. She made a decision. You can't do a thing except hurt, heal and deal, and move on.

Live and learn.

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A female reader, Unique1 United States +, writes (13 July 2007):

I dont agree that it was okay to ask for it back. You bought it and gave it to her MEANING it was no longer yours. Dont buy things to people if for some reason you will ask to get it back. Personally, i hate that. If i buy something for someone-its theirs and i bought it because i wanted to at first place. My bf did that once and i said i wouldnt accept anything else from him if he ever did it again. So honestly, i think your being lil low and selfish (no offense)

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A female reader, deejuliet United States +, writes (13 July 2007):

deejuliet agony auntOk, several subtleties here. I dont get the idea that many have on here that it was an engagement ring. If it was then no holds barred she needs to return it. If it was a love gift, it becomes a bit more tricky. Such a very expensive gift as a $3000 ring is only given to someone we love in the expectation that we will be with them for a long time. It is not anywhere near the same as a bunch of CDs and other crap that MAY add up to 3 grand. It is a very significant and meaningful gift. When you gave the gift to her, if she did not feel the same towards you (ie deeply in love and in it for the long haul) she should not have accepted the gift at all! To accept it under these false pretenses is greedy and deceptive. She should return it. If you gave the ring to her and then a year later she decides she is moving, or wants to break up then it would be ok for her to keep it. It was given in love, accepted in love but over time it didnt work out. I hope that helps. It is my opinion only. I do think she needs to return this gift to you.

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A male reader, Andy00 United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2007):

Andy00 agony auntIt would be the decent thing for her to do to return your ring. She obviously meant a lot to you for you to give her it, and since she has demonstrated that you do not mean as much to her, she should give you it back.

The only reason I can find why she took offence to this is because it was something you gave her to keep. But like everyone else has pointed out, it's only hers to keep if she is with you. Therefore, if she has left you, you deserve the ring back. That way, you could sell it, and then save the money to buy a nicer ring for a better girl! There's a better one out there for you, buddy, she's made that very clear by leaving you.

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (13 July 2007):

O Connor agony aunti think that you are completely in your own right to ask for the ring back. you spent your money on that and she threw it back in your face wen she moved out. it is rightfully yours and since she wont be using it for its purpose i think she should respect you and give it back

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A male reader, AndreC. Canada +, writes (13 July 2007):

AndreC. agony auntShe should give it back without a doubt.I hate gold diggers"!!!!

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2007):

Jamer70 agony aunti agree with pete and flowergirl. When you gave her the ring she entered a "love" contract. She broke it so should respect your relationship and return it.

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A female reader, LauraE United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2007):

The point is, you shouldn’t have had to ask. You didn’t actually say in so many words that it was an engagement ring, but I don’t think it makes that much difference even if it wasn’t. I think the general convention is that the woman should offer to give an engagement ring back if the engagement is broken. If the man doesn’t want it, or he feels the break-up was his fault, then he might ask her to keep it. Speaking for myself, I wouldn’t want to keep it whatever the circumstances. If it is an engagement ring, tell her “You are breaking the engagement, it’s an engagement ring, so you give it back”. If it isn’t an engagement ring it isn’t quite so easy, as most people don’t hand back every present that they ever received. However, as it was so expensive, I still think she should give it back. To be honest, I think it’s both tacky and greedy to insist on keeping such an expensive gift that was given as a mark of your relationship, engagement ring or not.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (13 July 2007):

eddie agony auntYou should get it back. It was given with the intention of getting married, she accepted, she moved out. IT should come back to you.

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A female reader, love-him United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2007):

love-him agony auntHi babe,

She should definatly give you the ring back, why would she want to keep it, as you gave it her for marrige and she is walking out..

Make sure you get it back chick

Hope i helped & good luck =)

Mail me if you would like to talk x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007):

She should want to give you the ring back out of respect for you and your relationship.

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2007):

flower girl agony auntNo not at all, when she accepted the ring from you she entered into a contract, ok not legally binding but she has now broken the contract so why should she keep the ring.

Take care.xx.

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