A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:am i too logical? i love hetero sex, but i don't see the purpose in getting in a serious long term relationship with a MAN if there's no true plans on having children. men and women are not totally emotionally compatible...women and women get along quite well emotionally...men and men get along quite well...why would i want to be with a guy just to play the stereotypical role of a 'woman', if no children are not to be made from it? i do love men, as friends...even as sex partners, as people to have fun with and learn from...but to rely upon emotionally, for much of anything dependable? ha ha no! to play that subservient role...to be a slave for no apparent reason, or to be asked to be dominant/responsible 'mommy' (to an adult male!)...i don't get it at all....a female, i could date for the emotional strength it would weild, but women don't have penises (an organ which i actually like). am i wrong to think that hetero couples truly don't desire or are not able to maintain a sense of equality, or at least that a true sense of equality doesn't really happen in hetero couples? i've never experienced it myself...but i would stay (even childless perhaps) with any guy that truly tried to honor some sense of equality (even if men and women are different on a core level...that doesn't make one superior to the other, but almost all of the dudes i've been with have stated that 'men are better than women' or that 'women are better than men')... Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (19 August 2009):
 You're asking some incredibly broad and difficult questions to answer given the information you provided to us. But, I'll give it a go just the same.
I think that it all comes down to honesty. That means honesty with yourself and with your lover. If you know what you want out of a relationship, and you can communicate that to the other person, then you have half the battle won. The other half comes down to compromising. If you're willing to meet the other person half-way, then you can make a relationship work.
I don't know whether a man or a woman is right for you, but if your primary concern is related to equality and emotional compatability, then you need to find a person who compliments you in that way. You don't want a dominant guy, so find one who isn't dominant. You want a female for companionship but need a penis, buy a dildo and be a lesbian. It's really up to you what you want, and only you can answer that question.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 + ♥, writes (19 August 2009):
 I think you're putting a lot of assumptions on a whole lot of people without knowing anything specific about the individuals. I think it comes down to maturity, self-awareness and communication skills, as well as patience, empathy and understanding.
I'm a hetero woman in a loving marriage with no children. My husband and I are best friends as well as lovers and I think while our roles in the partnership are different, we are equal in status. He doesn't make any assumptions about me based on stereotypes and I return the favor.
I think each couple has to work out their own individual communicating style and approach to life as a team. Find the person who can do this with a sense of humor and mutual respect, and you are home free.
I think elpigaro made an astute observation: you're framing the question in the wrong way. I'm not saying it's bad to think about these things, but try to avoid sweeping generalizations.
I have found many men to be emotionally reliable and dependable; it may be that your pool of observed subjects is a small subset of a specific kind of man, perhaps in age or socioeconomic status or schooling. If I were to line up a group of young 20 something males and compared them to a group of 40 something males, I would expect to find a large maturity gap. Stratify them further into single and partying, dating and studying, engaged and working, all those permutations and so many others, and you'll find a great deal of difference among them.
And I disagree with your notion that men and women are not emotionally compatible. They certainly can be, if they set their minds to it. It's not drudgery, it's a joy, a fascinating mutual exploration of the differences between the sexes. I've got a secret for you: we've got more things in common with men than you think.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  + ♥, writes (19 August 2009):
I cannot be 100 per cent certain, but I assume that in this world there are heterosexual couples who do maintain a complete sense of equality in their relationships. There are also the couples that you seem to be describing, the ones where a man is dominant, and the ones where a woman is dominant.
What I can be certain of is that a person's upbringing, and their self-values will go a long way to determining which role they will accept in a relationship.
I like to think that my current relationship is equal, although in the past my relationships have been much different. But that was mostly down to myself, and the individual women's ideals and expectations of what a 'good' relationship is made of.
What is a 'stereotypical' woman? What is a stereotypical heterosexual relationship? I honestly believe that every single relationship is completely different from any other, simply because you have two human individuals interracting with each other, who are not like anyone else on the planet. I can see that through my neighbours, and my family and friends.
Your values mean that you are willing to question your role in a heterosexual relationship, and the validity of the partnership itself. Well, good for you! You will only accept a relationship with a man in which you feel emotionally connected, almost like this man is your best friend. You respect him, he respects you, and you feel like you can be comfortable enough not to have a power struggle every day over every major issue. I have to believe that there are many couples out there who enjoy their lives this way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Sorry I havent the faintest idea what you are on about. Speaking for myslf I think you are getting way too deep into the whole are we equal in this way etc...
As for no point in a long term relationship if theres not going to be kids, at what point do you make that decision, dont you think that makes the man just seem like a sperm donor.
How about this leave gender out of it.
Rephraseyour question to is it possible to find somebody who complements my strengths and weaknesses and with whom I actually enjoy spending time and with whom I would like to procreate. If your straight that person will be male , if your gay that person will be female but for gods sake do yourself a favour and relax.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (19 August 2009):
 "but almost all of the dudes i've been with have stated that 'men are better than women' or that 'women are better than men'" Better how?
Theres a really Amazing book that covers this topic..
1 Tim 5:9,10,14 Men are to lead; women are to be modest, learning quietly, and in submission; in this way, they prove their claim to godliness
Eph. 5:23-32
For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.
And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church.Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.
Husbands - love and sacrifice. Wives - submit.
1 Peter 3:1-5, 7
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard. (NLT)
You guessed it the Bible.
Many dont like this Unbeleivers used these lines to say Christianity is anti woman. "Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies". Thats pretty deep and doesnt sound antiwoman to me
submit:to allow oneself to be subjected to some kind of treatment, doesnt have to be a bad treatement
to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision That wouldnt be so terrible either if the person is good and wise.
This was all written thousands of years ago but its still just as relevant today as it was then. unfortunately in our modern world The Word takes a back seat to Ipods stockmarkets and evolution theory
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A
female
reader, happytochat  + ♥, writes (19 August 2009):
It is possible. Not all men are sexist and treat women the way in which you describe. Not all relationships are like this in reality. I wonder why you feel this way? Is that the only types of relationships you have been exposed to, where men are superior and women are inferior?
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