A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.Quick recap:Met a girl at a bar and we hung out the entire night. Danced, laughed, etc. I drove her home and we kissed outside her door. Made out up the staircase almost to her main door entrance. Not only made out but she let me put my hand inside her pants on her ass and let me undo her bra but stopped me when I was taking off her shirt.She stopped me and told me she's not that type of girl. I said I understood and we exchanged numbers. Texted her the next afternoon and she replied about 3 hours later. I said I may be going out tomorrow and said she should come. No response that night.This morning she said she had fallen asleep and simply asked where I was planning on going. Texted again today after work on/off for about an hour, joking about our night out and I invited her to a movie tomorrow night. I said:"I will probably catch a movie tomorrow. At the risk of sounding stubborn, like a new friend I recently met(we had joked about her mentioning she was stubborn); you're welcome to join. I can be pretty persistent. Let me know what you think. Night."She replied. This was her text:"Haha. Well I will be gone all day, not sure what time I will be back. We will see. Night."Not sure what my next option should be. I've invited her twice and not gotten a solid response. Do I text her an or or so before the movie? Should I wait to see if she responds at all? I would say she may not be that interested in me; but this girl and I made out for like 30 minutes outside her door. She said the only reason she didn't invite me in was because her roommate had family staying in her living room. Am I trying too hard on this one?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 October 2014):
 CALL her, maybe Thursday, and ASK her out for a nice dinner date - give a weeks heads up - if you are available FRI/SAT suggest she can pick either day, if that works for her. ALWAYS give a girl a good 3-4 days advance for a date, that way it doesn't seem like you are just trying to get into her pants again.
Movie are NOT a great place for a date. You can't really talk and the seating is NOT really mean for much PDA, plus since you don't REALLY know her, you have no idea what kind of movies she want want to watch. Movies are a good date when you know someone and is comfortable with sitting next to them in silence, laughing, crying or being scared.
Last but not least, do not come on too strongly in texts - no heavy flirting (a little light banter is fine) no sexual innuendos and double entendres.. KEEP the texting to a minimum, TALK to her instead and even better met up face to face. If she like Art or music - see what's around and invite her.
I don't agree with Trance either - I think she is playing a little coy and a little hard to get, BECAUSE you two got so hot and heavy last time and while she enjoyed it, she doesn't want YOU to think she is "easy".
So..
I would also suggest you KEEP your hands out of her pants the next couple of dates. SHOW her that you understand she doesn't WANT to be perceived as an easy A.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 October 2014):
 Another older auntie vote for PICK UP THE PHONE and make a real date.
NOT for TONIGHT
or even tomorrow night.
but at least 48 hours in advance.
something in public where you two can sit and talk and get to know each other a bit...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 October 2014):
 TrancedRhythmEar, living in the USA doesn't make all women trashy here. Location is a factor, and while women at a bar may not be ready for a relationship, there are plenty of classy women here as well.
OP, you need confidence. Once you've already had the makeout session and exchanged numbers, it's not the time to start fearing rejection!
Wait until tomorrow, call her, and ASK HER OUT. Honeypie is right about the cinema being a possible not-so-good choice, especially if there isn't a good movie coming out. However, if it's part of an actual get-to-know-you date, it should be alright.
You've already had some inside "stubborn" jokes, do you know what she likes? Was there dancing at that bar? Did you talk about anything about what she's into? A *GOOD* date has to do with knowing a little bit about her and finding something to do along those lines. However, the old dinner standby works as well.
It's not impossible to find an actual relationship beginning from meeting at a bar. I have a cousin who's about to celebrate his 10th wedding anniversary to a woman he met at a bar.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (21 October 2014):
 oh man stay away. this girl is damaged as all hell. she IS that type of girl. Trust me. And shes going thru a 'man' phase that involves games. Your persistence may scare her off. Casual encounter on the first nite meeting? Shes not looking for anything serious and seems you are. Back away and stay out of the clubs man. Generally speaking in the usa you get some trashy women found there. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014): You said you're "probably" going to catch a movie...She's got nothing to commit to there. Stop texting. Dial her number and say "do you want to go on a date with me, at such and such place and I can pick you up at...." If you're interested just be upfront, there's no point being vague as she could just get bored, and think you're not interested.Get to know her over coffee, or dinner. Cinema can sometimes be a dreaded date for women, because it's a darkened place - you don't really get to talk, so don't get to know each other any better, and guys often try to grab a feel or a kiss...So if you like her, go out for lunch or coffee and have a chat, enjoy her company without any pressure. She obviously doesn't want to move too fast and so don't expect a fondling session you had previously, respect her boundaries and she's going to like you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014): OP here. Thanks for the advice. I see your point. I guess i was trying to play it off cool; and the fear of getting rejected came in so maybe that's why I was to vague.
So do I still call her for tonight? She's already said she is going to be busy all day. Or should I just forget about today and if I dont hear from her tonight, call to set something up another night?
I was in a relationship for about 2 years before this but honestly, I am a little rusty getting back into the swing of things.
Thank you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 October 2014):
So she texted you back? That I would say is a good sign, but YouWish is right you SHOULD have called her and ASKED he out. The whole "vague" I might do this I might do that, doesn't come off as a "I'm asking you out".
You asked vaguely, she replied vaguely.
And yes, it could easily be contrued as a halfass booty call.
Also if she SAYS I'm not that kind of girl, she WANTS you to back off a little, so she doesn't feel pressured to be "that girl".
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 October 2014):
It's not about you trying too hard. In fact, your approach is way too hands off. If you're looking to secure a first date after a great chance bar meeting, relying on texting is a very poor way to go about it. It actually conveys the message that you're just testing the waters.
CALL her and set up a date. And you don't say "I may be going out tomorrow - wanna come", you say "I'd love to see you again. How about Friday night at 8pm" or whenever you want. The texting of "I may be going out" sounds like one step away from a booty call.
I know you're trying to play it cool, but the texting and the "i'm going somewhere - you're okay to join me" makes it sounds like she's an afterthought. Well, she's turned the tables on you!
If you're serious, time to seriously ask her out.
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