A
female
age
36-40,
*hisper
writes:Hi, im almost 21 and i have been with my fiance who is 22 for nearly six years now. We are both very happy, and have just got a mortgage together, but their is one problem........IM BROODY!!! We both work and i have a really good job, but their are huge risks that i take every day that could stop me from having a baby (im a veterinary nurse)eg xrays, dangerous drugs, anaesthetics etc and this worries me. I also worry that my parents will be disappointed in me if i have a child. My fiance is ready when i am, but maybe i worry what other think to much? Am i too young? Could i cope? HELP! what are your views? Thanx for listening xx
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male
reader, lee6385 +, writes (19 August 2008):
Hey, just wanna say i'm the guy you wanted all this with, and do ya know what whispa? I truly did, i could have made you so happy. makes no sense that 1 year on from this post you go and leave me . i was your man and i wanted to have a family and look after and love you all, but hey, maybe it was a good job you never decided to make that final step. i miss you so bad, but i've also realised after 5 months, that i can live without you, and i'm just gonna have to make sumone else happy.goodbye whispa.xx all my love
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): if you and your boyfriend are happy and secure what more could a baby want?! im 24 iv been with my boy friend for 9 years we have our own home and are realy happy but my family think were to young for babys! only you know how much this means to you go for it its got nothing to do with other people anyway its your relationsip your body and your life live it how you want!! there are babys who are born to teenagers or drug addits that go one to grow up happy secure people so you and your boyfriend already have a head start!!.hope every thing go's well good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): No, but am i too young to be broody is a completely different question from, Could i cope? Am I ready? And a whole load of what if's. I felt broody at 13, but that wasn't what you really wanted to know, i think that you were really saying, my life isn't ready for a baby, and having a baby will change lots of stuff, but i still want one. My parents don't think i'm ready (and probably never will) (but actually, your parents will probably know how much a baby affects your life)and how when you have a baby, you can't care about your life, it has to be about theirs. Having a baby is like having your heart ripped out(with that amount of pain!) and shoved into a little crying, pooping, constantly spitting-up, really breakable, little thing, which demands stuff constantly. And i use thing, because those first few days, your tired, your labour was painful, you've got blood pouring out of you, your nipples resemple red pieces of smashed glass, and the last thing you want to hear is that piercing scream of a newborn. But wait, what's that you hear, a hunger cry? Maybe's he's wet? You get up, drag yourself out of bed, look over at your baby and for a sweet second you feel totally happy, the pain is gone and you are just falling into those beautiful eyes. And then that oh so cute mouth opens, and the love drains away. You pick your baby up, they're not wet, they don't want food, don't need burping, infact, you don't really think there's anything wrong at all. You put him back down, the chorus of screaming continues, you're hungry, your thirsty, it hurts to pee, in fact it hurts to do anything. You just want to curl up and sleep, but you know your baby needs you.
And that's just it, your baby will need you 24 hours a day, now someone tell me that a 13 year old who cares for their child has it easy, they did it for a house, they don't care. Someone tell me how this is a simple easy decision for a person to make, most people are never ready and those. This post rapidly became about how much i hate predjudice against young parents! But actually having a child at your age, you probably will meet some of that too. Can you cope? If a 13 year old can do it, it has absolutuly no bearing on if you can, but most do and you seem a decent responsible person, so i'm sure you'll pull through. Are you too young? Body wise, no. Your about to reach your peak in fertility. Mentally, you see to be mature. If i were you i would have a baby, in fact i kinda was you. And now i have a set of three. My kids are amazing, and i wouldn't change my life for the world, but when people say Am i ready? I tend to say, probably not. But nine months of having a baby inside you can go a long way. And by you've completed a year of having a child, you may have been ready for a newborn! I actually don't think that you are ready, but that's no reason not to, if you come off the pill and don't activily try (not ovulation calenders...) then you might feel that the baby was meant to be?
I don't see the point of getting married before, wouldn't you rather your child walked down the eisle with you (carrying rings or maybe some flowers). And actually nothing against you but lots of people i know reevaluate their relationships a few months after a baby is born. You may decide that you guys are perfectly happy as you are and why waste the money now, when i a couple of years you will have more to spare. Or you may decide that a child has come between you, the lack of sex, you being devoted to the child, him busy at work. It might not work out, i'm not saying it will happen, but i have seen it happen to perfectly happy people, and personally i don't see the point of marriage, it's just a ceremony to say i love you and want to be together forever. But forever's a long time! I'm married (sadly), and i love my husband more than most things (not my kids!). But i don't want to think that when i'm 90 years old, i will be in the same relationshippy place as i am now. Wow, now it seems to be all about me!!
Good luck, and i hope that you do have a child, because it sounds like you have a lot to give.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 April 2007):
 Hi Hun!
I had my first child at 26 and my second at 30. I'm a very young and active 51 now and both kids are out on their own. I travel with my husband on business and we are having a great time! A lot of our neighbours are our age and still have elementary school children at home. Most of the Dads sigh wistfully and say, I wish I'd had them when I was younger (one has 4 boys under 7 years old!). Although it doesn't necessarily work out for everybody to be able to have a family at a young age, only YOU know if you and your partner are ready. One of our family members just had her first baby at 37. Like cd206 said, if you are really ready, you won't care what your Mom thinks.
Hope you have a great Easter Weekend!
Birdynumnums
XXX
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (7 April 2007):
 There's no rush! You have twenty years of childbearing in you AT LEAST! If your mum is affecting your decision now then wait just a bit longer. Eventually you'll get to a stage where you don't care what your mum thinks and then you'll be ready. Trust me, its better to be in that position before you have kids anyway!
CD
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A
female
reader, Whisper +, writes (7 April 2007):
Whisper is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello again :)
just a follow up message and a big thankyou to all who commented on my situation. Well, as for the update, the broodyness is driving me absolutely insane! I just dont know what to do to try and stop how i feel. Everything seems so right for me and my fiance to have a baby together, we have a house of our own, we both work, have been together 6 years or so. But i just cant bring myself to stop taking the pill. I feel as if my parents would go ape (even though they are proud of us getting a mortgage in our 20's) they know im very old headed and mature for my age, but why cant they just say 'yes you would make fantastic parents!' instead we get 'ohh your way to young, kids ruin your life!'. huummm and thats why 90% of the population have children, because they ruin your life. i just dont no what to think, my bodys telling me im ready, my mums telling me im not :( help how can i stop the feelings ..... :)
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (4 March 2007):
Don't let your parents get you down petal! They're just pushing the point home and quite likely theyre right in that you don't know quite how much hard work babies are but that's not to say you won't be able to cope. You said it yourself. You have a secure relationship, a good job, a place to live etc. Just cool it a bit when talking to them. When they say it's too much work say yes, but I'm prepared for it.
CD
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A
female
reader, Whisper +, writes (4 March 2007):
Whisper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, now this is getting out of hand! I found all of your comments really, helpful....but everytime i mention wanting a baby to my parents (which as im so happy, is quite often) they jump down my throat and warn me how much hard work babies are like i dont realise!!! im 21 for god sake, there are children having babies these days im talking 13 years old!!! I just feel so awkward, if a girl cant talk to her mum about babies, who else has she got? I just want them to be happy, i have a great job, started my career and now have a house with my fiance, what is so bad about that?! im just so confused, fed up of trying to please others but thats the way i am........if babies were so bad, why has 90% of the population got children? xxx
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A
female
reader, Whisper +, writes (2 March 2007):
Whisper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to say thank you for all of your opinions, they have made me realise that i am only human, and its not wrong to have a baby at all. I really do want to get married before having ababy thogh, but it costs so bloody much! But i guess thats what dads are for ay?! My fiance and i talk alot, but he thinks i plan things to much and that i am too organised, it'll happen when it happens is his motto, but its a big thing an i need to make sure we are both ready. I just feel so happy and secure with him, it feels right now, but no harm in marrying first i guess.....ill start saving......Thank you again to all of you, much appreciated xx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (1 March 2007):
Hi,
It sounds to me like you and your partner are extremely mature for your age. You have considered many of the important issues already. The final decision to go ahead a start your family is always going to be a scary leap of faith, but you seem to be planning for all the eventualities, good for you! Most employers will have some guidelines for working around any dangers so be sure to let them know when you get pregnant. You can discuss maternity leave and compensation as well (some of the biggest issues are financial, like your mortgage). I don't think that your parents will be disappointed, they will be concerned for your health and finances of course and they will have an opinion about your age. It can't be too big a shock - they are expecting you to have children - after all - you are getting married! I'm sure when all is said and done they will be thrilled to be expecting grandparents! Perhaps they would be happier if you and your fiance tied the knot first - maybe that is their concern. The best analogy I can offer about children is that they are 90% hard work and 10% of the purest joy your heart has EVER known - just be prepared for the hard work part. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Debs85 +, writes (1 March 2007):
you seem very mature and emotionally and financially stable which is a good basis for bringing a bay into the world. for information about precautions to take whilst pregnant at work apprantly www.vetnurse.co.uk has forums about pregnancy and things like i got it from my friend who is a vet nurse and is pregnant it all she bangs on about. when considering what other people think i think that you are worrying too much at the end of the day its your life and you are mature enough to know whether or not this decision is good for you and your partner.
i wish you all the best xxx
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A
female
reader, Snow White Queen +, writes (1 March 2007):
 I think you should sit down with your partner and talk about how you are feeling. I understand totally, cos when we feel we want a baby, it can become totally thought encompassing.
We tend to imagine ourselves with our new baby, walking down the road feeling proud as punch and feeling unconditional love for this little bundle who will love us unconditionally too.
However, the reality is definitely different to the dream! Sleepless nights, smelly nappies, a screaming bundle who won't shut up because they have wind etc etc
I don't think you should worry too much about what your parents would say to the prospect of becoming Grandparents, and your employers are legally bound to protect their employees who are pregnant. But i do think you should not only think carefully about having a baby, but you must talk to your partner about you you feel. You have plenty of time ahead of you to plan for a baby and to get some money behind you both (they're very expensive are babies!) So please, please talk to him. Better to plan for a baby both of you will look forward to in 2 years time for example than to be left, on your own, literally holding the baby because you were unable to tell your partner.
Take care Hun
SWQ x
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A
male
reader, R71 +, writes (1 March 2007):
Of course you're not too young to be broody and thinking of childbirth. Of course, being physically capable of having a baby and wanting a baby are two different things.
Don't be fooled into thinking that having children kills your career and your life. Many of the female colleagues I work with are married with children. It's true that having a child wont necessarily make life easier for you, but with good management on your part, it certainly wont hold you back either.
In the end it's your body and your life. It's your choice and not your friends, family or parents.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 March 2007):
My first question would be have you spoken to your partner about the way you feel? I don't think you're too young to be broody at all but guys tend to be ready a little later than us ladies. If you both want to have a baby now maybe talk to your boss. Ask what your options would be if you did become pregnant. Could you work reception for a few months or similar? There are always options and I don't think you're silly for wanting a baby now but I would advise you to think through all the financial and family issues first! Good luck!
CD
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (1 March 2007):
 If YOU and your partner are ready to have a baby then this should be the main things to take into consideration, although I would ask this....why not get married first? I didn't, i am not judging you, but wouldn't it be nicer to have a wedding and then have a baby....in the 'so called' right order? Wish i had, but then I could just be imposing my what ifs on you!! So feel free to ignore that.
The concerns you have with your job will or should be taken into consideration by your employers. There should be no reason for you to be at risk if the correct Health and safety checks are carried out in work. It is illegal for your employers to put you or your unborn child at any risk. Most employers know this and act according, morally and finacially it is to great a risk.
As for your parents, when they see how happy you are when you are having your baby then they probably will feel the same way. Afetr all this will be their grandchild and something that most grandparents look forward to.
Having a baby is a time of joy, if you can sort these worries out then i would say that you are old enough emotionally and mentally to achieve your hearts desires. so go for it.
xx
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A
female
reader, hails +, writes (1 March 2007):
 i dont think yor to young an im sure you could cope, people r avin children when there still children in ourdays so i dont think your too young an i think you will cope very well. At the end of the day it comes down to u an ur partner an what you both want
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