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Am I too young for the girl I think I love

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 May 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 May 2015)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Basically I'm a teenage lad, and I don't want people to just brush this off because I'm so young. I've recently broken up with my girlfriend of 2 years, because I cheated, for the SECOND time. We first started dating and everything was fine, about 9 months into the relationship I got major drunk and cheated. (Not blaming it on the alcohol). Anyway, she found out, we broke up and I did everything to get her back, things got back to normal and everything was good! Another 6 months after this, I got in a similar situation and this happened again. On both occasions I didn't have sex but things happened that shouldn't have. Since I cheated the relationship went downhill, we argued constantly and never seemed to get anywhere. We came to a decision that we should break up, she still didn't know about the second time I cheated so I thought it'd be best to keep it quiet. One way or another the secret got out and within days she knew, she told me she wanted me dead and so on, I don't blame her... It's only been a few days since the phone call but I've never felt so low in my life. All I want right now is to put everything in to get her back, I think that if I put all my effort in and cut out all the going out and so on, I could eventually get her back. But then I'm left with the question of what if I hurt her again. No girl has ever loved me like her and I've never loved a girl like her. I feel like she is the one for me, but I am just way too young and in experienced to settle down for good with her. I miss her like mad and I feel like I owe it to her to make her happy because I know that no other boy will be able to make her smile the way I did. I see so much potential for us but don't know wether I should just let her move on. Anyone had an experience like this? I know I'm in the wrong and I haven't said all this to just get a load of hate. I love her so much but don't know if i should risk hurting her again. I always think, I wish I could've met her in 5-10 years time when I'm more mature, but I don't want to risk losing her in that time

View related questions: broke up, drunk, move on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2015):

What a load of rubbish. You've behaved terribly towards someone you supposedly 'love'. You want to win her back because of your own selfish needs and before you've even finished writing your post, you're discussing the possibility of you behaving like a jerk again!!

Leave the poor girl alone and get on with growing up before you impose yourself on anyone else.

I don't understand why everyone else is being so kind to you. I just hear an arrogant butt wad who thinks 'no-one else can make her smile like I do'. I think maybe change that to 'no-one else can make her sick and upset and distrustful of males in the future like I did'.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2015):

There's a lot more involved in settling down than you first think when all of the "love hormones" go rushing through your body, but you need to give it time before actually considering it and think about it as several years off, not any time soon - since your wants and desires will most likely change a lot by then anyway, as would anyone you're in a relationship with.

People grow apart or things happen that betray trust and it's a lot to expect an adult to deal with, let alone a teenager.

Be single, don't get drunk, focus on being young (not the same as drinking, partying, sleeping around, etc.) and think about adult life commitments when you're old enough, and at the right stage of life, to make them.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (9 May 2015):

janniepeg agony auntYou love her in your own way, but you love living "the life" more. You can't have it both ways. You said you could get her back by stopping the going out, then you can't guarantee if you could quit permanently for the relationship's sake. Never use absolute statements like you will never meet anyone like her, or no one else would make her smile like you do. You can stop partying and unhealthy habits for yourself, not anyone. The decision has to come from within, and genuine.

In 5-10 year's time I don't know if you would cut down on drinking, so it might not just be an age issue. Alcoholism is a serious problem too. Even if you are just drinking indoors your partner would not like it. Best to not drink at all if you are serious about your relationship. I really don't see how being drunk, having to pee all the time, black outs, massive hangover, headaches and fatty liver as fun.

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A female reader, MSA United States +, writes (8 May 2015):

MSA agony auntI know someone who was in the exact same situation as you when he was your age. He cheated time and time again on the nicest, sweetest, smartest girl who loved him so so much. He said he will never forget how much he hurt her. He was too young... made a mistake he will regret for the rest of his life. The girl forgave him, and they tried to make it work.. but unfortunately the relationship ended.

He knows she's still in town and knows how to find her. Same with her. But they never contacted each other again.

It is sad... but this is part of life.

Who knows what the future holds.. it's a small world. Maybe you will run into her again 5-10 years down the road when you both have matured and ready for a serious relationship.

For now, take some time out to focus on yourself and before you invite another girl to be your girlfriend, make sure you have overcome this 'fidelity' issue.

Good Luck! Everything will be fine..

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (8 May 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntOverlooking your dreadful record as to "fidelity".... I think you've shown a modicum of maturity in this: "I feel like she is the one for me, but I am just way too young and in experienced to settle down for good with her."

Yes... you ARE "too young"..... and you (and she) will grow, and mature, and have ooodles of "life experiences".... either, or both, together and/or apart. Take them (those experiences)...enjoy them, learn from them.... Meet and spend time with whoever your (and her) friends are, at the time...

I bet that you are certain that you will never see this girl again, if you let her get away, now. NOT!!!! She knows who you are... where you are.... and what you're up to. She, clearly, likes you....

RELAX.... live your teenage and young adult years.... without superimposing some sort of immediacy upon yourself for making life-long choices now.....

Good luck. Please report back in 5 years....

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