A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got out of a 1 year relationship recently where the guy didn't treat me right towards the end. Now i met this wonderful man who is the complete opposite of my ex, very affectionate, sweet, caring, he is mature and really really likes me. He even wants us to plan a trip together soon. He is everything that i want in a man. My problem is that he doesn't have the looks. For me at least he is not considered an attractive man. I do feel attracted to him physically, we kissed a lot and he turns me on. But he just isn't your typical good looking man. And i find some minor things he does that are annoying to me, maybe in an effort to pull myself away. Like he will touch his face a lot, or he is too skinny for me, or his choice of shoes. Immature things in my opinion. But they bother me. I feel like i ahould give him a chance since we only have been dating for a few weeks but i don't want to lead him on or waste both of our time. Am i too shallow and should i give him a chance? He does make me happy thinking of the nice things he does and will do for me, for us. Help please!
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 June 2018):
 I agree with Code Warrior,
You ARE being shallow and well, THAT is OK. You like what you like. Your fashion sense is YOURS.
Is he a bit of a rebound and thus you don't quite feel like you want to "invest" too much in him (subconsciously)?
Definitely DO NOT go on holiday with him. It's WAY too soon. I know it's a BIG "British" couples-thing to do but it should be with an ESTABLISHED partner.
I think you are nitpicking him because something tells you that as nice as he is, HE isn't what you are looking for. That he has SOME good qualities only shows that you CAN find a guy who is a decent man. But what you want is more of a "total package" both decent AND attractive.
I think it would be unfair to string him along, if these things nag you.
That he is "too skinny" is not something that is likely to change.
That he touches your face too much, well that can be changed but that is also telling him to NOT touch you in a way HE find loving.
The shoes part.. shoot. It shouldn't even be an issue IMHO. UNLESS he wears white socks in sandals.. total no-no! (just kidding) Again, you like what you like.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2018): Female anon is right on the ball with her reply. I met my boyfriend last year (been together a year) and he had been single a few years and had lost his mojo so to speak.There was however something about him and although he didn't particularly take care of himself in the fashion stakes, he didn't have a great haircut and i admit was a tad overweight i still liked him and gave him a chance. We went to the pub a few months into going out and a woman he knew from years ago came over and said how amazing he looked and she couldn't get over how well he looked and said he looked great. And you know what he did (as did i, its called love). He had a glow, he smiles more, he is more confident, he wears bright colors now and not just Black and yes he has lost weight. It isn't all about looks of course, hence why i liked him as a person, he changed because HE wanted to, not because i tried to do so. You are dating, if you like him give him a chance, if you feel a bit further down the line he isn't right for you well that is how it goes. Remember thought everyone has their little quirks, i bet any money without knowing you do little things that he has noticed you do a lot!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2018): Its early days really and you are not obligated to do anything.Have you heard how an unattached male is like a scruffy penny: a bit worn and not much use to anyone.If you pay attention to this unattached man he will start to glow just like a shiny penny.Thats when all the world wants your penny.So poor taste in shoes is a wonderful thing.But be warned!By the time you style him out and walk by his side every unattached woman it seems wants to check him out.This is where loyalty and basic ground rules count so keep talking to him and see if you are on the same page with these expectations.If you are, then the sky is your limit.Who knows how far you could go together?Only time will tell.Charismatic and charming men usually have many women in hot pursuit.The guy on his own may look a bit dead beat at first but the change that comes about when a woman genuinely cares about him is remarkable.Have you ever heard the expression:Nothing looks sexier than a man with a woman on his arm!Similarly some men believe that dogs come sniffing as soon as they are serious about a woman!
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