A
female
age
18-21,
stephytee87
writes:My boyfriend of 2 and a half years split up with me last week.We were due to move in together, his idea, and all of a sudden he sprung it on me. I am devestated.I wouldn't leave him alone the whole week. I called and went to see him. Tonight, i begged him to try again and he says he isn't ready. He doesn't want a relationship, any relationship, because he needs to be on his own just now to figure out what e wants from life and which direction he wants to take. He wants to start eating healthily and going to the gym, basically taking charge of his life.He has my name tattooed on his chest, after 7 months! He used to be 100% into me, and his change of heart has baffled me completely.He's moving into the flat himself next weekend, and says this will give him the time and space he needs to figure things out. He works long hours and has a sleep disorder which means he needs a lot of sleep. He works sometimes till 3 or 4am in the morning and sleeps the rest of the day. He never had any time to himself, i totally understand that. He says when he's settled in his flat, we can have a night in together and see what happens from there. I love him desperately and know we are right for each other.What should I do? Am I stupid to keep hoping?xsorry its long!x
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 He knows his own destiny and is aiming for it but sadly you are not included .
He has taken off and left you behind.
You can only look dejected and forlorn and if he does not return for you , you should let him go.
Do not hang on to any hopes for it is like the dews on the grass in the early mornings.
A
female
reader, Dr Hearme +, writes (18 February 2008):
Hello,You have been given some really great advice so far, and what i will say to you will be similar. I'm sorry to hear that you have broken up with someone you love. He knows how you feel now, so i don't think you should contact him again for a while, and certainly never BEG him again. It's OK to feel sad and long for him, but you can't change his mind or influence how he feels. Use this time to focus on you, distract yourself,spend time with friends etc. It does get easier as each day passes. As the saying goes, 'let him go, should he come back to you, then you were truly meant to be'.Be good to yourself now, pamper yourself you deserve it. Don't try and think about whats going on in your ex-partners head. You have to be a bit selfish too now. It's painful yes, but everything in life happens for a reason, the reason for this will become clear in due course.Try not to contact him... it's hard but you must take back control of your life now and the situation. Be strong.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AskEve + ♥, writes (18 February 2008):
 You said he works long hours and has a sleep disorder. Does he work from home? If he works till 3 or 4 in the morning then yes, he's going to sleep most of the next day and if he makes his living working from home then he won't have much time to give to you when his work is there to be done. I don't think it IS a sleep disorder, it's just bad sleeping habits. If he went to bed at a decent time then he'd have more time to do his work during the day and also have some quality time to be with you too. I think he's just feeling drained and his body clock is totally out of sync. (I know exactly what he means, been there, done it...). He'll feel sluggish and lethargic all the time, find it hard to concentrate on any work let alone what he wants from life so give him his space to get his life back in order.
What you need to do is respect his decision even although it hurts like hell. Give him his space like he's asked, no more phone calls, no more going round to his house. Give him all the space he needs for now and YOU concentrate on keeping busy. You'll feel as if you've lost a limb, 2 and a half years is a long time to be with someone almost every day. You've lost a friend as well as a lover and that's never easy so yes, it will be difficult (but not impossible) for you.
Concentrate on yourself for now and continue with your work/studies. Take time out for yourself too, pamper yourself, take some well earned early nights and throw yourself into a hobby or some reading and this will take your mind off him. By not contacting him you're taking some of the pressure off him AND making him MISS YOU... If he really does have feelings for you then he'll miss you too and it won't be long before he contacts you again.
What I would stress is that you DON'T jump into bed with him too soon (if he calls), especially if he asks you for that "night in together", use it to talk but keep things light. Let him see why he's missed you and try to keep assertive and in control.
Don't let this get you down, just keep thinking positive thoughts about what YOU want to do with your life and things will work out the way they're meant to... you'll see. ;o)
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, Nataliejamez +, writes (18 February 2008):
 2 and a half years, that is a long time for anyone, and it must be devistating, however although it may not seem so now, maybe there could be light at the end of the tunnel.When your with someone for such a long time , you get into a routine and one way or another , your boy/girl friend are always in this routine, Although you probebly love this person and your missing them lots, maybe this routine has alot to do with it. Get in touch with old friend, get a hobby concentrate on your own life. make you the first person to think about. His decision of wanting some time alone doesnt mean it's over forever, he's a man , so he's probebly saying exacly what he want's, some time alone, and there is nothink wrong with that, and nothink you can do about it , but i bolieve the worst thing you can do is pester him by calling , texting or what ever , if you leave him be, He will see what his life would be without you , and chances are he's not going to like it, And you will get to show him that you are good with or without him, The last thing you want to do is seem to needy and clingy. i dont know i just have a feeling all this problem need's is time xGood luck xxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (17 February 2008):
 By the way, you're not stupid. You're just human.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew + ♥, writes (17 February 2008):
I'm sorry to hear you're devastated. I know how you must be feeling.
In your circumstances, I guess you need clear and direct opinions. So I may be wrong, but at least I will be clear.
I wonder what he needs to think about. He's been your boyfriend for two years and a half. I'm inclined to believe that all that time should be more than enough for him, or any person for that matter, to know whether you the relationship is what he needs or wants. I don't think he broke up just out of the blue. He must have been having second thoughts about the relationship for long. Or maybe it's just that he chickened out. Whatever the reason, I don't believe he needs any time to know what he really wants. I believe this is just a sugar-coated lie.
Quote: "he says when he's settled in his flat, we can have a night in together and see what happens from there". He's totally ambiguous here. There's not any reference to when he will think he will have you there "for a night together", or what will happen later. For a broken hearted person, this is living hell. That means you will cling to hope but will never know when your pain will end. I don't think this is fair to you.
Sometimes small details say a lot. He says he's willing for "a night together". Yeah, like anyone would have really had a very hard time figuring out that he would be willing to some sex. I don't like, either, the fact that he sort of takes you for granted: he's assuming you'll be willing whenever he wants, no matter when that can be.
I think he is breaking up with you for good. But, if I were wrong, then we would need to conclude that he's also assuming you will be waiting for him, and that he can ask you to come, or then to go, whenever he wants. This is not what I would call a good relationship. I understand that people have things to do, but this isn't right.
It's likely that he was scared about the step he was taking. But he's being very mean to you.
What I hate about this situation is that your happiness depends on what he does. He needs to figure out what he will do, as if he hadn't had the time for that, and then he will decide what to do. You, in the meantime, are supposed to wait. Don't let him do this to you, and don't do this to yourself. Never, ever put yourself in a position where your own happiness will depend on what someone else could do, if he were willing. Life is never just as we expect it to be, so our happiness can't possibly depend on somebody else's actions (I wanted to write "whims"). You need to be happy no matter what. You need to call your own shots. I believe that this attitude is what lets you overcome break ups and hearbreaks.
And then, poster, NEVER beg. When you beg, you give the other person full control over your happiness. You put yourself in a position where you can be abused. NEVER do it.
My opinion is that you should chin up and walk. Forget about this man. I know what you mean when you say you know "you're right for each other". We have all felt that way, I guess. However, I would think twice, dear poster. I don't think that a man who does all this is exactly right for you. He's not exactly reliable: when you were most happy, he dropped the bomb. He can take your begging as carte blanche to do whatever he wants. And, if he gets away with breaking up out of the blue, he WILL do it again. You don't deserve this. If someone is with you, you need to know s/he's with you; if they ask for breaks, space, whatever, they can go, forever.
Being heartbroken is like being sick. I think that even food loses its taste. Don't do that to you, either. Forget about him and see this as a new opportunity. You will find someone who won't chicken out.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Hi Hun, I am so sorry things have turned out this way. That was very cruel of him to raise your hopes up like this and then dump you. Men can be so complicating, things are never staight forward with them.
I think you should give him space like he said to sort out his head of what he wants. Do not contact him begging to change his mind at all, give him the cold turkey treatment to see what he is missing otherwise the more you persuade him to change his mind the more you are going to drive him away. I know its gonna be hard my love, but you must be strong. As for him getting a tattoo with your name is complete madness, still its him that has to live with that disfigurement, more fool him I say.
Breaking up with guys is hard,but you must try and get on with your life. I know its hard hun, but that's life. And also don't wait round for him in hoping he will change his mind, let him figure out himself what a nice young lady he has lost. Hopefully he may come to his senses, but I would not hold your breath. I am a great believer that these things happen for the best and the reason why I say that you may in the future will meet up with the man of your dreams and this guy will become a distant memory.
So hold your head up high and take care. Ok? Dusky xxx.
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