A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a little complicated so I'll give a bit of background information before I get into the problem. Since the time when I was 18 I've had about about 4 relationships lasting anywhere from 1 month to 1 year. Three out of those 4 ended after I started to get bored. (for lack of a better word.) I'm not a bad person, and I understand that makes me sound horrible, but they were all girls that I was really attached to, and gradually over time I started looking forward to the time I could spend alone. I would often just dismiss the feelings, stay with the girl and it would usually end really messy. I chalked this up to just not having enough in common, I assumed that maybe I was trying to be too nice and always do what my ex's wanted and never really got a chance to enjoy the things I like with someone.Recently (about three weeks ago) I started seeing this other girl with whom I have very much in common. We both enjoy going out and doing the same things, so I was very enthousiastic about spending time with her. I think I've started losing feelings for her, and I have even caught myself starting to look forward to being able to spend time without her again. She is a really nice girl and I can't understand why I feel this way. I fear I may just be stuck in a loop of wanting what I can't have.I don't know if I should just continue on and see where this goes, with the risk of hurting her more later down the road. Or I should heed the warning signs of past relationships and end it now before we get too serious?Will I ever be able to have a relationship and not have this happen? Whats wrong with me?
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female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 i think its far of getting close and when you are close it gets boring for u coz ur not hiding anymore secerts and u don't have all the other times to get to no eachother. i think u could go see a counsellor and have u thought bout tellin ur girlfriend about this she might be really understanding about all this, so than after talking to her about it u can both come to an agreement for what is best so really u are not repeating a pattern anymore and its good that u have notice this before it gets worse i hope u sort yourself out good luck xxx
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 Maybe you just need to be a friend first and a boyfriend second. . . if you know what I mean. It sounds like you drop everything in your own life, to make accommodations for your relationships. It also appears that you get too close too fast. . . before you really get to know the other person. Relax and give allow yourself some time to get to know someone, without getting overwhelmed and over committed.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, sparky2107 +, writes (11 June 2007):
There's definately a pattern here and it has nothing to do with who you're with, it sounds like it's happening at a subconscious level, my advice would be to pay the money and see a counsellor that specialises in the sex/relationship sphere, if you want to get rid of it, advice will only get you so far, you need to do some 'work' on this, go for it and good luck
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