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Am I settling? I'm 24 years old. Is it asking too much, to want more than this?

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 December 2016) 7 Answers - (Newest, 21 December 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, *ondon Bridges writes:

I've been cooped up in the house for months on end and he doesn't bat an eye about it.

He never takes me out or does anything with me besides eat sleep and watch movies.

That's it that's all we ever do literally.

I mean everyone works so why should that be an excuse to bum around the house when your not working. It's like the same. thing. every. day. with him.

It's so obvious I feel like I shouldn't have to bring it up I mean we clearly NEVER do anything and he's fine with that. and I'm introverted and like staying home, but I cant do it all the time. Basically our day to day life is about as exciting as a piece of toast.

The only outings I go on are by myself while he is at home sleep. I'll usually just get pretty fed up and leave out to find something to do on my own or I'll have to be the one to suggest we go somewhere and I have lots of ideas but I don't like that he can't even come up with one thing for us to do as a couple. If you count grocery shopping as an outing this as creative as it gets with this guy. He behaves like a robot, and doesn't initiate any fun or adventures on his own.

I confronted him about it he said no one ever took him anywhere when he was a child and that there is no where to go and nothing to do where we live!? I suggested a simple walk would be a start. He said its too cold out and that he walks a lot at work. Then he even lied and said he does offer but I never accept?!

In the past 3 months he has never offered to take me anywhere. So he says in the middle of talking okay come on come on let's go then. Get up. I blew him off quickly I don't need a pity party date or want to make forced interactions with him . Since it ddnt feel genuinely offered I refused. And he says we'll **** it then and walks off!? He comes back immediately and apologizes but he has already screwed up in my book. I ask him where he was going to take me? Get ready for it. Whole foods. I'm through with him at this point and just want him out of my face.

Another thing we don't communicate much either like our convos are never deep or extensive I've never sat and talked with him for hours on end, we only talk about superficial stuff, and the conversations never get any deeper.

The convo is usually dry and it's pretty dull and hum drum for a couple who's only in their mid 20's. I feel like if two ppl click then the convo should come naturally. Right? There is ear splitting silence and crickets during every waking hour when I'm with this guy.

His favorite topic of choice is the Illuminati or what we're going to eat next.

I've never had this problem before in a relationship and I don't understand what is going on. He is just too dam quiet and reserved Yes he is a decent guy, but very boring. I feel like I'm settling. Any advice? We've been together 10 months.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (21 December 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly if you feel you are bored then I think it is time you consider ending things as it sounds like you are both not compatible.

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A female reader, London Bridges United States +, writes (21 December 2016):

London Bridges is verified as being by the original poster of the question

London Bridges agony auntThank you all for each of your thoughtful answers and input. I suppose he is content and settled into his ways and in a way I fear this could hold an adventurous free-spirit like myself back in the long run I have awesome friends but I've known them and spent time with them for years why would I ask them to "take me out" if I have a SO who ID rather spend a little more time with. Like I said I've never had this issue in past relationships with getting a guy to want to go out. Also I've never been this bored in a relationship in my life. At 10mos I though things would still be exciting but life with him is very dull.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 December 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou say the only time you go out is alone? Why not go out with friends, socialize , be adventurous and then tell him all about it when you get home?!

Sweetie it looks to me like this is who he is. He likes his home comforts and doesn't seem to want to leave them. Does he suffer from anxiety or depression? Was he diagnosed with anything when he was younger?

Some people work hard and then they just want to spend there free time chilling.

You need to ask yourself are you okay with that, because after ten months it is not going to change now.

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A female reader, k4ren United Kingdom +, writes (12 December 2016):

It doesn't sound to me as if you are with a person who makes you happy. We are only on this planet to reproduce and be happy.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 December 2016):

Honeypie agony auntDo you have any friends? Or do you rely solely on him for entertainment and adventure?

Because THIS is who he is. I get that you WANT him to do things with you (not a crazy request) but he doesn't seem to grasp the concept of wanting out of the house, to see things and do things. I don't think his excuse (never went anywhere as a kid) is valid. Honestly, people who have never been anywhere I'd presume would WANT to see it all.

It's been 10 months and you feel like you are settling, then I think it's time to get out.

Maybe you two just aren't that great of a fit long term. Good guy or not.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (11 December 2016):

N91 agony auntIf you're settling then dump him. Get out there and find someone who fulfills your needs, life is too short to not be happy with your partner.

If you've confronted him and he's still no changed, what else can you do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2016):

Okay, so the lack of adventure is an issue for you and it sounds like he is unable to rectify the situation... some men (and women) are simply not the adventurous type!

Ask yourself what you do like about this guy, is this enough to stick with him? Are you able to take on the role of adventure planner?

10 months should still be the exciting honeymoon period, if you can't make changes for the better now my advice would be to end the relationship... life is too short for settling in an unhappy situation.

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