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Am I selfish for not wanting to settle down just yet?

Tagged as: Age differences, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 October 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 October 2009)
A male Philippines age 30-35, *im writes:

hi to all. been a long time since i last checked my dearcupid.

i just want your honest opinions and/or comments.

im in a gay relationship right now. he's 43 and im 19. we are going for 1 year in december. yes, i am happy with him. we are exclusive, well he wants it that way just what a relationship should.

however, im in the time of my life where i want to 'explore' things and he's in the time of his life where he's already settling down. he's the perfect guy i'd like to get married to. problem is, im not ready to get married and to settle down. i wanna go out and experience a lot of things.

am i selfish to think this and how do u think i should go about it?

any comment will be accepted. thanks guys.

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A female reader, HereAreMyTwoCents United States +, writes (14 October 2009):

HereAreMyTwoCents agony aunt"he's the perfect guy i'd like to get married to"

Look, I don't think you're selfish at all to do whatever you want to do, and I agree with the other answers that it's not selfish AS LONG AS you don't keep stringing him along, or alternatively, stay with him but cheat on him.... BUT.... notice what you said about him "he's the perfect guy I'd like to get married to" So you have to ask yourself, is all the exploration in the world worth losing that? It's not easy to find a love like that all the time. If he's someone you would commit to for a lifetime, then isn't he worth giving up whatever else is out there? I don't want to give you the "life is not all about sex" speech, but before you tell this man goodbye, you need to think really hard about whether you want to lose something this good. Personally, and this is just me, I would never want to lose a perfect bond with someone who is "perfect" and "marriage" worthy, because of exploration. I'd be throwing away the deal of a lifetime, I think, to choose to experience the one over what I already have which is wonderful. And when I say that, this does NOT mean going behind his back. You would be killing your bond that way incredibly. So good luck to you, but that's my two cents. But in the end, only you know what your own soul wants to do with your own life. Again this is just how I personally would approach your dilemma, but I hope I helped at least a little bit.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009):

no. Be honest. You are at different stages of your life...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009):

Well i'm a girl and im not gay, but i wanna help you:) 49, although he wouldnt appreciate me saying this but 49 is old... And You are 19! You said it yourself he has lived, and you are just beginning... Dont cheat yourself out of your youth... i understand if he makes you happy, but do you honestly believe for one moment there is only one person in this world that will make you happy? Dont be blinded just because you are in a relationship. Keep your eyes peeled and dont forget to be a teen and have some fun! :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009):

Hi

I agree totally. No you are not selfish, and honestly, you are indeed too young to settle down. SO, I think you should be honest with your man, and well, you have to be emotionally prepared to let him go if he can't wait for you any longer.

You see, in life things do have a price sometimes. But, then life takes care of everything, so really, I hope that things turn out the way you want them to.

Best of Luck

Love :)

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A female reader, Good Girl United States +, writes (14 October 2009):

Good Girl agony auntI don't think you are selfish as long as you do your best to be honest with your man and are considerate of his feelings no matter what you decide to do. It is natural for you to feel this way at your age and he must understand that. He did wait until this point in his own life to settle down, didn't he? Trust your instincts and try to remain friends if you do break it off. Maybe there is a future for you two..in the future. Good luck!

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