A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a situation where I love a man but he's taken on such a huge project and completely dismantled his house. We are talking a derelict shell. He may make 30k on a 3 year full blown project as its an old small terraced house in a bad area and mortgaged. He lives in it too and it's 40 miles from me. I have my own place and business and no child at home. I was a young mum and struggled to get my son to Uni. These should be my good years.Over the last 18 months I have tried to be accommodating and think of the long term picture but its too difficult. I have now found out his profits are 12k from his eBay business too so he's just getting by. He can't afford help.For over a year he's visited twice a week. Its hard seeing him exhausted and running himself into the ground. The intimacy is strained. I'm resentful but he thinks we can get through this if I am patient.He enjoys the work and there's no way out now it needs finishing.I feel neglected and selfish for not supporting him more but it just seems relentless. Theres no holidays or day trips just this house to finish.The house has taken over his life. He can do the work but its very very slow.I feel stuck and am finding myself very lonely in this relationship. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2015): You already feel you are "sacrificing" too much of yourself and your happiness for this man.I was told once by a friend (when I described a similar situation,no house, but basically his priorities were different and let's say I was not a priority), so anyways my friend told me quite straightforwardly:"If you really, really loved him, you wouldn't have felt that you were "sacrificing" things for him. You'd have just felt that whatever it is, is worth it in the name of love."Wise counsel. Whatever you think it is that is bugging you, in your own eyes (and words), it is no longer "worth it" to you.So end it. Otherwise you'll always regret it and IF things don't work out you'll be lamenting"Oh,I sacrificed so much,but yet..." I think people become resentful of their partner when they feel like they are "sacrificing too much". Not a healthy dynamic.
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