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Am I right to feel a bit disappointed with him??

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 28 November 2016)
A male age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi..Over the last 3 months I got to know a guy online with whom - after meeting twice in person - I have been on an LDR ever since. We come from the same country. It seems that we're into each other - at least considering the intensity of our "whatsapp relationship", for the time being.

Today, while exchanging some messages, he told me he had taken the day off, as he was feeling low and was on anti-depression pills. Jokingly, I told him I could raise his morale with him translating 2-3 pages for me (I have been translating a long material). He agreed and said that he would send it translated to me in the evening or next morning. It was noon (local time) when I sent him the material...(First he said "I can't open it in Word format", "make it PDF".I did that.) When I asked him by 6 pm if he had started the translation,he replied that he was at the volleyball (He is a quite a pro in this sport). Then at 7:30 pm he says he won't be able to do it, as he's meeting the doctor tomorrow morning, and other job-related things to do...I remarked that it didn't really matter, and him then thanking me for the understanding...

Well, am I right to feel a bit disappointed? Or should I be really understanding, and that I shouldn't have asked for his help at all?


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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (28 November 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntI agree that he may have also took it as a joke, and then when it was to late found out you where being serious, realized he did not have the time and told you. It could also be that the mind frame he is in at the moment might not allow him to want to help you. Maybe he needed your help though.

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A female reader, Dustmop Australia +, writes (26 November 2016):

I noticed at first it was a joke and I think maybe he thought you were joking too. Obligation is sometimes a heavy burden especially in the state of mind he is in. I've always went with if I put expectations on people I have to be prepared to let myself down too. (I put the expectations there myself, so it is I who let myself down.)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback..I didn't make an issue of it; on the contrary, I also thanked him for the good intentions, anyway.

Oh, the idea of asking him to help me with a couple of pages crossed my mind just at the moment, and it was at first as a joke, but later turned into a proper request..

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2016):

Well, he made a commitment and didn’t fulfil it, and you could have done with the help. It’s understandable that you are disappointed, but I think you should just chalk it up to experience and forget about it. He is on anti-depression medication, so may not be very reliable at the moment if he is experiencing low mood and symptoms of depression. He also thanked you for being understanding, where he could have told you that it was only a favour anyway and been difficult about it. It seems like he knows that he let you down and acknowledges that. I think we’ve all promised something that we thought we could deliver only for other things to get in the way of our good intentions.

I’d be pleased for him that he’s trying to tackle his depression and try to be a bit more realistic with what you ask for: if you don’t have the time for this assignment, what makes you think others will be able to do the work at short notice?

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (26 November 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntPerhaps he wasn't capable of translating the material and didn't want to lose face with you so made excuses? Perhaps he really did have other things more pressing. Perhaps his depression made your request too much to cope with?

I would put this aside. If it is a "one off", then forget about it. See how he is going forward. Don't turn this into a deal breaker situation. However, if he consistently behaves in ways which make you feel let down, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship.

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