A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just dont know where to start!! I am going insane lately and dont know if its me or what? I dont even know why I am doing this but I need some views!!I met this guy last year over the net was a tad dubious at the start as there is a 22 year age gap between us, I am 25 and he is 47. But we met and got on well, we met again and again he was always a gent and we didnt sleep together straight away either. About 4 weeks into the relationship he said he loved me which frightened me coz I dont believe you can love someone in that short time, but I guess I loved him then, ya know butterflies in the tummy, constantly thinking. Anyways all was going really well we went to London for a week to meet his family, but then things went a bit odd after that! He does drink quiet a bit and says things which I think arent true coz he never remembers them the following day! I gave him a pc I had as his old one had broke and when I installed it there were loads of email addresses and contacts on his aol account, eventho we both deleted ours he didnt this was lie number one and he swore he would get rid which he did. But now another lie has croped up! Porn! He always preached to me about how he hated this and found it disgusting! Yet I have found loads of catologues and piles of DVDs! He says he never watched them while he was with me but its lies he broke down and told me he enjoyed porno so I said fine, I dont want to lose him! But here is the best bit, the last catologue was in summer 08 and he has ordered more! I just dont know what to think I have spoken to my mates who say I am overreacting, but I dont see it that way! Im devasted and now my confidence is gone and I feel so unattractive!! Please some advise am I just overreacting????? :-(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): No you are not over-reacting. This has nothing to do with whether he enjoys porn or not, it is that he has lied. Not just a little but a lot, to the degree that he has reacted very emitionally about it. The signals that he is showing indicate some addiction issues as well as control. I once suffered from the same and you think you are going mad until it starts that he stalks you when you try to get away. My advice would be to say that you need a break for a couple of weeks and watch how he reacts.
If he starts following you, calling you, speaking to your friends about you, you have your proof. Trouble is the more you stay the more confused you get because of the mixed messages. You lose self-esteem and become powerless. This sort of person leeches, they make you feel needed which is why they can control you. But he would be no to the next internet contact if you left him, he does not love you.
The fact that you hate porn is perfectly legitimate and so do not let other people think you are unreasonable for that. It is everywhere now and if a person denies using it very emotionally but does so to saturation then they are likely to have an addiction. I spent two painful years getting out of a situation like this (met online), I let it tip into being bitten by him (literally) before I realised my instincts were right. Even then he had a hold over me. You are young. Get out and get some counselling so you can avoid these pitfalls again in future. GO!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): Dear Poster
No, I don't think you are overreacting.
This might not be what you want to hear but I think you are sense the "red lights" flashing.
This guy is not honest and open with you; what else is he hiding from you and how many more lies will you discover?
No, I suggest you take stock of this situation and of your relationship.
Communication,respect, honesty and trust are vital for any relationship to be happy and successful.
Have a good talk to him about how you feel and listen to his explanations BUT i urge you to THINK CAREFULLY before you proceed with this relationship.
Don't let what he does and his behavior affect your self esteem and self confidence. You need to FOCUS on what is best for you and your happiness and your future.
Pay attention to your GUT FEELINGS and take good care of yourself. You deserve a loving, caring and understanding person that respects you enough to be honest with you.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (29 December 2008):
 Are You Gay....? Are you a Male for sure..?
Second, He lied.. Most of us do.. It's not such a big thing here..!! He confessed that he liked Porn..!! It has got NOTHING to do with you..!!
We might have the BEST LOOKING GIRL FRIEND buy we might enjoy porn at the same time.. !! It's just a choice.. Nothing else..
Chill... !!
G'day
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