A
female
age
30-35,
*eh2014
writes:So I am visiting the guy I'm dating very soon, but I am really starting to question if all this effort is worth it. I really care for him, but the feeling of me being more into him is something that won't go away. I would hardly go a day w/out texting someone I care about, especially long distance. I know he has great plans for me when I get there and everything. My concern is that he will only show interest when we are together, which at this point is once every 1 or 2 months and I don't want to settle for that. I feel really bad about this, but yesterday I got hit on by another guy, it felt pretty good, especially since my guy was barely paying attention to me, I shut it down though right away and didn't let him buy me a drink and I barely spoke to him. If am content and feel loved, other guys hitting doesn't affect me at all, whenever a guy would start talking to me I would mention something about my bf (ex now) right away. The guy talks about how lucky he is to have a girl like me, in my mind I am screaming "then act like it", as in send me a quick text (literally takes seconds), especially if you have time to post on facebook. Idk what to do, I already told him once that I didn't like going w/out communication and I am very tempted to tell him how distant I feel from him when he doesn't text. He has been like this from the beginning, but for the most part he would still text me good morning or night if I didn't 1st. Its not money or time I'm super concerned about, its my emotion and love that I don't want to sink into this guy and get heartbroken. I am willing to put myself out there again for the right guy. Am I nitpicking or should I be concerned? Btw I want the commitment, but I don't want to settle.
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female
reader, Mistercatbean  +, writes (2 November 2016):
 I would also like to add on to the excellent answer with the book references. Communication is SO important. If you are scared about what he might say, what I have to say is that you'll never know and will keep guessing until you straight up just ask. Worst case scenario he says "well I can't text you more for (insert reason here)". That's when a healthy couple will make a compromise and express what both of their needs are and meet not exactly in the middle but whatever the middle feels like for both people. That is what a healthy dose of commitment and love looks like and yes it takes lots and lots of work to get there and LOTS of communication. If communication is dead or one (or both) individuals just refuse to do it, then usually this is a sign of a relationship not having the basic building blocks to work out
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2016): Oh dear. Another case of 'HE SHOULD KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT AND HOW I FEEL WITHOUT ME HAVING TO SAY A WORD!!!'Have you EVER considered that he is screaming inside too? Wanting you to do something that would never occur to you as necessary or desirable? WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT!!Read the book called 'The Five Languages of Love'. It's all about how different people show love and would like to receive what feels like love to them. And guess what? We're all different. We all communicate our feelings for each other differently. And men and women think SO differently, that he has NO CLUE that you are thinking and feeling like this. Why would he? Is he a mind reader? Have you ever said that a daily text to you feels so important and that the lack of it so like total indifference? No?So how on earth do you expect him to know? Yes it's obvious to you, but IT ISN'T TO HIM!!Why was the book called 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' written and such a success? For this kind of topic exactly. This is why communication is the number one requirement for a successful relationship. Because we don't read minds and our minds are all very different. Tell him. If he cares about you and it sounds as if he does, then he will be more than happy to make you happy.
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