A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, My boyfriend owns a strip club. It may sound sleazy but he actually took it over after his brother that owned it died and it does make a lot of money so I would not want to ask him not to give that up. and I actually met him working as a stripper there. Before I knew him, he was friends with most of the girls that work there...including banging some of the girls. So all of his girl friends are strippers.I am also friends with a lot of the girls as well, but he constantly wants to hang out with his girlfriends - I am ALWAYS invited but soemtimes im just not going to want to hang out with a bunch of girls (a lot that aren't even really my friends). It just gets to the point where it's ridiculous. I really don't think he is cheating on me but I can't hekp but to be very paranoid. Other than this, he is pretty much a great guy. He is very sweet and does so much for me and has the best personality i could ever ask for. We got in a huge fight though from him hanging out with a bunch of girls and I yelled at him calling him a pervert and that he needs to stop trying to be cool and hanging out with a bunch of strippers and that i can't f'ing STAND IT! He just freaked out on me and yelled at me telling me he HATES me and can't stand me because i bitch constantly and am so paranoid. He went off saying the MEANEST things he could ever say (getting really personal about my parents, my apperance, etc)Am i being outrageous for not wanting these girls around all the time? How do i get him to not be sooo mean back when i get mad at HIM for doing something wrong??
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 I agree with what Beingblack said, in this sense: you met as owner of a stripper club and stripper. In his eyes, the rules are clear from the very start. On the other hand, no one can but understand that you would want him for yourself only. Here, YOU are right.
I am afraid that your relationship has very low chances of surviving. I am afraid he won't give up owning the club, and he won't give up "sampling" the girls. And, since you're in love, you can't give that up, either.
Maybe the best thing to do is to leave him and find someone else. You will find someone who will give you what you want, I am sure.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 While I can sympathise with how you feel about him 'hanging around' with the girls all the time, you have to be realistic, and mentally strong. You were once a stripper yourself, and you met him as such. Before you knew him, he surrounded himself with girls, and now he does the same. But - something about you makes him want to set you above all the rest, and call you his girlfriend. I can't see anything wrong with that, but it doesn't seem to be enough for you. If you accept that YOU are his number one girl, while you enjoy the financial benefits of his business, thats a start. You were a stripper, so you know how the 'game' works, hence your insecurity. Ask him to spend a little more time with you, and when he asks you to hang out with him and the girls, make an effort to go once in a while. Also, I think you have to read your own words. How can you call these girls 'a bunch of strippers', or call him a 'pevert' for hanging out with them. Give them the same respect that you demanded when you worked on stage. You may have moved on, but remember where you came from to get to where you are now. Your boyfriends business is strippers. You knew this all along. He has to look after the girls, make sure they stay attractive, have good acts etc, in order for the business to stay profitable. It is quite difficult for him NOT to be constantly checking up on his human investments. I suggest that with your inside knowledge, you help him a little with the business so you can spend some more time with him, or relax your attitude and stop judging these other girls as threats.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Hi,
You came from this world, so you know the downfalls. You like the money but you dont like the life anymore?
It doesnt sound like he wants to move on and drop the old lifestyle, so you either "put up, or shut up" I'm affraid.
Or you could leave him and find a man that wants to settle down, and is only interested in you.
Personally I would do the latter, because you will never be able to trust this guy. If you have a row, how easy will it be for him to go to one of these other girls?
In my opinion you are only going to have heart-ache from this situation.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Oh my!Sorry this is happening to you. I myself have dated more than a few strippers(on a short term basis) in my life. I am sure that it bugs you moreso because you know exactly what the life entails.being he is the owner now, I am sure as much as you would like to think he is not sampling the merchandise, I think you and I know better. His basic attitude towards you shows a real disregard for you. Sadly you and I know that regardless of a man being an owner or a customer in the club, they have one thing in common: They view strippers as interchangable women who they can try to or actually sample as a flavor of the month, and then discard them without batting an eye.I am not trying to be flippant about this at all, but he is the owner, and he can do whatever he wants. He can always try to deny his guilt and think that it's "Just part of the life". You also know what those girls are capable of as well. I sure do. But you must take into account that he is the "Big Man" now, and he may be in the midst of looking for a short term trade in.I hate to be so pessimistic, but I really don't see him changing. The fact that he told you he hates you is his justification for going ahead and screwing as many of them as he deems necessary. If there is any consolation, take solace in the fact that you aren't doing it anymore, and you have evolved as a woman, and a human being. I know it hurts, but staying with this guy is only going to breed more and more suspicion and sadness on your part. I wish there was something I could say that could make you feel better about this, but I just don't see any type of happy ending with this guy.You know there really are good guys out there that won't judge you by your past profession or treat you like crap. They are out there, I promise!
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