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Am I only the one who only gets chances with extremely unattractive people or people with strangeness?

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Question - (2 April 2014) 12 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Am I only the one who only gets chances with extremely unattractive people or people with strangeness?

This has probably been asked before, I don't get it anyone I like doesn't like me back or they've done something unforgivable, yet unattractive people seem to hang around and are so easy to date. Is this common?

I don't think I'm unattractive, people compliment me alot. Another strange thing I've noticed people I don't find attractive seem to give out good compliments whereas attractive people seem to be less complimentary.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014):

I think I know what you mean. Good news for you that this is how it mostly happens. You date, you meet people who you don't find attractive until you meet someone who is.

It doesn't mean you attract only people you don't like, it's just impossible. But to find someone that you like takes time and patience.

The only thing that would be on your way for it to happen if you are looking for someone who doesn't exist. When I was very young, I had my standards so high thati found it difficult to actually date anyone at all. I paid too much attention to appearance, and every sentence that a guy said, that nothing ever lasted more than 2 dates. On another hand good looking guys who perfected their charming technics and were very good looking slept with me, leaving me feel disappointed and hurt.

I am not saying to date someone you don't like, but magic happens and may be one day you ll meet someone who you have chemistry with and with incredible personality.

Many years ago I went out with my friend, and met a guy. There was nothing special about him. He was a bit chubby, with round face. Not my type at all. I was then a pretty thin girl with big boobs and long legs, guys were all over me.,

Little by little we started dating. He was kind, gentle and generous man who completely made me fell in love with him. No one understood what I saw in him, he was according to them, obviously out of my league.

Still people didn't understand when we got married 2 years later. Now 20 years later and 2 grown children, I am the only one that is not divorced.

Beating, and try not to take it personally. All people are trying.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014):

Unattractive meaning "unsuitable". As a whole package

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014):

I dont get what you mean by 'unforgiveable'? Are you being hit upon by serial killers or something, or is it just that you find the fact that they don't fit your definition of 'attractive', to be unforgiveable?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (3 April 2014):

Ciar agony auntEveryone has plenty of chances with unattractive people because unattractive people are a dime a dozen. I mean unattractive overall, as you've described it.

The difference between you and a lot of other women is you don't adjust your standards to accommodate them. You clearly have other priorities in life and aren't so wrapped up in pleasing (or at least not offending) them that you put up with junk.

People who have low standards have an easy time finding someone, but they have a much harder time enjoying anything positive and fulfilling with them. You know this, you've seen their dramas unfold in front of you countless times.

Your 'dilemma' is something to be proud of not concerned about. You're obviously doing something right, so keep doing it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014):

I need to clear something up, when I said unattractive I was talking about the whole package I also meant they are unattractive to me not unattractive to everyone. So basically I'm saying I attract people I'm not attracted to alot.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (3 April 2014):

CindyCares agony auntThat's a strange question. "Unattractive " people date too, have sex too, get married too, no matter what glamour magazines would want you to believe, the world does not belong to a restricted elite of beautiful people. And how do you think " unattractive " guys get their mates ?- just like the hot ones. By approaching girls, complimenting them etc.etc.

Or do you mean they should not ?-... they should not approach YOU, because you are out of their league. They should strictly confine themselves within their league. Well... they don't have to see it this way, and they obviously do not. Either they don't see you as out of their league as you see yourself- or they are self confident people , happy with themselves, and they know they have other stuff to compensate their imperfect looks . Or, so far the they have chanced into people who is not hung up on looks, and they do not even imagine you could feel annoyed or surprised by their admiration.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014):

You really are being judgmental here

" unattractive. people give me compliments" are you saying you are sooo hot that you deserve them? stop being shallow. We are all attractive in our own way and cruel labels wont win you friends.

we all have our own version of whats attractive or quirky or unttractive or strange.

A pretty outside doesnt make up for a rotten and self absorbed inside, that judges people before giving them a chance. Not everyone can be "hot"

you want a hot guy right? how about a good personality or kind heart?

You are a snob.

In my experience many attractive guys and girls are so ego focussed and wouldnt give the average man or woman a second glance, its so patronising you say you have a chance with less attractive guys, like you are so attractive you are doing them a favour?

Personality counts, ego isnt good.

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A male reader, Levsn Sweden +, writes (3 April 2014):

Sorry to say this OP, but you sound like really high maintenance. Ever thought about why only "unattractive" people compliment you? Maybe you are not as good looking as you think you are, otherwise a attractive man would have already asked you out.

Please get back to reality and stop living in your own little world, get to know a person before you write them off as unattractive, looks alone aren't enough.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (3 April 2014):

Tisha-1 agony auntI'm sorry, I have to point out your cognitive dissonance here: "I don't think I'm unattractive, people compliment me alot. Another strange thing I've noticed people I don't find attractive seem to give out good compliments whereas attractive people seem to be less complimentary."

You say that people compliment you alot, but that the people you don't like give the good compliments and the people you want to compliment you aren't really doing that.

Basically by your description, "ugly people compliment me a lot."

I'm guessing that you are judging people purely on appearance and don't really know them. Sorry, but it may be that the reason you are attracting what you perceive as strangeness is because you are emanating "strangeness" yourself.

One of those universal truisms is that you get back what you put out there. And frankly this question is kind of strange and I would say that you might want to spend some time looking in the mirror, and reflect on your contributions to the world and to your own self-image.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (3 April 2014):

celtic_tiger agony auntI have to agree with WiseOwlE on this one.

Your post is coming across a little snobbish, and rude.

Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, and what you think is downright ugly, others may see as normal or even, dare I say, very attractive! Beauty is only skin deep, but attractiveness goes right to the core.

There can be very beautiful people who are ugly inside, which makes them exceptionally unattractive. Equally there can be "ugly" people who have hearts of gold and a personality to rival anyone. All combinations of these factors occur in real life. Ugly doesn't always attract ugly, and beautiful doesn't always attract beautiful.

You seem to have a very high opinion of your own attractiveness and feel that you deserve to have someone equal or better than you asking you out on dates?

Attractive people can be very rude and shallow. They won't give compliments to other people, because they expect everyone else to compliment them. That is probably why you are not getting complimented as you want, because these people are too wrapped up in their own beauty. An attractive man can have any girl he wants. And he wants them to come to him. He will not chase. He wants them to suck up and say how wonderful he is and he will treat them like dirt. Because he can. Because he is an Adonis. And they will take it because they want an attractive partner.

Why are these people you don't find attractive so ugly to you? Do they have two heads? Bad breath? or are they just normal guys? What type of man do you really want? Something out of a fashion magazine? A moviestar? That is NOT reality.

Same as any photo of any celebrity you see. Everything is photoshopped, fake hair, fake teeth, tonnes of makeup, hairstylists on call. And that is just the men. Women are even worse with fake boobs, hair, nails. These people do not wake up looking like that. It is a fantasy world, and no one looks good first thing in the morning, when you have bad breath, bed hair, need a shave or go to the toilet.

If you come across to others as thinking you are better than them, men will not approach you. In my experience most men do not want hassle. If you act like a diva, and date a man who also acts like a diva, there will be conflict, because you will both want to look better than the other and be the one in the spotlight. YOU want more compliments than the other and it will create tension and rows.

I suggest you take a good look at your own attitudes and how they might come across to others in a social setting. How would you react if you complimented someone and they were rude back? How would you feel?

Probably like you do now because these attractive men you want are not complimenting you.

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A male reader, Dodds Kenya +, writes (3 April 2014):

Dodds agony auntYou've just gotta try out these frogs, kiss 'em and watch as they turn into your handsom prince

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014):

I'm around strange people all the time. So, I'm kind of used to them. I don't date them. They are however; among my best friends. They know they're strange. It's what I love about them. They are colorful, creative, funny, and loveable. I can't image life without them. They take the adjective strange as a compliment.

Most people are ageist. I'm a mature gay man. I stay fit and I get compliments more from young men than guys my own age. I'm health-conscious and into fitness.

People appreciate outer-appearance. So you take compliments with grace. Someday, age will take it's toll. I keep what's beneath the skin likeable. That's how I roll.

If I wanted to date younger men exclusively, I'd have my pick. I prefer the older guys; but they're too busy trolling for younger gay men. Some look like they're out with their young sons. Insulted if you mistakenly ask.

I prefer mature and healthy. Who wouldn't find some 25 year-old "kid" with a chiseled physique attractive? He's just a boy! I've worked out all my life, and it's part of my lifestyle. Yet stockier men seem more appealing to me. My own friends raise eyebrows, and ask me what's up with that? I remind the rich old coots we're not getting any younger. Past our prime! Maybe money never ages! People do! In fact, their wrinkled old asses make crinkled impressions in their wallets! Act your age!

I get stares from my own age-group. It's not all gym, it's genes boys! Healthy food and healthy living! They choke on their obligatory compliments. I'd rather they'd keep them; if it's that hard to cough up. The better they look, the less they are likely to offer a compliment. You're right about that.

You know, it's hard for me to snub people. I wasn't raised that way. A long while back, I was harshly criticized by a good lady-friend for not feeling comfortable with a compliment. She always punched me in the arm, and told me to always smile and say, thank you! No condescending compliments are necessary in return. Complimenting back and forth like idiots. Take it like a man. So a compliment is a compliment, no matter who it comes from. Thank you, is the best response!

I have dated guys some in our gay-community would consider plain and ordinary. Maybe even unattractive. They are clean, stylish,charming,classy, intelligent, and sensual. Their character compensates for the lack of aesthetic beauty, that the narcissistic gay-community is obsessed with. I absolutely hate that. I can't tell you how much I hate that side of our community.

If an extremely unattractive person is able to gather the nerve to make a pass or take a chance; consider how tough it was to approach you. A polite smile and thank you for the compliment is all that's necessary. If they aren't rude, their looks should not be a reason for a snub.

Truth be told, who could appreciate beauty more?

It's no reflection on your appearance. Being approached by what you might consider "an unattractive person" doesn't detract from your good-looks. An ugly attitude is just as unattractive. There is also karma that comes with conceit and snobbery.

It's what's in a person's heart that makes them more beautiful than anything. I know quite a few very nasty pretty people. They can shove it where the sun don't shine!

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