A
male
age
30-35,
*mit thakur
writes:so lately i have been very very possesive about a girl, we became friends about a year ago ,and i knew we will never get married and also i wasnt lookin for a gf, everything was fine, but after 6 months she told me she had a bf before for 5 years, after that i became posessive and now it went so far. i thought it was love and it is heartbreak so i want you guys to help me figure out what it is ,i feel like texting to her all the time, its like she is on my mind every second, when she texts back, i feel super relaxed, and when she dont i get anxious,when she dont text back i starts thinking she is with another boy ,talking to him, even i know its most probably not true i know this obsession is certainly not healthy for me and i want to move on but i want to know first what is this feeling?is this obsession because i love her a lot or is it something else? its not like she is perfect, she is not and even when she talks she dont talk much then even i know she is not perfect for me ,why am i so obsessed about her? plz help guys
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2015): Sometimes you can become very comfortable being around and interacting with one particular person. If you're not very outgoing, and you don't have a circle of friends for fun and healthy distraction; you'll focus all your time and attention on her.
You are fond of her, but it's not love unless the person you care for reciprocates your feelings. Then it is infatuation.
If you worry when you don't hear from her, or get upset thinking she is with someone else? You're right, that is unhealthy. At least you realize it is, which means you also know you have to do something about such unhealthy feelings.
When you focus all your attention on only one woman; maybe that is because it isn't easy for you to make friends or approach other women. That is the reason you hold on so tight to her. Otherwise, you would have no one else to share your time with.
If you let go, you fear the loneliness, and her finding someone else. Which she will anyway, if she isn't into you.
Could it be you're too afraid to try and meet other women; because of the effort it takes and you don't want to be rejected? You like to stay in a safe place, and it's safe with her. Well, you're in your 20's; and you can't spend the rest of your life pining for someone who doesn't want you in a romantic-way.
She will eventually find someone else and move on. You will be forced to deal with it. You have no power over that.
If at some point in time, she decides she wants you to leave her alone; then you must respect her wishes regardless of your "obsession." Her family, new boyfriend, or law enforcement; will help you to regain your self-control.
You have to slowly wean yourself off thinking of her and contacting her. Take a week off without texting or calling her. One week at a time. No contact. Find other things to do with your time, and go out and try to make some friends. Get an extra part-time job to fill-in your idle-time. If your fixation is really out of control, you should seek therapy. You deserve to be able to enjoy spending time with other people, and enjoying your youth. Dating other girls.
Not centering all your attention on just one woman.
Love doesn't make you obsess, untreated mental-illness will.
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