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Am I not being flirtatious enough? How can I tell? Should I just have an open talk with him about our relationship?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am a gay male, and I am really confused about if a guy wants to just remain friends with me or have a romantic relationship. I will call him Jon. We became friends about a year ago. I came on pretty strong when we first met. I was very flirtatious, and I would call him to see if he wanted to hang out. We had made out randomly at a party. However, (I am not sure if this will help) one night last spring at a club he made out with one of my best friends in front of me. I had a discussion about this with my friend, and we are okay. All last summer, I never talked to Jon at all. Then, when school started in the fall, Jon and I would hang out with each other, but it would be in groups of friends. Never alone. Then from about November until now, we've had about three or four times where we have hang out alone. We went to dinner and a play one night. We went to dinner and few bars together another night. We never talk to one another about guys we are interested in. We buy each other drinks.

One date he came back to my place, and we stayed up all night watching music videos and talking. He ended up sleeping on my couch. I feel like on all these dates, I have made an effort to flirt with him. I do not seem to be getting any response from him. The last time I hung out with him was last night. He invited me to go out with two of his really close friends that I had never met, a girl and a guy. This girl and guy are currently dating. We went to a couple bars together and went back to Jon's apartment. However, it seemed like a double date because all throught the night Jon's friends would kiss each other and flirt. However, once again, Jon was not very responsive to my flirtations. I guess my questions are: Am I not being flirtatious enough? How can I tell? Should I just have an open talk with him about our relationship? Are things different for gay couples than straight? It's only been about a year and a half since I have came out.

I guess I would be okay with him just being my friend, but I am graduating in May. He won't be graduating until December, and I want to make sure I don't let something pass me by. I would appreciate any advice. Thanks!

View related questions: best friend, flirt

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009):

I agree with Boonridge

Dont try so hard! thats the onli thing I can say

I guess it is kinda uncomfortable for him when you lead a "too obvious" flirt. I wouldn't say you should try to play hard to get kus sometimes it might just piss off the guy (trust me...it happened to me LOL)but depending on his personalities...if you think hard to get might work then sure...why not give it a try? You can also play more of a friend role around him.... act natural as if he's like your other friends and I guess you can introduce him to your close friends too which might seem kinda nice.....

I have no idea what I'm saying anymore X_X lols

Wish you Luckkkk

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (9 February 2009):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntjust relax in his company and stop "trying" to flirt and just let subtle communication and body language become the flirting. it sounds to me like your approach is a bit too openly obvious and that he doesnt respond because there is no legitimate alternative meaning to what you are saying. like a double entendre without the double. you need to play hard to get. spend time with him but withdraw your positive body language and project and air of indifference combined with good humour and watch to see if he fills the gap and takes control.

i might be wrong but some people are not open in public as that is not their character.

good luck

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