A
female
age
36-40,
*1sha
writes:Hi everyone, I am 27 and my boyfriend is 33. He's my first sexual partner and we've been together for 2.5 years. I've always felt bad that we have sex as I wanted to save it for marriage. We're going through a difficult patch at the moment. I haven't taken my pill in a few weeks since we haven't been having sex. I spent yesterday and the night before with him. He was trying to have sex during this time and I kept pushing him away. He is always kind and stops trying buy eventually I let him. I felt really bad afterwards and left his house abruptly. I went back and explained that he should have listened when I said I didn't want to. He said I should've told him that I haven't taken my pill and he would understand. He was very kind when I explained that I was upset to him. I find taking about these topics really difficult and now I feel bad for blaming him when i agreed to it as well. Do you think I did the right thing by telling him that this incident upset me or am I being childish?? Many thanks. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sammy621aa  +, writes (7 December 2011):
i honestly dont think your being selfish childish or anything like that all it says about you is that you are genuine and human. Everyone makes mistakes or say things in a way that may upset others but seriously dont let anyone ever tell you that you saying that makes you sound childish. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Childish OP. If you didn't want sex then you shouldn't have done it, he would have respected your decision and you know that.
It sounds to me like you did this deliberately just so you could be pissed off at him.
Don't worry, it's a pretty normal thing for women to do. My girlfriend does it from time to time too except with matters other than sex.
It's not a big deal so don't make it one,you got your bit of drama and your reason to be pissed at him therefore you should satisfied that your ploy worked. Just let it go OP, because you have no right to be upset you storm out of the house, you don't even tell him you were on the pill and now you're upset? Come on now OP, you did this all on purpose to create a bit of tension and liven things up a little.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 December 2011):
 Your 27, you should take more responsibility for your sex life. Why are you stopping contraception when you are in a sexual relationship. That is irresponsible. Unless you knew that you would never have sex with this man again, you should continue taking the pill. Maybe you should go to the doctor and get the injection instead.Why are you shy to talk to your boyfriend about contraception. Obviously you have sex, and it's normal for him to ask. You could have solved all this problem, by either telling him your not protected or asking him to use a condom. A simple explanation would have solved all this heartache.Why are you having sex with a man if you wanted to save your virginity for marriage. It's been 2.5 years, and it still bothers you enough to come here and mention it. It's got nothing to do with what happened that night. You sound like you want to be a virgin and married, but then again you don't. At 27years old, it's time you made up your mind on the whole issue and either stop all sex before marriage, or enjoy the relationship you have without feeling guilty.Doesn't sound like he was forcing you, or harassing you. As you said, it's a bad patch with no sex, it's normal for him to want things to get back to "normal".It's more than this incident upsetting you, at the moment your acting more like a teenager who isn't sure what she wants, rather than a sexually active woman who is in an adult loving relationship.Think about where your life to go, and go get the injection if you want to continue dating. Even if your not having sex, in the heat of the moment we all make mistakes. Whatever this bad patch is, try to sort it out, and learn how to communicate properly about issues that are bothering you.Yep, morning after pill - you got 72 hours (after sex) to take it, before it's no longer effective.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 I think, no offense, that this action was a bit childish of you. You should have told him that you weren't on the pill, for starters. Second, you need to take responsibility for your own actions, because that's what you as an adult need to do. You can't blame having sex on him being pushy, because unless he's been forcing you then you have been agreeing to having sex as well. It's your responsibility to say no and take a stance if you can't have sex, or don't want it. You are your own responsibility. If you never wanted to have sex with him to begin with then it's not his fault you did, it's your own too. He can only be 50 percent of this, the rest is yourself, and at any given time you are always 100 percent responsible for your own actions.
This means that if he is pushing you into sex and you don't want it, you need to either leave him and find someone who never pushes, or talk to him about it in a mature manner, rather than telling him afterwards how upset you are and how you blame him for everything.
Take responsibility. And take a morning after pill.
...............................
A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (5 December 2011):
 First things first... have you taken the morning after pill?You have 72 hours to get one, but they are more reliable when taken sooner after sex than later.As for your BF... have you explained you wanted to wait for sex?How did you eventually give in? Sounds like a form of rape the way you describe it. He should be more understanding about you saying NO... regardless of whether you have taken the pill or not. Why did/do you give in? Is he so persuasive or is it that you get carried away in the moment? From your post it sounds like you dont actually enjoy sex... which is a concern. There are lots of other ways to enjoy sex without penetration. What about doing that?I'm late for the school run, but will pop back later and add more. Really worried about you xxx
...............................
|
