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Am I just another girl on his list! Help!

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 November 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 November 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have recently been going on dates with a boy from my school. He broke up with his girlfriend the day before he told me he likes me.. So I am the reason he dumped her. I have never dated a guy before, because I think that serious relationships should only happen when you're ready to be married. This boy though, has dated 6 girls seriously. He is not a virgin, although he really regrets his mistake. I really like this guy, but I feel hesitant about going into a relationship like this... I just don't want to be another girl on his list. I want to be special to him, and different from the others, because I am. I deserve someone who likes me for me, and not just because i'm available. He shows no sign of using me, but I'm still worried. I have talked to him about it, and he says that all of his other relationships haven't felt right, and that this time, he thinks I'm the right kind of girl. Then he turns around and says he won't try kissing me, and he doesn't want to marry me. He held my hand all through a movie, and it felt right. But according to his comment, he wont try anything? I'm extremely confused, and worried about jumping into this. I don't expect perfection, but I deserve someone who wants me.

I obviously need help...

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A female reader, largentsgirl89 United States +, writes (21 November 2010):

largentsgirl89 agony auntThe funny and sucky thing about players? Is that you don't even know that they are playing you until it's too late.

I was in a very similar situation that you are. I didn't date until I was eighteen and I was still a virgin. This boy comes along and he was cute and sweet and said all of the right things and once I fell for him and we decided to sleep with each other, he dumped me two days later. Saying that we should just be friends. Now I have a two year old son (whom he didn't help raise) and he died in June of 2009 because he drank too much.

If I were you I would be very cautious and take things really really slow if you want to be with this guy. He broke up with his girlfriend to be with you, what is to stop him from breaking up with you to be with someone else? Think about that.

I'm not trying to sound cynical. But if you don't feel right about something, then don't do it.

He doesn't want to marry you, that's probably a good thing since you guys are really young and as for serious relationships, how are you going to know if you want to marry someone unless you are in a serious and committed relationship with that person?

Good luck. Hopefully he will see you for the warm hearted person you are (I can tell by your question) Be special and different from the other girls he has dated. Don't take his crap either.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010):

I had this exact same thought with my boyfriend. Everything was going fine. He dumped me yesterday.

It's not all wrong though.

I broke up with a guy for another guy and he wasn't just another on the list. On the contrary he was perfect he was just what I was looking for in a guy. Unfortunately I wasn't what he was looking for. You may have that feeling.

It could go either way.

He could have broken up with her because he's actually interested in you. And then you may find that you're not interested in him, because of the worry.

I feel like worrying that someone will leave you, or cheat on you or lie to you, only makes it more likely that it'll happen.

He's with you now. Appreciate him while he's with you, because nothing lasts forever.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010):

I believe he told you he wouldnt try anything was because he does see you differently..that's not a bad thing. if he didnt want you he wouldnt be holding your hand through any movie..as far as him not wanting to marry you that's not necessarily a bad thing at this point because he just started talking to you as far as liking you. you dnt want to rush anything like that. if you want to be seen as special to him just keep being who you're!! dnt worry about everything else.. enjoy your time 2gether. and as time passes if you feel this is not the type of relationship you want and you do not think its going in the direction you'd want your life to be in then let go..but til then stop over analyzing everything. you have a good heart I can tell by how you wrote your question. believe me that's not hard for men to see..the right guy will always see your different than just the average fling...be happy if you like him..

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