A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a 39 year old man (I'm 24) for 2 weeks now and last night we had our first little discussion about 'us'. Nothing too major as its too soon for that, but a few things he said concerned me and now my question is am I going to end up hurt?I asked him how he felt about the age difference and while we both agreed that when we are together its not at all noticeable or a problem, I am younger than girls he would normally go for. He said he is "in a hurry" which was in reference to getting married and having kids (he has never been married, only lived with one girl for 5 years a long time ago). Because he is in a hurry he presumed that at my age I wouldn't be interested in those things for quite some time. He also thought that he was my rebound (I split up with my ex about 6 weeks ago although it had really been over for about a year). I assured him he's not, I have been 'over' my ex for some months now. In terms of the positives about us, we have loads in common, make each other laugh, have lots of shared interests, sexually we are very compatible and we really enjoy each others company. I'm starting to really like him, which is why I'm now worrying that actually he can never see me in a serious light and wouldn't ever want anything long term with me. We left the conversation there and he did say he will rethink what he initially thought about me, which is good....but I can't help worrying now. Do I need to back off so I don't get too attached? Am I going to end up hurt in this situation? Any thoughts would be appreciated!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Sorry to hear that.Don't be sad,instead face it! He'doesn't derserve your LOVE. There are always Better one outside there....Keep looking
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to both of you for your answers.
Bad news is last night he pretty much told me that I am too young for him, he didnt realise I might actually be looking for something serious and he just thought it would be a bit of fun. He said that I actually make him feel older, and that we are not on the same level.
So I guess that is that then, I didnt respond to any of that because there doesnt seem much point, I think he has made his mind up. I am feeling so stupid now, I had an inkling he was going to hurt me (hence why I asked this question) and it appears I was right all along.
I am pretty gutted, he didnt really give me a chance and I didnt think men at his age would still act like silly boys and use women like this. We had a lot of great things going for us but it seems he is a bit of a pessimist (he admitted this) and is only looking at the negatives.
He has sent so many mixed messages, we were talking about his 40th and he mentioned what he would do for a party but it might be different if his circumstances changed (hinting at girlfriend etc) whilst looking at me right in the eyes, he told me all about wanting to settle down etc....but then to not even give me a chance? Pretty pissed off if I'm honest about the whole thing. I guess I just have to keep telling myself he simply wasnt into me enough to want to give it a try, if he really liked me that much he would have put the age difference aside perhaps.
Think I will be staying away from men for a while now - this was my first foray back into dating after the ex who I was with for 2 years and it hasnt been a good experience!
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A
female
reader, cheers +, writes (8 August 2011):
Hi there. Just to share, when I got married,the gap difference with My Bf is 9yrs(he's much older,43 years old). He's hardworking& fillial son.I accept him the good & bad characters.
Frm your remark, I can tell u like him. then Let's get start! Hint him AGAIN that you're SERIOUS about this relationship.Let's move forward & asks him,"What do you think we should do next?" What's your Planning For a Happy Marriage? He should be able to get it
Good Luck, My Dear
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 August 2011):
 He worries that he is the one being hurt here because you seem to have more options. You can have kids now if you want to, you can wait to have Mr. Perfect, you can also choose to be single. You have to think about what you want too. Do you see yourself having kids within the next 3 years? If you want to experience true love you have to follow your heart. You both will have your fears, but if you keep being consistent with each other then there will be no reason to leave this relationship. He will probably blow hot and cold, he will say things he doesn't mean, he will jump to conclusions when he makes thoughts and fears the truth, which can be very annoying, but if you show that you will be there for him no matter what then he will think he's the man for you.
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