A
male
age
26-29,
*am Wilson
writes:Hello everyone and I'm sorry for this post. This is a bit more personal than I'm comfortable with so here it goes...A few of you may know(or not), I've been together with my girlfriend since January we met at University and she even spent the summer living with my family. (parents and sister and all)I've only dated 1 other girl before and is on good terms with her since my parents tend to get involved with my friends and love life (we're close that way).Before coming back to school my dad spoke to me sincerely. My friends apparently told him all the ups and downs me and my gf been through (the fast relationship, my big gestures, and apparently letting your gf have an internship in my dad's office and live with my family is a big deal too).Long story short he told me...there's a difference between True Love...and cranking a relationship up to 11.He said that I should be natural and calm about this relationship and let it breath once in a while.Friends, Family and even my Ex felt that I've been forcing my self down this road...but truth is I don't know how I feel, I love this girl and I know what I'm doing is right but I've also drove her away when we first dated because of this we reconciled and she says its okay she gets me now and I don't have to worry. But was she speaking the truth?I just read that if it's true love everything would just click and you know it's true. I've been thinking to myself that It may be, but a part of me feels that I'm just scared to be alone.What do you guys think...is my Dad right? am I just forcing things or getting emotionally carried away?Thanks for reading and the help
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 October 2016):
 I think you've taken on a lot by living with her so soon into a relationship, but if you feel good about where you two are, then it's not a Big deal. Understand that there's nothing wrong with taking things slow, or resetting the pacing to be slower and less on a pre-marital track.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2016): Billy Joel said it best: When you love someone, you are always insecure.How can you not be? Loving someone, truly loving them, leaves you more vulnerable than you have ever been before. You know that, and you know that those you love are the ones that can hurt you the worst.But, as much work as it can be sometimes, we trust. Trust that they won't hurt you in ways no one else ever could.And no, no relationship has ever been so easy that it didn't require tremendous amounts of work from all parties. That's the price of being an imperfect species by nature.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016): Realistically you are the one in the relationship and not your dad so you could ask dad to take his thoughts back to minus one.
If youre happy with your girlfriend then im happy for you.
Extended periods of lonesome solitude wont ratchet anything up and you have the right to be happy also.
Allowing your girlfriend to stay at your family and work in his office isnt a big deal unless he went back on the arrangement and sacked her!
Perhaps he wants to slow you down but why should you have to follow it.
Your not up to 11 with this because currently youre on a seesaw where your not even sure what to do!
Your only on 11 if you are planning on a secret and quick elopment so try trusting yourself a bit or you'll be back to square one.
Right now your on about 5.5 and I hope your girlfriend is on about 7.
Maybe you can balance this out next time you spend some quiet time together!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (15 October 2016):
You’re thinking in an all or nothing way: you assume everything has to feel right and make sense or it doesn’t. True love, and life in general, are just not that simple. So what you need to do is to have some independence: try just going out with friends, going to things on your own and spending time apart. Encourage your girlfriend to do the same. The more independence you have, the more you have to fall back on if things don’t work out. It will give you a clearer head to think through whether you are in love or, as you say, just afraid to be alone. Remember that people can get it wrong: only you really know how you feel. But if people are suggesting that you need to let each other breathe, I suspect that they, like me, have concluded that you’re not giving yourself the time and space to figure out what you feel about her. Your Dad isn’t telling you that you don’t love her; he’s just suggesting time out to check out your feelings. It’s easy to throw everything at a relationship to stop you actually having to think it through.
I wish you all the very best.
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