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Am I dumb to believe that my husband had a condom in his wallet because he uses them "to masturbate" with??

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 October 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 5 October 2007)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have a two dear old daughter and I am six months pregnant. We have defiently had some rough patches and I am some infedielty fears from a previous relationship. I have accused him of cheating when he has not and It has taken a toll. We started marriage counceling together and it really worked. Lately things have been great. He has been talking about me to friends of ours when I am not around about how much he loves a cherishes me. The problem is I always go into his wallet to get some cash never anything weird. Last night he went to the bar with a 40 year old guy (he's 25) From work totattly harmless he was gone a few hours and home for dinner. But when I got some money later he also had a condom in there that was not there the day before. Needless to say I was upset. He told me that sometimes he uses them to masterbate. Am I dumb to believe this? Not one person can think he would do this nor would he ever of had the time to. I always know where is he, he always picks up his phone. He never has his phone on his side all day long. He comes home and charges it and nver has he gottern strange texts or phone calls. Do I believe him? I wonder why its in his wallet if its for masterbations, and why is there no more. Is it possible that he may have had bad intentions and didn't go through with it? please advise

View related questions: condom, money, text

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A female reader, Darinda United States +, writes (5 October 2007):

The condom isn't to jack off with. He had it one night in case he got lucky. Sounds harsh, but it's the truth!!! The thing is......at least he had a condom to wear if he chose to cheat on you. At least he had the thought of keeping you from harms way. But, that little bit of comfort isn't much when you have a cheating spouse. Time to face facts! Just imagine.....it could have happened while you were at a b-bq cook off. We were on a team, and he went MIA for a bit. I went home that night and just fell into bed. The next morning I woke up and found a condom on the floor, and the wrappings in the trash. I brought it up, he said he was trying something new. I said it must have been a new piece of ass because it damn sure wasn't me. Needless to say shortly after that I left him. The night it happened he dropped me of at a club and said I'm going ot this club to play on line golf and I'll be a couple of hours. Closing time rolled around and I hadn't heard from him. I had someone take me to another bar, and there he was all over a long haired bleach blonde. I walked back out the door....he was leaving after he heard my voicemail saying I was done! He didn't even realize i had been there. Then he went back to where he he'd dropped me off, and raised all kinds of hell. He called me a name, and i set out whipping his ass. He couldn't get into the house that night because he left the keys with me. I started moving out the next day, and it took me 3days to do it all. But, I got it done.

Sorry, but yes.....he's cheating on you. Now, it's up to you, to decide what to do!

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (4 October 2007):

flower girl agony auntMy husband was having an affair for ages before it actually came out, he never used to keep his phone on him he was always at work or at home, i had my suspicions but always dismissed them because i thought he does not have time, then i found out it had all been going on at work and some times when i thought he was at work he would be out with her, now this is not to say it is the same sort of thing with you but i firmly believe if you have a gut instinct about this then it's usually right.

Be very careful if you start trying to fish about this though because if it is all completely innocent it will cause even more problems.

Take care.xx.

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A male reader, Ger1983 Ireland +, writes (4 October 2007):

Its a difficult one to judge as you say he does not have his mobile glued to him so he obviously not worried about you seen any texts messages and phone calls. So good reason to believe he is being faithful. One hint is keep an eye out for him having a spare mobile or Sim card. Men may use a different number to text his lovers sometimes.

I find it a bit strange that he keeps the condom in his wallet. He is never too far away from home so why not just keep the condoms at home. Surely he does not masturbate at work or in the public toilets.

His 40year friend might be a bad influence on him. Do you know much about him.

I hope you don not mind me saying this but my sister who had a boyfriend who carry condoms in his wallet, turned out he was bi-sexual and meeting men in public toilets. My sister hired a private detective and he was caught out.

Kinda listing all the worst case scenarios.

He could be a very genuine and nice guy and the condom in the wallet is nothing hope it works out for you.

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A male reader, Ger1983 Ireland +, writes (4 October 2007):

Its a difficult one to judge as you say he does not have his mobile glued to him so he obviously not worried about you seen any texts messages and phone calls. So good reason to believe he is being faithful. One hint is keep an eye out for him having a spare mobile or Sim card. Men may use a different number to text his lovers sometimes.

I find it a bit strange that he keeps the condom in his wallet. He is never too far away from home so why not just keep the condoms at home. Surely he does not masturbate at work or in the public toilets.

His 40year friend might be a bad influence on him. Do you know much about him.

I hope you don not mind me saying this but my sister who had a boyfriend who carry condoms in his wallet, turned out he was bi-sexual and meeting men in public toilets. My sister hired a private detective and he was caught out.

Kinda listing all the worst case scenarios.

He could be a very genuine and nice guy and the condom in the wallet is nothing hope it works out for you.

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A male reader, somewhat_anonymous United States +, writes (4 October 2007):

Some guys do use them to masturbate, but yeah, when would he have time? And why this time only? Although I guess the use of condoms to masturbate is for those times you don't want to clean up, so doing it with little time makes sense.

It is suspicious, but there it doesn't sound like you have a one sided argument either way. Do you have any reason to distrust him? Do you have a reason to not trust his friend?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007):

You really still have trust issues with your partner.

I can tell you now, guy's using condoms to masturbate in is very common. You see, it's very convienient and basically you can do it anywhere. And If a guy is circumsized ( you are Americans so I guess thats a gimme )hell it can go anywhere ( remember the film Something about Mary? ).

I'm not saying your husband is entirely innocent, you simply have not provided enough info for that, but from what little you have said I think you are overreacting. He is expressing his love for you when you are not around and he doesnt care if you look at his mobile or whatever.

How about giving the guy a break and concentrate on building a trusting future together. You are both still young so I'm not surprised there have been previous infidelities, personally that's why I believe really young people should wait before marrying, they just havent enough life experience.

But it looks like your hubbie is making a real effort for you. So give him the same level of support he is giving you.

Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007):

im sorry to say this but,he must really think your stupid,ive have never heard such a more pathetic excuse for his infidelity.as i dont believe for 1 second he didnt use it and not for mastubation but for penetration

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