A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. This isn't exactly a relationship question, but it is linked to my relationship.The other night, me and the girl I've been seeing for a couple of months were in a club, and this guy comes up to us and starts chatting to us both. He was quite drunk, but he seemed like a nice enough guy. But out of nowhere he starts hitting on my girlfriend, and talking me down. Whenever it seemed like I was going to take action when I told him to get lost, he threatened me. With that, my first reaction was to try and keep the peace, or at least stop any violence from taking place. I told him that he was drunk, we were having a nice evening before he started acting like a jackass, and suggested that he leave us alone. After a little while he walked off, not very impressed, and me and my girlfriend continued as normal.My problem is that... Well... Shouldn't I have just punched that guy and told him to f*ck off? I don't know why, but a part of me really isn't interested in violence, even whenever it seems necessary. I worry about the consequences of my actions, and I'm not certain I can take a punch. Whenever a situation similar to that occurs and I don't stand up for myself, it hurts my pride. Not to mention, I worry that it makes me look weak/like a push-over/less of a man in front of others, and that especially bothers me whenever it's the girl I'm seeing.What do you think? Am I worrying about nothing? Am I doing the right thing by using words instead of violence, even though it hurts my pride?
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female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (23 September 2008):
 I wouldn't worry - I think that any girl you are with would be quite impressed that you aren't some hulking beast who'll throw a punch at anything. Most of us would much rather enjoy a night out, instead of having to nurse a guy who's had the stuffing kicked out of him.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to solve conflict with words rather than violence. It's a skill not many have, so if you are able to diffuse a situation with a sentence, be proud.
Do not fret about looking weak or like a push-over. If you were such, you'd have done something like try to ignore Drunk Guy, and wouldn't have confronted him at all. Just because you didn't smack him doesn't mean you didn't stand up for yourself - you did, but you did it in a way that ended well for everyone, which is a lot more pleasant.
In short, yes, you are doing the right thing. Don't let it hurt your pride - be glad that you aren't a beefy idiot who thinks with his fists.
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