A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 25 year old female and I do not have children. I dont want children- never have and never will and this is something that I will not compromise on as its not fair to bring a child into this world that is not wanted. Anyways, that said I find that all men are interested in women who already have children. My ex is now with a woman who has a daughter and also my ex before that is with a woman who also has a child from a previous relationship. I recently dated a man and HIS ex was a woman with a child from another relationship. I just want to know what the attraction is for men with women who have children. Do men think I am odd because I do not have any children and never want to have any? Am I destined to be alone now?I
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): No, you are not destined to be alone particularly.
Lots of people want kids, many people have kids and don't want them all that much.
My youngest brother doesn't have any kids, and we are from a big family, which was nice in many ways, but he doesn't want any apparently.
But, you don't know what you might want in the future when you are not alone, so DON'T have a hysterectomy or a tubal ligation until you are much older.
My wife didn't want kids...had thought about having a tubal ligation, checked into it and was told "no" because of her age (nearly 30 at the time) and concerns that she might change her mind.
Then she met me a few months later, I figured I'd never have kids because I was getting older and didn't figure I'd ever meet someone that I'd want to have kids with, and yet that meeting changed everything for both of us.
Now we have 4 and if she wasn't older she'd have had more...heck I had a vasectomy after two and then she changed her mind and asked me to have a reversal.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): men dont specifically look for women that already have children, i feel that these are just coincidence.
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A
female
reader, Tammy1205  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Hi,
No, you are not destined to be alone. This is 2010 and there are plenty of people who have no interest in having children whatsoever. Perhaps you are hanging around the wrong type of men. Have patience and faith, and the right man will come into your life at the right time :)
Hope this has helped hun!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Oh and there's no attraction to women based solely on whether they have kids or not. If we like a girl then it doesn't matter, we'll accept her kid as part of the package, although I must say the prevailing attitude is still more against going for single parents than it is going for them.
Still most people don't like the idea of getting into a relationship with a single parent or raising another persons kids.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): No you're not destined to be alone, most guys your age don't want kids. I never thought I'd ever want kids either at your age, hated the little rug rats just not for me. But slowly over time as I've settled I've thought of the possibility but they're by no means a priority, we guys have no biological clock after all.
We'll see how you feel when you reach your early 30's, see most of your friends married with kids and reaching the end of your "safe" fertility.
But again I seriously didn't know anyone at the age of 25 who wants kids, some guys never want them either. My girlfriend is 24 soon and she's nowhere near the stage of wanting kids.
You say you'll never compromise on it, well you probably said the same thing about your love of justin timerlake or whatever pop star you idolized as a teen. You will change as a person in the next 5 - 10 years, don't discount the fact that you might change your mind. Anythings possible and while you may be fully sure now you don't you can never tell who or what in life you will want in the future.
Any guy who will want to be with you who sees himself wanting kids in the future will probably see it this way too, so even guys who want kids aren't going to discount a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): I think it really depends on the man. Having babies out of wedlock and being a sngle mom before 25, carries a stigma to some people. Some men see the stigma loud and clear. They wouldn't like it. They would not stand for it for a second. And some men really don't care, they don't see any stigma. Your boyfriend's are in that category of men that don't care. They don't see any stigma about a young single mom with a baby. To each his own really.
However, in general, at 25, I guarantee you most men DO NOT want babies.
As for you not wanting a child, I can't blame you, you are only 25! That is quite alright, go have fun. I am nearing 30, still don't have a child and still don't feel ready to have a child. And most of my friends, who are my age too, still don't have children and are not planning any either. And all of my friends from high school, all my same age as well, still don't have kids.
ITS PERFECTLY NORMAL.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (3 November 2010):
I have several guy friends, and a brother, who do not ever want to have children. So you can certainly find guys who are like minded.
However, I find that the men who don't want to have children are also the kind that generally don't want to be "tied down" to one woman. Just be aware of that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): No, you are absolutely not destined to be alone. Not all men want children. Plenty of guys don't see this as part of their life plan, or actually feel the same way as you do about procreation.
Nor is there anything wrong with you. Having children is not in any way obligatory, nor does it make you weird or odd or lacking in any way that you do not want them. I have many female friends who have taken the same path as you, and they all have very rich, rewarding, creative lives with partners who feel the same way.
I don't believe in the argument that 'it's only your kids that will look after you when you're old'. Provided you plan financially there are plenty of places where you can live when you retire, where you can retain your dignity and independence but still live with other people. I have visited a couple of residential projects for the older person, and honestly they are like a luxurious version of student halls - everyone was having a lot of fun! In future, people will probably rely quite a bit more on social networks like this than family as they get older, because plenty of children these days live a long way from their parents, or have big careers or families of their own, and simply aren't in a position to be able to be around 24/7 to provide care, even though they'd like to.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 No, you may not be destined to be alone. Having children can still
be very lonely. Having children is our legacy, children are the only things that allow us all to live on for generations and be remembered because when we leave this earth they are the only things we leave behind. You may not understand this now but give it ten years and you will see it more clearly.
There is nothing wrong with not having children. Just understand that when you are old they are the only ones who really look after you.
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A
female
reader, Natalie:) +, writes (3 November 2010):
 There was a guy on here about a month ago who posted this exact same question so there are people out there who don't want kids!
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