A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with a man I'd been seeing on and off for the last five years. I have always been attracted to problematic people, and this guy is no exception - he is bankrupt, alcoholic, cheated on me over and over and over, and admits openly that he has no idea what it is to love someone (except for the first two weeks). He is the textbook image of an antisocial narcissist. Anyway, none of that is really my problem any more, but there's something that concerns me a lot.He has an eight-year-old daughter, and something about their relationship seems really really off to me. She stays in his house on Wednesdays and Thursdays, plus every other weekend. They obviously adore each other, but he is always grabbing her and pinning her down on the bed and making her kiss him on the mouth, and they often sleep in the same bed, and if there is ANY slight misdemeanor (ex if she jumps around too much or screams) he gets crazy angry and grabs her and rolls her over and spanks her butt over and over with his slipper, and he wrestles with her to an extent that I find... odd. Like, he'll pin her down and tickle her and bite her. She is starting to display some strange behaviour - she has started to wet herself randomly throughout the day, and she has started to lie. Am I crazy? I don't know what to think. On one hand, it seems weird, but on the other I'm possibly just overreacting, and thinking about all the bad stuff that he did to me personally and all the other women in his life and projecting it onto this situation. I don't know, though. What should I do??? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey! It's been a long long time since I posted this, but I wanted to give you guys an update. I did call Child Protection Services in the end - the kicker was meeting one of my ex's old work colleagues in a bar. The guy was a little bit tipsy and his tongue was loosened. He started talking about my ex and then said "Have you seen what he's like with his daughter? He's going to destroy her life" - and having the confirmation that I wasn't the only one seeing something odd gave me the courage to call. The woman I spoke to sounded concerned, and I'm pretty sure there was at least one home visit. I don't know what's gone on since then, as I try not to have any contact with him, but I hope to God everything works out for the little girl.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (13 May 2016):
 What should I do???,....
Make a note/report to your local Childrens' Protective Service people (just what you wrote herein) .... then... never see this guy again....
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): Report him. Seriously. If there's nothing going on (which I honestly doubt!!!) at least you'll be at peace. But if it is, you will have saved a life!I was too young to understand what was happening to my neighbor and best friend. Now when I rewind everything that happened, there's no doubt in my mind that she was sexually abused by her father and NOBODY did anything and I can't believe that her mother didn't know.Long story short, I was about four years old (and I remember it clearly and for longest of time I somehow neglected to give the right meaning to this memory... I am telling out loud/writing it for the first time now) when this friend, 6 at the time, pinned me to the wall of their bathroom, [mod note: explicit details removed per site policy]. We used to hang out for years to come and I never asked her about it, as I said I hadn't forgotten I just gave this memory a whole different meaning.Over the years, I realize now, she became less and less social, she started peeing in her bed, when puberty hit she did everything to hide her feminine side, except growing long (and strong) nails. I once heard her father say to another neighbor that he scratched his arms while doing some repairs. Hm... I never put 2 and 2 together.Anyway, I moved away and haven't seen her for a very long time. When I met her in the street one day she was unrecognizable! She was obese, wearing dark colors, she dropped out of university and moved from one meaningless job to another. She didn't seem glad to see me, but she did however keep the conversation going. She lived at home with mom and dad.When I came home it hit me. It all made sense all of a sudden. I wish I had told my mother about what she did. There's a slight chance that she would see beyond a mere peer violence and maybe do something.Please do something. Sometimes it's not up to people who should, but to people who can. You can!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): You need to call someone immediately. My ex was like that and then I found illegal porn on his computer. If this girl is being abused she needs to be protected NOW.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 May 2016):
 What you have seen of his behavior towards her, might have been him holding back knowing you were there and honestly what you describe seems on the "that freaking weird way to parent" and if I was the mother... I'd never let him see her again.
So, consider the same things - but pretend for a minute that the child is YOUR daughter.... do you think this needs stopped?
If so call child protective services, hopefully they will appoint her an ombudman and go from there. For a minute don't think of yourself and him, but HER and her alone. IF she is starting to have issues maybe the mom has noticed it but is unsure why, ditto with the school. It may not BE your JOB to protect this child, but who wouldn't want to at least TRY?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 This is a horrible position you find yourself but If it doesn't seem right then as an adult your job is to report it to the proper authorities. Their job is to investigate and determine how to proceed from there. These people hold the correct qualifications and experience to recognise and establish child abuse. You have to be prepared to divulge information that may identify you as being the one who has made the report. That can be a difficult task but you have to dig deep inside and ask yourself who is in bigger need of protecting you or a powerless 8 year old. For all you know, you may not be the only person that has observed such behaviour. Still ,that is not enough reason to think it best be left for someone else to do it. You could very well be that last piece of evidence needed.
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