A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a freshmen at a college and I live in a dorm. I met this wonderful hall mate who I have gotten quite close to. Oddly enough I can't stop thinking about her and I think I might be experiencing feelings for her. I never really had any feelings for other girls that I know, but it has gotten pretty bad. All I do is think about her in class and nearly everywhere else except when I'm near her; I just can seem to be able to concentrate. I don't know if I should tell her about how I feel some time or just keep this to myself. It doesn't help that she jokes around a lot about how we should go out and talks how people thought she was a lesbian in the past. At the same time she'll make comments about how hot certain guys and check out guys when we hang out.A part of me wants to just come out and tell her, but I don't want to lose her as a friend. She's become of of the very few friends that I hold very dear to me and can actually talk to very easily. Also I don't want to add to her plate of problems right now, since she already has guy problems that seem to be leaving her quite torn. I guess you could say this is a female version of the nice guy occurrence, because she seems to come to me with her problems and I try to help her out. I want to be a great friend, but at the same time those thoughts keep on bothering me. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question*updateShe told me she has a big thing for this other guy, but then kisses me on the cheek a couple nights ago. (Additionally, I can guarantee she was not drunk.)What the heck am I supposed to take this as?
A
female
reader, sundays9best +, writes (21 September 2009):
 She might just be curious, like it seems you are too. I'm in a very similar situation but i've talked to my friend about it and got pretty good advice about maybe being into girls too.
i know its hard to not mention anything when its always on your mind, but just go with the flow.
my suggestion is to just ask her if she ever was into girls, or if she thought of girls that way. and depending on her answer you can tell her that maybe you have bi-sexual feelings sometimes too. if she shys away from your question, i wouldnt tel her that you may be into her, because close friend or not, she will become distant.
just ask small questions and see how she responds. dont do anything drastic.
good luck hun!
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A
male
reader, koenig  +, writes (20 September 2009):
I think that the fact that you're both girls is the minor issue here.
I'll break down the issue for you:
* She's one of your few good friends
* She's having issues with other things right now
* She may not be into girls
* She may see you as a friend and only a friend
* In confessing that you're into her, you could cause her to distance herself
Is it worth the risk? Or would it be better to stay friends and let this feeling pass?
We can't decide that for you, you need to decide that for yourself. Personally though, I'd restrain myself or be very very subtle in trying to work out whether she felt the same way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): First, rest assured that you being attrachted to this girl is fine and normal, epescailly at your age- for a variety of reasons... your young, growing, esp. sexually, living on your own, in a somewhat unique enviroment, made up of women like yourself.
It sounds as if you two are close freinds already, and I'd suggest talking to her, and starting to address your feelings. It's possible she may have some of the same feelings, or at least totally understand yours.
Hopefully, so ladies here will be able to share their experiences and offer some advice.
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