A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice. I met this guy on a night out 7 months ago, we swapped numbers and started talking. Things got quite flirty, there were pictures exchanged and things like that. I told my best friend about this (who was also out that night and met him too). I got a message from her asking if it was okay to stay at his because she had been kicked out, of course I was fine with it because we'd literally flirted and nothing more. The next time I saw her she told me they had slept together, it was just sex and wouldn't happen again. Me and the guy have spoken a lot since, and he's asked me to come and see him a few times. We've got a lot closer recently and I would be lying if I said there weren't any feelings towards him now. So really I want to know if you guys think I should pursue this, or is it putting my friendship with my best friend on the line?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. I've really thought about it a lot, and although things may be a little awkward (we are going to the same uni and will be living in the same accommodation building) I think it is best left as it is. None of my feelings come from wanting to point score or anything like that, and I do genuinely like him. But this situation would be a complicated one, and it's perhaps not worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2015): Yes that is a line you should never cross, your friend will feel some type of way is it really worth it the heart ache and the pain will it last between you and the guy think about your friendship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2015): NO! Don't pursue it. He's in the middle, and gets two for one player's attempt. It's like eating her leftovers left on the plate. He gets too much advantage out of this, and there is a chance he will play his lucky number again. She'll be hiding in the shadows trying to ruin anything that could grow between you; because she played it cheap, and wouldn't want to look sleazy for it. Look at the whole picture.
Isn't the world big enough to find guys and girls available; without going for people tied to friends and family? Technically speaking, it's quite alright; but it's the doggone principle of the thing. He's already slept with her! It's just giving him all the value, like he's some coveted prize.
He's probably nice and cute. He's seen her naked, and it was her motive to sleep with him before you did. On that principle alone, it would be best to let this one slide.
You just met at a party, you have no real emotional ties to this guy, and he slept with your best friend!
In spite of the fact he knew from the moment you met, that you like him. Your friend goes home on the first night with a guy she just met? Does she have any kind of standards or self-respect? If she got kicked out, she couldn't stay with you, the so-called best friend?
Now you admitted yourself there's nothing really there special for him. If you just want him for the sake of competition, and to prove you can get him too? By all means! Go get your share. Give him the bragging-rights to say; "I've had them both, man!" It's just too close to home, don't you think?
This is a situation where "over-thinking" is wise. He swapped numbers with you, but slept with her. Now, what does that say about him? What does it say about your best friend? I'd block him from my phone, were I you. But, you're not me. Do what's best for you! It's your dignity you have to protect. Not mine!
How on earth are you betraying her? She has no dibs on him. He's a human being, not a toy or obstacle to be passed around. Everybody gets a turn at the cutie? The script plays in "his" favor. Trust my words on that! Guys dream about this stuff!
He's just out for the booty! She got easily played.
What's this stuff about her getting kicked out of her own house? What did she do? What type of friends do you keep company with?
She's representing a terrible image of herself. You will be judged by the company you keep. He will assume you'll be just as easy as she was. He'll be the squirrel who gets the nut. He will move on, like he didn't know either of you. I'm a guy...I know these things! I don't do them; but they've been played on me. I learned my lesson, and I'm passing it on to you.
She knows him quite well. Get her permission, if it makes you feel better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 August 2015):
 On one hand I can't see why you should pursue him, after all she KNEW you two were talking and flirting but she STILL went to stay with him and having sex.
On the other hand, she must have known him a fair bit better than you for her to ask him if she could stay at his. You don't as an almost stranger, hey can I stay on your couch.
And.... I'm actually not so sure he is all that good of a guy. He let her stay because she got kicked out from wherever she was living .. and he took advantage of that and had sex with her. Someone who was in a really vulnerable spot. All the while... flirting with you.
So why not ASK your friend? She obviously knows him a little bit better than you do.
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