A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I just being over sensitive?My fiance and I do not go out very often, mainly due to finances, but he does get to go out more often than I do. I don't mind this as I am a bit more of a 'home' person. However there is something about his behaviour I do mind.Whenever he goes out he always gets himself quite drunk. It was never really a problem until the last 6-7months as he was just 'merry' all be it a little irritating with it... I know he was capable of being a lot more drunk as I'd heard stories but he had never done it with me.The first incident came when he was on a stag do and got so drunk he walked himself outside and tried to sleep in the cold and had to be rescued by his friends, he also wet the bed. Although I said I was a little concerned by his behaviour I brushed it off as stag do behaviour. However the bed wetting ( and being quite obnoxious) has happened on now 5 seperate occasions at home. He also left me in the middle of a busy town centre without means of getting home ( he had our money) a few months ago. After that event I asked that whenever he wanted to go out and get that drunk he stayed at a likeminded friends.... He said I was being unfair with this so I compromised and said he slept in our spare room.Him being that drunk frightens me and I have explained this to him. Minus the safety factor ( which he thinks is me being ridiculous) he is much more aggressive when drunk. He says I wont let him make mistakes and the only reason I get annoyed with him is my dad was a violent alcoholic. I'm not saying it has no part to play in my fear... But I was fine with my fiance drinking until this what I feel is out of control behaviour started. Or is he right. Am I being too harsh getting annoyed by this
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2015):
 Eewww.EEEEWWWW! Super gross ! And extreme, I'd say.
When I was 20something I lived 6 months in a Dublin blue collar neighborhood, with a family whose alcohool intake on a weekend night was probably equivalent to the alcohol intake of my whole neighborhood at home. Not that they were anything special by local standards, more or less everybody drank the same .Like, 12 to 16 pints of beer in a night was considered " a bit much " but , nothing unheard of.
As you can imagine, that made for lots of vivacious, rollicking weekends with all sorts of less-than-educational shenanigans,- yet , I never witnessed, or heard anybody report, the inconvenience you are so meekly putting up with.
That makes me think that, it's something that only happens very seldom, when people are dangerously, ethilic coma-level drunk;
or, that it does happen some times,... but apparently even people very accepting of heavy drinking feels it's so disgusting and unacceptable that they won't talk about it.
So, no you are not too harsh; you are too tolerant and ,as other posters remarked, you are flirting with the danger of ending up with an incurable alcoholist .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2015): He is an alcoholic, I can tell you for sure. Everyone get drunk from time to time, well, almost everyone, but no one wets bed after that. I in my youth had a few too many, but that never hapened to me.
Heis an alcoholic who can't hold his urine. It's just gross, and I don't know how you can still handle it. Hiw do you still feel attraction to him after this?
Drop him and find someone decent.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (13 June 2015):
 I think you need to get out before you get used to it. No one should have to live a life with dread.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (13 June 2015):
 Three little words.....RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!
I was married to an alcoholic. I cannot begin to tell you how awful of a life that is when they won't seek help. He was just like your fiance, so drunk he couldn't walk, would fall asleep...I'd wake up in the middle of the night and he had either urinated in the bed or would stumble to our closet and urinate in there. Really disgusting beyond belief.
Your fiance has some serious problems. Is this really how you want to live your life? Trust me..from someone who has been there...GET OUT!
And just so you know, my ex husband was not a drinker/alcoholic when we married so I had no idea he would turn into one. You KNOW.....you know what he is like. So if you marry him, you can't say you didn't know what it would be like. It won't be a nice life, I can tell you that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 June 2015):
 If he pisses the bed, how long till be pisses on you - LITERALLY? EWWW Just super gross!
For someone to be SO drunk that they piss themselves, it is kind of extreme. I have been "blackout" drunk a couple of times but NEVER pissed myself. EVER. Though I did scare myself and stopped drinking.
I'm sorry I would NOT share a bed with someone who can't control their alcohol intake to the point of pissing themselves. Not sure I'd want to share my life with them either.
http://www.choosehelp.com/experts/alcoholism/alcoholism-james-strawbridge/bed-wetting-and-alcohol-drinking-in-adults
The kidneys and liver process alcohol of alcohol of alcohol are consumed and the bloodstream converts the excess fluids into urine. This process is hurried along with excess amounts, because your body works hard to return to normality and purge the extra alcohol. At night, if you have consumed a lot, even in your bed your body is still attempting this process.
The only way to STOP the bed-wetting is for him to either quit drinking OR drink with moderation.
No one likes a "golden shower" in their sleep. And even worse and aggressive arse.
Sorry, I'd walk away from this. Getting married would NOT change either of these problems.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (13 June 2015):
 My God this is extreme! He wets the bed and is out of control...I would be shit scared just being around such a person! The very idea of this man is revolting to me.
OP please leave him, he's not normal and you don't deserve this. This is just beyond embarrassing and scary. Imagine if you marry this man and go on to have children with him and this behavior continues...what kind of an example would he set for his children?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 June 2015):
 Sweetheart, do you really want to tie yourself down with a man who has so little self control that pissing himself once while drunk was not enough to stop him getting that drunk?
And you say he gets more aggressive when drunk ........ do you think if this behaviour continues unchecked that the aggressions is going to lessen, or increase?
If the fact you had a violent alcoholic for a father is not sufficient reason for him to make a conscious decision not to be the same is not enough reason for him to stop what will be sufficient?
You are engaged to be married, I assume children factor somewhere in your plans for the future. Are you really sure an aggressive drunk who urinates in beds is really the sort of father you want your children to grow up with?
Seriously, take a good long look at this drunk, and say it out loud, he frightens you!! That should be sufficient to make you pack your bags and run away as fast as you can.
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