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Am I being sent signs that I should stay single?

Tagged as: Cheating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2019) 18 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2019)
A female United States age 41-50, *ena the warrior writes:

I met a man on a drunken, fun night the other night. We clicked and had a lot in common. he was quite sweet. he took me for dinner and gave me sweet cuddles. I had asked God if maybe God would want me to have a boyfriend or a husband a couple of days before this, because I've been feeling decidedly un-sure(as usual) a bit lately and have had some pretty dire things done and said to me by the opposite sex. I immediately stopped The question to God because a man always comes along (isn't God amazing?) and it's always horrible. The thing being, I probably would have ran if he had told me he was married before he kissed me. He told me after. he had no wedding ring on so I assumed he was single. he said that he and his wife sleep in separate beds. he gave me his phone No So that we could go out again, plus he gave me $20 which I promised to give back to him... Soon annoying! I have had an affair before with a married man, he told me that he was married after he had screwed (with) me. I would never do this knowingly to any wife, as I have had it done to me too many times to mention.

I have been single for 16 years and when I meet men they always have a ton of baggage. They always - ALWAYS have other responsibilities. (So how dare they try it on with me!) I love being on my own and I Love being God's servant and am not being respected for this, this is my ideal situation! The other ideal situation is having a boyfriend or husband but one who is decent. I honestly have not met one yet. And no, I do not go out alot and drink, I do many other things and have done over the years, but not to meet men. Men are scared of me. (That's probably because they know they are jerk off at heart)? So, men these days just have so many chains on them and so I think God is sending me this message.

The last man I went on a couple of dates with, who I met on my street, wanted me to smoke cannabis (but didnt smoke it himself), wanted babies with me (we didn't even kiss), but it turns out that he had a girlfriend (he didn't let me know until after the 2nd date).

What do you think?

Is God letting me know that I should be on my own still.

I've managed this far...

I thank you for your time and always Love your answers to other people in problem land, hence my Q to you guys.

View related questions: affair, drunk, married man, wedding

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (5 April 2019):

I don't judge or condemn you Dena. It isn't my place. I simply addressed the issue about drinking and choices, and how your experience correlates with what we've been taught as Christians and believers in the living God. In fact, I am happy that for once I've actually been able to share with someone on DC; who actually believes in God, and not ashamed of her faith! It is quite refreshing!

I'm very happy for you and your decision; and I pray that God blesses you in many ways! May you and God forgive me if in any way I offended you. That wasn't my purpose in responding to your post. Let God be your judge! I hope I was able to help and answered your post at least to some degree. In any case, go with God, and may He guide you and lead you to love and peace!

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (5 April 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have some time in my hands and would like to remind those, who are of a different opinion to me concerning God... That I shall no longer drink again.

I shall give my whole life to God.

I shall not go out amongst my fellow neighbours to party the night away with them. For my No 1 Love is to serve the truth and not a deluded lie.

Hope you are all happy for me and my decision that I do not take lightly.

Before we judge one, one. has. to. have. insight.

Bye now!

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (5 April 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

By the way you silly silly people. This person (Valentine) believed in God and talked with me about God.

God works in mysterious ways. What won't you get about that?

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (5 April 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

"You can pray to God on your own"

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (5 April 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (3 April 2019):

YouWish agony auntYou can pray to God on your own. Church is SPECIFICALLY to "gather yourself together for the edification of the saints and the equipping of the ministry".

Church AT ITS CORE is a SOCIAL construct. It's DESIGN is for you to be with like-minded individuals, meaning it's not only proper for you to go there to meet guys, it's mandated to be "equally yoked" together with fellow Christians.

In fact, to NOT do so is AGAINST God's will, and you know it. You just are looking for ways to justify a lifestyle that is OUT of God's will, and then you're wondering why your head is spinning and you're striking out in the love department.

You're going to keep banging your head against the wall if you keep doing the same thing over and over. Stop fighting it. Go to places where actively CHristian guys are. A bar is NOT one of them.

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (30 March 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thankyou

I shall never blame god or God for my choices. How can i? I am made in Gods image and so the blame falls onto me, afterall.

We are all responsible for the choices we make...

"Christ within" or the other one!?

Some are good. Some are bad.

But I think that the gust here is that you'll like me to be single until Mr Right comes along ;)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2019):

Why would you care what god wants for you? Does he answer your prayers? I doubt it. Just try to make yourself happy and don't hurt other people. Be a good person.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 March 2019):

To Deana the Warrior:

We do have a free will; but it's through your faith that you receive guidance and protection from the mistakes we make through our will and poor choices. If you believe as you say, and have followed according to the teachings of the Word of God; you know that we are not left to our own understanding; but God places His Spirit within us to guide and protect us. The little voice that tells you not to do something you know is wrong is that Spirit.

God does not want you to be alone and hasn't condemned you to singleness.

If you tend to repeat a series of bad-choices, He may delay the blessing; until you're ready for it. I'm not going to steer around the spiritual aspect of your question; because it was what you asked, and therefore you should know.

You need to sit-down with your minister or pastor and get some spiritual-counseling; if you think going to bars and getting drunk is acceptable to God, and a means to finding a suitable partner.

Don't blame God for your poor choices and actions. You reap what you sow, my dear! God wants to bless you and give you a good life. He expects us to behave and live according to His word. He wrote manuals called the Bible and the Torah. The purpose of the church is to reveal the word and teaching of God's rules and His ways. I think you need to brush-up on your faith; and with prayer, your desire for a good mate will be fulfilled all that much sooner!

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (29 March 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

PS (I always do this):

"You chose to kiss him after just having met him without any consideration other than he was sweet to you and gave you sweet cuddles. That's all it took for you to abandon your skepticism. Also, he didn't seem to be scared of you, quite the opposite, he likely saw you as gullible enough to buy his romantic BS, which you did. Hook, line, and sinker."

I was thinking exactly the same thing about this married man funnily enough just lately. But twisted!

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (29 March 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm not sure all of you read this well. Code warrior. Ooooch and ouch!

I do have too much self awareness, that's why the devil flees when I call on my minions of angels to go forth and whoop his butt! But those devils and demons think they know best... Not too much self awareness there, I always ponder on!(Jesus turned water into wine)...

I go to church to pray to God, not to meet other like minded men. I would hope that they would be doing the same.

Thankyou though. Not a trick Q. Love

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (29 March 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm not sure all of you read this well. Code warrior. Ooooch and ouch!

I do have too much self awareness, that's why the devil flees when I call on my minions of angels to go forth and whoop his butt! But those devils and demons think they know best... Not too much self awareness there, I always ponder on!

I go to church to pray to God, not to meet other like minded men. I would hope that they would be doing the same.

Thankyou though. Not a trick Q. Love

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (29 March 2019):

Code Warrior agony aunt"Men are scared of me."

No they're not. That's just what you're telling yourself to feel better about things.

"(That's probably because they know they are jerk off at heart)?"

What a sexist thing to say. One might say that you're a poor judge of character who acts impulsively and gets burned. You appear to take no responsibility for your choices and you're easily misled by unscrupulous men. Did you ever ask yourself why you lack skepticism around charming mem? You lack self awareness.

"The thing being, I probably would have ran if he had told me he was married before he kissed me. He told me after. he had no wedding ring on so I assumed he was single."

You chose to kiss him after just having met him without any consideration other than he was sweet to you and gave you sweet cuddles. That's all it took for you to abandon your skepticism. Also, he didn't seem to be scared of you, quite the opposite, he likely saw you as gullible enough to buy his romantic BS, which you did. Hook, line, and sinker.

"I have had an affair before with a married man, he told me that he was married after he had screwed (with) me. "

Did you have an affair or did you just have sex one time? Big difference. An affair is a long term relationship, not a one night stand. If you had an affair and you didn't know he was married for a long time, then you weren't the least bit skeptical about him until he admitted it to you.

"I would never do this knowingly to any wife, as I have had it done to me too many times to mention."

You've been cheated on too many times, but you appear to have learned nothing from any of those experiences nor do you seem the least bit interested in trying to. Instead of learning from your mistakes, you keep on repeating them over and over. That's irresponsible. It means nothing for you to tell us how you would never knowingly do this to any wife if you lack any interest in learning from your mistakes and you expect unscrupulous men to admit they are being unscrupulous in order to avoid helping them cheat. Would you also let the fox guard the henhouse as long as the fox told you he had no intention of eating the hens?

I can't speak for God, but I do believe that God expects each of us to learn from our mistakes. Perhaps a little introspection is required. Instead of praying to God about whether or not you should stay single, it might be more productive to look deeply at your past mistakes and pray to God requesting the wisdom to understand why you made those mistakes in the first place so that you can avoid them in the future.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntIt is not for me to tell you what I think God meant or didn't mean.

That is between you and your Maker.

But I think, IF I can give you ANY advice, is that you STOP trying to make instant relationships.

GET to know a guy first, before the cuddles, intimacy just because you clicked with the guy.

And getting to KNOW is guy doesn't happen at a bar. It doesn't happen at yours or his place.

It happens OVER months of ACTUAL dates, in person. Getting to know the other person through not just short conversations but interactions. Meeting each others friends and family, at some point, IF there is some comparability.

That way you WILL know BEFORE you get to invested and involved WHAT kind of man you are dealing with and what kind of baggage, past, values he has.

You think because you click after talking at a bar that there is a future? Are you serious?

You won't know that person's core values, work, ethics, basic needs, financial situation, how well they COMPROMISE, how well they COMMUNICATE, etc. THAT takes times to find out. A guy (or woman) can TELL you ANYTHING he/she thinks you want to hear. Another is whether what HE/SHE says matches his/her actions.

You keep running into people that you DON'T see yourself having a future with, because you don't really TAKE the time, MAKE the effort to get to know them.

If the LATEST guy is still married, BLOCK him. He'll be OK without that $20. There is NO reason for you to spend ANY MORE time on this one, you ALREADY know that he is "up to no good" and willing to USE you.

Maybe, since religion is important to you, you LOOK for a mate through your church instead of a bar. My guess is, it's WAY more likely that you will find someone with the same VALUES, MORALS, ETHICS as you in a congregation than at a bar.

I believe in FREE WILL, which means WE are ALL responsible for OUR choices and actions. You try and LAY it at God's feet that you have made some piss-poor choices in men. I think that is wrong of you. I think YOU need to start taking RESPONSIBILITY for what you do in life.

Starting RIGHT now.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (29 March 2019):

YouWish agony auntI hope this isn't a joke question, because this is the first time I've seen someone call themselves a "servant of God" while talking about meeting up at a drunken soiree and going to have sex with a random guy. Do you not see the disconnect here?

Since you call yourself a servant of God, and obviously He is important in your life, my answer to you will likewise take God into the equation. WiseOwle pointed out the most obvious of issues, and that is your choice of venue. Meeting guys and discerning God's will for your life doesn't happen at drunken bars!

If you are a servant of God, you'd meet guys doing the Lord's work, of course! Church singles groups, mission trips, food shelves and helping the poor, volunteering at places like the suicide prevention hotline, or a prayer center. Go to where the Godly men are! You're not being "sent signs" to stay single. You're being sent signs that you're in the wrong place at the wrong time!

Find a local church, one of substantial size, that is in similar beliefs as you. You're from the United States, so your choice of churches are limitless! Go to where there are tons of community activities and find some you like, and I guarantee you'll find a lot of guys out there who are as interested in a relationship as you are, and who AREN'T married with alcohol issues!

If you want to follow God's will, Go to where God *IS*. Church or religious community outreach is where it is as for you!

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A female reader, Dena the warrior United States +, writes (29 March 2019):

Dena the warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Original poster here. Thankyou wise Wise owl. I have a wise owl on my patio that lights up by Sun energy at night ;)

You are right about most everything... Although I like to refer to God as a S/He or I AM - these days. I have lots of baggage, but from years ago. I honestly have not met a man who is a tabala rasa or even tries to sort out their heavy load. They're all dependant on something other than God and S/He's getting super annoyed about it!

The married man in Q wasn't married before the kiss (I did ask, I remember now and there was no ring on his finger) he told me after the kiss. His name was Valentine and my 1st Love was born on Valentine's day, he wore long John's and so did my Valentine man all those moons ago (well - the devil's in the details!?). I could have spent the rest of my life with that man. But he liked drugs, drink, wives and women and not me - it turns/turned out. Now that I'm fully sobered up, I see it as a full circle done. This Valentine reminded me of him (they all did) and now I see... Not in a good way! there is no way I will carry on with a married man. I shall remain the way I am. Still, yards yadda! I know God has a perfect plan for us all and I too send prayers for you to keep the good work up.

Isaiah 65:8... Love

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 March 2019):

The last place you want to look for love is in a bar. When you're intoxicated, everybody's a nice-guy! Don't blame the guy if you don't bother to ask if he's married before you start making-out. You're experienced and mature enough to know better; and if cocktails dulled your inhibitions, I guess the blame should be shared between the two of you.

Now be careful how you insert God into this. He doesn't suggest we go out to bars to find mates. In fact, He's not too happy about His servants getting drunk. Only because it makes us more vulnerable to those who could hurt us; or we could do something to hurt ourselves, or others. You know God isn't popular with people in today's culture; and many like blaspheming His name by cussing, and ridiculing those who worship. It's expected, I read the Bible and heed those warnings. The righteous will be persecuted. Called names and made fun of.

My dear, when you pray for something; you have to use your faith and wait for God's answer. You rushed things when you went to a bar and setup your own situation; and I assure you, God would not set you up for an adulterous-affair to break his commandments. That's purely of your own doing...of course with the help of the devil; who enjoys tying us up in knots, and leading us down a path to darkness.

God never said we wouldn't suffer hard-times, have life-difficulties, or make mistakes. He didn't say we wouldn't be lonely. If you believe in Jesus, you know He suffered. He's there to guide us, and catch us when we fall. He'll insert people into our lives who may be beneficial, and remove those who are not. If He warns us and we don't listen; then we make the choice of dealing with the consequences. You got a warning once you realized the guy is a married-man.

I think you should block the married-guy on your phone, and not go out with him anymore. Let him attend to his marriage. If he can't fix it, divorce his wife. Don't jeopardize the destiny of your soul, or divert your blessings; by letting other people drag you down to low and dark places.

Women are not all angels. So making sexist remarks like all men have many chains on them. You will remember from your scriptures, all fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners; but we find our salvation through reaching-out to God. Women cheat, lie, wreck homes, and do everything to men that men do to them. They're not natural-born victims. They also make choices and suffer the consequences, as do men.

God is expecting you you to use your better judgement and discernment. You've managed this far, because God loves you; and He watches over you. He expects you to slip; so always ask for His forgiveness if you do. He will forgive you every-time; and many many times, if you ask with sincerity.

You must make the effort not to repeat what you know is wrong. If it's deliberate, it counts against you.

You'll find love, and your prayers will be answered. You only need to be patient, have faith, and wait. God does things in His own time, and all the while He is aware of your needs before you even ask.

God bless you, my dear! I'll send-up a prayer for you!

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A female reader, ConfusedCarrie84 United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2019):

This has to be a troll.

If it isn't then it sounds to me that you like to think you're a servant of God but really don't behave as one.

You don't seem to have much self esteem when it comes to choosing men and seem to be a bit of a push over.

Be selective if you choose to date and choose from a different cattle of fish because the men approachig you are losers and you don't seem to mind that but yet complain about it.

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