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Am I being paranoid, or is he following me?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 March 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, *riaz writes:

I befriended a guy twice my age (already a bad idea, I know) and knew he liked me. But I was honest and told him I didn't see him that way. We were friends and workout buddies. But after a while, I realized he was very immature and kinda creepy. I started distancing myself from him, and he noticed. I told him he was kinda creeping me out, and that if he stopped we could still be friends. He decided to block me on Facebook. He then started shit talking me on his fb page (friends showed me screenshots of his posts). I would still see him at the gym and we would pretty much avoid each other. However, one day I almost ran into him, so I said hi to kinda ease the tension. He said hi back, but still shit talked me on fb after that incident. ("The awkward moment when you run into someone on your delete and block list") I realized that there was no way we could be civil anymore, so I left it at that. However, the next day, he unblocked me from fb and added me, to which I ignored. He also sent me a text saying he was sorry, which I ignored too. Since then, it seems like he's following me. He works from home, so he could go to the gym anytime, yet he still comes when I'm there. I can only go to the gym in the afternoon because I work and don't get don't until 4 ish. He would sometimes move to where I'm working out, and when I go somewhere else, he would eventually migrate there too. That's happened a few times. He also stares at me a lot! Our cars passed by each other this morning, and he was staring at me the whole time! And when I was taking a fitness class, I noticed him hovering outside the classroom, like he was looking for me. If he didn't want to see me, why would he go to the gym when he knows I'll be there?

I might be paranoid, but I've dealt with another psycho stalker in my past, so I am a little on edge. Am I paranoid, or is he following me?

View related questions: facebook, immature, text

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntFirst, make sure YOUR privacy setting are on high on YOUR Facebook and stop giving a CRAP about what HE posts about you on his WHO cares?! he seems like an immature loser chasing after young girls most likely because older women see RIGHT through him and just don't give him a second glance. Younger women have not yet learned to see what's right in front of them and they also tend to be more polite and trying not to be rude. (no offense meant to younger women, though :) )

I would either take a break from this gym for a week or two. Yes, I know you should HAVE to leave when HE is being a creep, but for you to get off his radar might be good. (for you). Or I would ask one of my friends to come workout WITH you for a few weeks.

I don't think you should OFFER to be "friends" with him like the first anon suggest - WHY on EARTH would you want that? You have deemed him a CREEP because he IS a creep - LOOK at his behavior?!

And no need to be civil either I'd say IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE - if he however because inappropriate or makes you feel uncomfortable TALK to the trainers at the gym. Maybe a word from one of them will have him back off from you.

Him staring at you is an intimidation move. He is trying to make you FEEL bad for what you have said and done (not that you should) So again, IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE.

The more attention you GIVE him, the more he will keep at it.

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A female reader, priaz United States +, writes (12 March 2017):

priaz is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, i have mentioned many times to him that his behaviour is inappropriate. He doesn't care. And im not the first girl to have told him that he's acting creepy.

Before we started working out together, he would always workout in the mornings, before starting work. He didn't like that the gym was too crowded in the afternoon. Time wise, i cant change my gym time. But if i have no choice, i could go to another gym. But id rather not, since all my friends go to that gym.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (12 March 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntGiven that he goes to the same gym, it is only to be expected he will sometimes be near you. He works from home but perhaps 4ish is the most convenient time for him to go to the gym (he could have commitments you know nothing about). Are you sure you are not over-reacting to seeing him because you don't want to see him?

If you feel fairly confident he IS following/stalking you, can you move gyms? Can you go at a different time (perhaps in the morning, before work)?

If he is bad-mouthing you on Facebook, that just shows his extreme immaturity. However, your "friends" would do you better service by NOT telling you about these stupid posts. Are they enjoying your stress just a little too much? Just asking as I would always try to protect friends from stress rather than rub their faces in it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017):

He seems quite immature for his age to resort to talking about you on facebook. Although, to be fair what you quoted from his wall wasn't exactly shit talking ("The awkward moment when you run into someone on your delete and block list") I don't think the quote was saying anything bad about you, or disrespectful....maybe the earlier things were but you don't specify.

In any event I think that he was probably quite hurt when you called him "creepy" to his face after befriending him. I mean, you don't say WHY he was creeping you out, but as you said, YOU were the one to pursue the friendship, so he probably felt jerked around that you pursued him and then told him he was creepy for reciprocating the friendship.

I think that you were mature to say hi and be civil in spite of your feud. Obviously he wants to make it up now. If you are more comfortable you don't have to accept his friend request.

You have to examine your own role in this as well though, were you harsh with him? Did he deserve being called names by you after YOU pursued his friendship?

If you DO keep seeing him at the gym and things come up again, you could have a talk with him, and instead of calling him "creepy", tell him that you don't mind being friends but just aren't interested romantically. If you had done that from the very beginning I doubt it would have come to this in the first place.

OR just continue to be civil when you see each other around. Don't make any drama, and things should be fine.

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