A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:As an almost fifty yr old woman is it unreasonable to want men I dare to have a wide taste in porn that includes mature women like myself and not just the cookie cutter young slim perfectt woman As I've gotten older my taste In men has matured and I'd like a man who feels the same . I know sometimes people use the old biological argumentsbof men being attracted to young women and women wanting money but I'm not chasing money or masterbsting over business weekly men nor am I reading romance novels. I simply want a man who's attracted to me and yes my body /looks . I have no issue with him looking at a range of women 20s up but don't want a youth and looks obsessed man . So tell me ? Am I asking too much of men to expect the same that I give
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2017): Thanks for the answers everyone . Its great to hear there are men in my age group who feel the same Honey pie , I can say that dictating what anyone watches is of no interest to me. If I found a man who was purely visually interested in young cookie cutter bodies I'd 'throw him back in the pond as you say' my reason is that I wish to avoid a man who is dating a woman my age but really wishes he could have a woman like that but can't attract one . Nobody wishes to feel second best or settled for and I've had a long term marriage destroyed by a husband who did exactly that We tried counselling and the therapist even showed him stacks of literature and research on how flooding his mind with such a narrow body type affects his attraction to his partner . Unfortunately the marriage ended but I stayed in therapy for some time after and this was the commitment I made to myself . Not to find someone who didn't watch porn , not to dictate someone's porn , but rather to find someone's egos porn viewing and choices included a diversity of women . A man who sees beauty and sexiness in women of many shapes and ages not just young redhead etcToo often men will take what is available in real life and secretly fulfil a need for what they truly find sexy through porn and I consider that highly degrading to the woman they use because yes , that's ultimately just using the woman they are with in my opinion
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (31 August 2017):
 I agree with CodeWarrior as well.
However, I don't think you have ANY right to dictate what kind of "porn" a guy (at any age) should look at to make YOU comfortable.
My husband likes "chubby ladies" and red heads when it comes to porn. I haven't asked him why, that is HIS business. I'm NOT chubby nor a redhead. I don't CARE what he enjoys when it comes to porn (as long as it doesn't involve underaged, extreme violence or animals). Now if he EXPECTED me to gain 200 lbs and dye my hair red to please HIS fantasies, I would have an issue. Otherwise? No, it's NONE of my business what he enjoys to look at when it comes to porn.
Now if he OGLED every chubby woman when we were out, I would call him on it. If he was "just" someone I was dating, I'd put him back in the pond.
If he CRITIZED me for not being chubby or a redhead... I'd toss him back in the pond.
Now if YOU enjoy middle-aged porn stars - good for you. I have no idea how big that market is or what's available in that category (as I don't watch porn). But I would guess it's a small category.
Let's say you met a guy who LOVES chicken, pork, fish. You like beef and beef only. It's your favorite protein. Would you also expect him to ditch the chicken, the pork, the fish for the beef? To make YOU feel better about eating beef?
If a guy makes you feel like you have to "compete" in bed against 20's something porn stars I say ditch him ASAP. Someone who thinks porn is reality is just unimaginative and way of....
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (31 August 2017):
 I'm the same as Code Warrior, I'm in my early 50s and married, but if I was single I would be looking for a woman of my own age (45-55) as I can relate better to people of my age and older women are so hot! You obviously have a lot to give the right man, so I wish you well in your search!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2017): No you're not. Not at all. You're selective, and you want mature-attributes in the men you choose. Sounds quite reasonable to me. I second that emotion!
The problem is, how patient are you to wait to find him? You can't judge the majority by the few. Everyone has a fantasy lover; and we all create a mental-prototype of the person we want to find that has all the attributes we want.
Truth is, many human beings fall way short; or have other faults and imperfections that get in the way. So, you have to stamp quite a few folks "REJECT" and move on.
Another problem is, trying to change people to fit your mold. Creating a hot mess due to rushing to judgment! Based on personal-prejudices, haste to form a commitment; and mostly setting high standards and/or expectations nobody can reach. We feel we're being reasonable and fair, but not really. Biases, unrealistic perceptions, and vanity get in the way.
We set lofty-objectives for other folks to meet to get us; but are we able to meet the same challenges or demands in-reverse? It's a two-way street. Those who succeed know this.
Keep dating as much as you can. Take your time and allow men to reveal their real-character, and true-nature. Don't put the cart before the horse, like too many women.
Because of modern-technology, we constantly seek immediate-gratification. The shortest route to finding what we want.
That mindset may apply to many things; but not to finding a romantic-partner. Your mate for the long-haul. I want to remove the stupid term "soul-mate" from our vocabulary!
We don't introspect to make sure we have something equivalent to offer in exchange for all the strict-criteria we set for other people to meet. Never-mind our own insecurities we'd rather whine about than fix. Expect to check the most important boxes, maybe not all of them. The more the better; but you'd better match box for box.
There are so many people on dating sites; because they want more than they can giveback. So for all the effort in searching; nothing sticks. Looks get the most attention; but personality keeps them coming back.
Be patient. Work on your own faults and correctable flaws in your down-time. We have lulls in our social-life for a reason. That's for maintenance. Always seek enlightenment and self-improvement. Pray if you believe in a Higher Power; and the reward is someone worthy of you.
Patience has its rewards; but everyone stares at the clock. With the goal of beating it. Everyone wants it yesterday. Good men and good women are treasures; and they are supposed to be hard to find. Not everyone who wants them deserves one. There is a divine authority that places a protective-barrier around such people. They work too hard to be good people, to be ruined by unworthy folks. They learn from those bad-people who find their way past those barriers; but they seldom repeat their mistakes. You earn your tools for survival and battle-scars by letting-in a few undeserving people. You have to hone and sharpen your survival-skills. That's what bad-apples are for.
It's about timing, being visible, and ignoring the urge to be on a manhunt-mission. Urgency will make you settle for the wrong type out of desperation and an over-active sense of entitlement. Good-men and good-women are also selective; because they know what they deserve. Based on what they/we are capable of giving. Your destiny lies ahead. So prepare for him.
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